Faith and trust

Faith is unutterable trust in God, trust which never dreams that
He will not stand by us.

-- Oswald Chambers

I got this quote in email yesterday and I've been thinking about it. I've known for some time that my problem is trust...in lots of areas. I've had the kind of faith that never dreamed that God would not deliver. But I've also had the disappointing discovery that that's not a promise like I want it to be...God will always deliver exactly what I want. So for a while I've struggled to understand the "stand by" part of this quote. I was bothered yesterday by the idea that my faith is weak because I do wonder whether God is standing by. Today, I'm reminded that God has promised never to leave me or forsake me. I know that. I don't doubt that for a minute. I do have my doubts that He's going to do what I think is best. And He never promised that. Thank goodness.

So what does silence mean?

I think it means I'm not listening. I'm not paying attention. And I'm certainly not inspired to blog about not listening, not paying attention. I can usually count on that to happen sometime around this holiday. I really don't understand it...Christmas music in the stores, on the radio, on the television...and I'm too wrapped up in the busy-ness to really listen. I'm going to do better. I say that so often, right?

Anyway, as I was posting via YouTube videos on the other blog, I ran across this song by Matthew West and Mandisa (yes, that Mandisa). It's kind of a hokey video but I do like the song..."Christmas Makes Me Cry." It's not as uplifting as dogs barking out "Jingle Bells" but it is a great reminder of why Christmas can be bittersweet to most of us.

Been there?

Romans 8:26 (The Message)

26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Ever been to the point you don't even know what to pray? I came across a card that someone gave me with the verse included. It wasn't in the Message translation so I thought I'd check it out. "He does our praying for us." When we don't know what to pray, the Holy Spirit comes alongside and does our praying for us. It's hard to imagine but what a gift. He knows us better than we know ourselves...this is something that I've been thinking about lately. Too many conversations about why I feel the way I do about myself maybe... Wouldn't it be great to see, even if just for one minute, myself the way that God sees me?

Some History

Today the church I'm attending had a commitment ceremony to finish its building program. The coolest thing about the service is that they asked people to come forward by the decades they joined the church. It was founded in the 1940s, and there were people who came forward for that decade. To me, it's amazing that people in joined in the 60s or 70s are still there. I didn't grow up in church, and since I've been a Christian, I've been a part of new churches for the most part. I didn't really want anything traditional. But I'm beginning to think that I'm traditional. The funny thing about this church is that it started a couple of miles from where I grew up. It's been in and out of my life since high school. And now it's this big mega church with a beautiful building. And I feel like I fit there. As much as I feel I fit anywhere. These singles are my kind of singles. Not once have I been frightened by what I heard in Sunday School or saw in action. And it's a place that one pastor stayed for 36 years. He retired, but he's still a member of the congregation. It was interesting to see how long people had been members of this church. But there are a whole lot of them. And the only way to join...go stand in front of them. So I'll be putting that off for at least one more week. Joining is going to require some strategy.

Rest

Matthew 11:28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

As I "dropped" (loudly) my phone this morning, I realized that something has to change. Phone rage that early in the morning is just really not a good thing. And it's only a job, not much different today than yesterday and it's easy to predict what tomorrow will be like. What's the point of letting it affect my attitude? The job won't change. So that means my attitude has to. Or am I looking at something bigger than that? A life change? I'm not sure.

I think about this verse sometimes. It's really a promise to free us from the restrictions under religious law. Jesus brought a new way, a new life, a freedom. But I really want some rest too. Last night, after a marathon revamping session at the beauty salon, I missed my Bible study, so I had 3 precious hours...where I refused to study or do housework. Yesterday was a total whirlwind of meeting, and meeting, and meeting. So I didn't meet last night, something that probably would have helped. I was forced to cook for a potluck today, but even that burden was easier with more time. It all comes back to that time...time to breathe.

And the picture comes from Cute Overload, my favorite form of mood enhancer.

Alright?

I think I might be in a funk. I really am thankful for Christian music. On the way home, I listened to people talk about all that they're thankful for. Which didn't really serve to elevate my spirits much. And then I heard this song "I'm Not Alright" by Sanctus Real. And it didn't really manage to capture my mood but it does seem to get at part of where I am. I do understand the "broken inside" part.

And yes, MJ, there really is a GodTube. I haven't seen one dancing cat on it yet. YouTube still rocks.

Home Sweet Home

That was the title of the message and here's how it starts...
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

OK, so I made it back to church today after missing last week thanks to the Houston trip. I knew that Sunday School would be about generosity. There's a building plan going on after all. And then church. I really expected something a little patriotic for Veteran's Day. The songs would play, I'd cry...overall, a good time. But no. Instead it's a "family" message. Husbands love your wives. Wives respect your husbands. And children honor your parents.
Yawn.
I know several women who just get all offended over this, especially if it's a part of wedding vows. I've heard the lunch discussion. And I just totally shrug my shoulders. It literally has nothing to do with me. And I was surrounded on all sides so I couldn't even make my grocery list.

Pretty sure that's an improper attitude for the whole thing. I'm just not really sure what to do about it. Maybe I should search out another message for today.

All Things Are Possible

I think I'm having one of those days. I'm not sure what it will take to get some energy and some purpose. Thinking that way reminded me of this Nicole C. Mullen song. And every one of her songs is a reminder of the power of God. I think I need that today!

Time Out

Do you ever have those? Time outs? Or maybe it's just time away. I've been traveling for my job and so I'm disconnected...different music, no time to read or really think, different friends, different priorities. And now I'm back. And everything is exactly the same as I left it. Nothing stopped while I was gone, but it didn't change either. And now it's time to fill it back up, that cup that I'm supposed to have running over. Right now, it's more like running on empty.

Yesterday I worked a little from home and then got the wild idea to move furniture. I'm like that. When I have things I should do, I can think of a million distractions that normally hold zero attraction for me. Yard work becomes the most fascinating thing in the world in comparison to work deadlines. I hope I'm not alone. Anyway, as I did that, I came across paperwork of my mom's and it occurred to me how unfair it is that I can't remember the things I want to (pin numbers, passwords, phone numbers) but some things I'll never be able to forget, no matter how desperately I want to. Why do you think that is? Maybe it's a matter of importance. Well, I guess it's also a part of growth.

I'm going to start a new study next week on peace. I'm looking forward to it.

Phillipans 4:4-8
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Endurance

Hebrews 10:36 (New Living Translation)
36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

I get overwhelmed. I take on too much and then I get overwhelmed, stressed, unable to slow down for a minute to think or enjoy. That's part of who I am. When I finished my MBA, I promised the friend who gets buried under my stress now that my original sounding board is gone that I wasn't going to take on anything else new for 6 months. And I almost made it. And the things that I did add are good or good for me. But I get overwhelmed. Work gets crazy, I have to travel which adds to my stress levels, something happens in my family, a friend has an emergency and I need to take care of it all. I want to. And I do. I'm nothing if not dependable. I may not be happy, I might complain or fret the whole time or feel guilty about not doing enough, but I'm dependable. I really wonder what God thinks about this. I know I'm not alone. I really think it's girl thing. I'm not sure really what to do about it either, except to watch carefully that I don't stop doing what I know is right to make things easier. What a challenge.

More love

1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Why do I say things I shouldn't say? It's not that I don't mean them. I do. I really, really do mean them. I just shouldn't say them. If you're like me, there are people in your life that can send you from fairly happy to both incredulous and supremely frustrated in the span of seconds (from 0 to "Oh no she didn'" with a snap in no time). There are times when I feel like I'd rather bang my head on the wall than continue to talk to certain people because it would hurt less. Been there? I think it's OK to feel that way. Then we just have to make the right choice from there. I'm called to love people. That's how the world will know that I'm a Christian. I'm not called to like people. But I am called to love them...patiently, kindly, un-rudely, un-easily angered.

Thankfully, my God is the God of second chances. It seems that the people that you truly like are easy to lose...they get new jobs, new homes, new opportunities, maybe they even die entirely too soon. And you miss them terribly. The people you don't like...stay with you forever. That just means more opportunity to get the love part right. Right?

So finally I'm paying my way

I listen to K-LOVE almost all the time I'm in my car. Locally it's 90.1 FM or 96.9 FM but it's a national Christian station, listener supported so there are no commercials. This is why I never know what's happening in traffic, but that's just a random thought. Anyway, they have pledge drives twice a year. And they're having one now. And for some reason, this time it worked on me. I pledged. When I think about how much time I spend with K-LOVE, I have to. That music is too important to my life. I'll never be able to sing well enough for others to hear me but I really enjoy singing in the privacy of my car. Sometimes I'm a total mess when I get where I'm going because my heart is broken, but more often, my head is on straight because of what I hear on that station.

I'm not sure why it worked this time. I think it may be the influence of the study on "generosity" we're doing in church. Weird. Studying something causes me to act.

Oh, and I think I've managed to actually remember-ize (yes, I know that's not a word) 2 verses. I'm sort of sensing a pattern.

Psalm 71:14-But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
1 Peter 5:7-Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

In Better Hands Now

This is a song playing on KLOVE all the time right now. And I really like it. It's another YouTube link. When I do this, I'm mainly looking for the song. The video gets us the song here...and lots of pictures of Natalie Grant. Just listen to the song!

You just look smart

Ever had a compliment like that? One that you weren't quite sure how to take? You just look smart...meaning I only appear smart and I'm not so much? I preferred to take it as a compliment as in..."Of course that test was easy for you. Smart-ness just oozes out of you." Little do they know...

There are 2 things going on here. 1. I really don't accept compliments well. 2. I've heard that one more than once and sometimes I'd rather be a really talented athlete or beautiful or have x-ray vision or be able to leap buildings in a single bound. You know, cool things like that. Something other than taking test well and appearing to have an empty pocket because I left my pocket protector at home. I really wanted to say "Thanks. You just look like a cheerleader." Not nice, right? Funny, maybe. Well, that's probably how I meant it.

Being smart is a good thing. I'm not sure I am smart, but I learn quickly, work hard, and take tests well. And I totally understand that only God could give me the gifts that I have. I'm thankful he also gave me humor and the ability to laugh at myself. Now if I could only get over wishing I had other gifts. Ever wonder what God sees? I'm not sure God's impressed with my testing ability or ease with a witty comeback. He wants me to be wise, not smart, and humble and compassionate. Maybe there's hope for me. At least I know it's wrong to insult the pretty girl. And I only do it in my head. That might be growth.

Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Called to go

Acts 1:8
8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

I have a friend leaving today for Ecuador. And she's a work friend. That's how we know each other. Except that we've spent some time together in Bible study at work, studying Purpose Driven Life. The first time we went through it, I so clearly heard the call to go on mission that I couldn't ignore it. And that's saying something. I can ignore lots of things I don't want to hear. My call led to Peru. At that time, she was in a totally different place. She wasn't ready to go. Since then, we've been through other Bible studies together, the Purpose Driven Life at least one more time, and her life has changed. And she's going to Ecuador. I'm praying for her safety and that she's going to meet God there the way I met Him in Peru. Her life will never be the same.

And here's how my life's changed...I think I'm envious. I want to go too. I want to experience that closeness and power again. God really can work miracles in hearts that are open.

Joy in the Gospel

I did the right thing and went to my Bible study last night. This is what happens to me. I get overwhelmed in life and I start to drop out of church. Right now, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed between work and my personal stuff so I start the inner whine about how tired I am and I just want to go home and I'd rather do something else with my precious spare time. I hope I'm not alone. Yesterday my friends at work gave me a gift certificate to a local yarn store. And I really wanted to go ahead and take care of that. What can I say? Money burns a hole in my pocket. And I had to have a verse memorized for that study. I've been working on memorizing something else. Excuses, excuses.

So this is what I did.
1. I left work on time.
2. I went home and found a nice, short verse to memorize. Psalm 71:14: "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more." And apparently I memorized it well enough to carry over to today.
3. I went to the Bible study. And I'm really happy I went. It was such a good reminder...joy in the gospel.

Why don't we have Paul's joy? He was in chains and facing serious things and he said, "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." The "to die is gain" part is easy for me to understand. The first part is the challenge. I think that spreading the gospel has been given to Christians as a duty, an obligation. It's hard to take joy in an obligation. And the message that we have to give is such a reason for joy. How can giving someone else hope not be a reason to feel joy? I think this is just one more thing that we lose track of in life. And that's how we lose the joy that God wants us to have in this Christian life.

It's just a good thing that gift card wasn't to Barnes & Noble. It would have all been over for Bible study last night. I heart books. I'd have gotten some joy from running wild in a book store. No doubt about that. Of course, if I can just remember what I learned last night, I can have that joy every day.

The Rest of the Gift

Romans 5:8
8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 10:9-10
9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

Romans 8:38-39
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 12:1-2 Living Sacrifices
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

It's really difficult for some people to believe how easy it is to reach God. Jesus died to make it that easy. He died for each sinner and all I have to do is confess him as Lord. And then nothing can separate me from him. Nothing can make me lose the gift. We're really the ones who mess this up because we're not good enough or because something bad happens so we convince ourselves that a loving God is impossible. Or on the flip side, that a loving God couldn't possibly intend to someday follow through with his promise of judgement. I think today I'll thank God for giving me a simple faith. On the simple confession "Jesus is Lord", I have no doubts. And the rest of it is important, but I don't have to figure it all out now. I may stumble over intellectual questions or the pain of disappointment. Nothing is going to separate me from the love of God.

Gift of God

Romans 6:23
23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Aren't unexpected gifts the best? The ones given "just because"...just because I love you, just because I saw this and thought of you, just because. The gift of God is a total "just because I love you" kind of gift. There's absolutely nothing you can do to deserve it. Why? Because all have sinned and fallen short and the wages of sin is death. That's it. We're all eliminated from earning eternal life. But Jesus was our gift. Of course, that doesn't mean we all have to accept the gift. I think I'm one of those people who has trouble with getting gifts that I don't feel like I've earned. Or maybe "earned" should be "deserve" in that sentence. This is one gift I accept, whether I deserve it or not. And I'm 100% sure that it will never be taken away from me. What a great gift, right?

Glory of God

Romans 3:23 (New International Version)
23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

So in a couple of the conversations I've had lately, either about my testimony or about joy, the idea that some people have better sin than others comes up. The idea that I can pat myself on the back that at least I never did anything that bad. My problem is that my testimony seems less influential because I don't have a dramatic conversion story. And both ideas are just wrong. One is pride and the other is some other weird thing that keeps me from accomplishing God's purpose, and that's just another sin, There is no sin scale, right? All have sinned and fall short. And God's grace is for all of us. And will all be forced to make the decision to accept it. Or not.

I'm not who I was

I was thinking about Paul's story and this song together. And really, it's every Christian's story, no matter how dramatic your conversion is. I had to give my testimony in Sunday School this weekend. I don't really have any drama...good family of good people. I wasn't raised in church, but I was nearly as "good" before as I am now. Which is to say, not as good as I could be. Anyway, what's different in my life? Nothing more and nothing less than I can live it with hope, security, and joy. I have a purpose. Oh, and God has called me to do things that I would never have thought of on my own. So that's a pretty big change, right? My outsides don't appear that different but, man, on the inside...God's working.

Don't quit

Most of what I know about Jeremiah, the book, is the verse that shows up all over the place, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And that's not a bad thing to know, a good promise. Yesterday, we looked at the earlier Jeremiah, at the man, the prophet who struggled for 20 years with the message that God sent. People hated him. He struggled to do God's will, answered the call, and people really hated him for it. And Jeremiah got really angry at God. Who could really blame him? He's suffering, he's obedient, and it looks like nothing is changing. I'd be angry and bitter and depressed, too. And disappointed in God. It's a tough place to be. I've been there.

Jeremiah 20:18 says
18 Why did I ever come out of the womb
to see trouble and sorrow
and to end my days in shame?

But there was hope for Jeremiah. This wasn't the end. Now we know that his life was going to change, radically change. Things were going to get better. He'd see results. But he had to hold on. The 2 key points of the sermon were:
1. Even when God is silent, He is still working. Even Jesus felt the absence of God. But God was still working in the world. Saving the world.
2. Don't stop talking to God. Jeremiah ranted at God, but he didn't give up on God. He continued to claim God's promises. I've been here. Angry and disillusioned but totally hopeless without something to hold on and believe in. And I know that God has promised me that He's going to bring about something good from all the stuff in my life because I belong to Him.

We talked also in my joy Bible study about how it's so easy to sit in judgement of other people who seem to lead a charmed life, no difficulties at all. There really aren't many of them out there, but there are some. And I can sit back and think to myself how much stronger I am than they are until I run up against someone else who's carried more and better than I have. What right do I have to be angry and disillusioned when I've had such an easy life? Thank goodness God doesn't quit on us either. And he loves me even when I rant...or worse, whine.

Taking a Fruit Break

Ever had one of those days where you just need to stop and catch your breath? I'm having one. So I need to turn my focus away from the demands to a reminder of what I'm here for from Galatians 5. It could be the self control where I'm falling apart.

Galatians 5
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

And...MJ, since you and I are the only ones around, sorry to unload. I'm better now. For the moment.

Another Lesson from Peter

PETER IN THE BEGINNING:
Impetuous, loud, a little "look at me" in the group. He loved Jesus and wanted to do the right thing even when he messed up...he jumped out of the boat and walked on water until he realized what he was doing and then sank like a stone, he fished where Jesus told him to fish even though he had his doubts, he cut off the ear of one of the men who came to arrest Jesus and he proclaimed himself willing to die for Jesus but then denied him...and then had to meet his eye. He obviously loved Jesus. And he obviously had some big weaknesses to battle.

And Jesus knew all of this about Peter. He also knew how Peter would change the world. In spite of his weakness. Jesus prayed for Peter. He didn't take away the thorns of his sometimes too eager personality or fear. He prayed for Peter. Peter worked with his weakness. And he changed the world.

Luke 22:31-34
31"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. 32But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

33But he replied, "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death."

34Jesus answered, "I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me."

PETER NEAR THE END:
Strong, firm, steadfast.

1 Peter 5:8-11
8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Joy in Weakness

Tonight's lesson at the Bible study is about joy in weakness. It's based on 2 Corinthians where Paul talks about his thorn, given to him to keep him from becoming conceited.

2 Corinthians 12
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

For when I am weak, then I am strong? Or when I am weak, God is strong. The Bible is filled with examples of people who appeared too weak to do what they accomplished. Only God could be responsible. It's easy to pray to remove the thorn. In fact, it seems natural to me to desperately desire to get rid of the thorn, to blame the thorn for preventing me from reaching success. It also makes sense that God uses the thorn and our weakness to work on others, to reach others who might not connect with a religious superstar. Of course, there's also hope for all of us mere mortals. Paul started out as only a mortal, maybe worse than your average dude. And he became a religious superstar because God could work through him and his weakness.

This was a great study. My favorite, Peter, pops back up. I'll come back to him tomorrow.

So Long Self (the song's title)

In this area, I could only say "Do as I say, not as I do" if I were to throw around advice. One of the hardest parts of being a Christian...learning to be selfless. In a world filled with authorities and bosses and requirements, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and underappreciated. It's not so easy to remember "Believe it or not but life is not apparently about me anyways" every day.

MercyMe - So Long Self
From the album Coming Up To Breathe

Well if I come across a little bit distant
It's just because I am
Things just seem to feel a little bit different
You understand

Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say

Chorus:
So long self
Well it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me farewell
Oh well, Goodbye, don't cry
So Long Self

Stop right there because I know what your thinking
But no we can't be friends
And even though I know your heart is breaking
This has to end

And come to think of it the blame for all of this
Simply falls on me
For wanting something more in life than all of this

Friday again

Why couldn't anyone on the ark play cards?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.

And the photo's from Cute Overload. If you aren't visiting C.O. daily, you're missing out on some serious joy!

The joy of the Lord is our strength

Since we've been working on this study of joy, this Chris Tomlin song keeps running through my head. It's called "Holy is the Lord God Almighty" but the part that keeps playing for me is "the joy of the Lord is our strength."

A Living Hope

This is one of my favorite passages and it came up in the first lesson in our study of joy. I've read this twice at funerals. That doesn't seem very joyous, right? But there is definitely joy in the idea that these trials lead to lasting reward. And that at both of those funerals, I knew that someone I loved had already had that "new birth into a living hope" and now their trials were over. Time for the inheritance! Where does joy come from? A new birth into a living hope.

1 Peter (New International Version)
Praise to God for a Living Hope
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

It is Well with my Soul

This song and the story behind it was part of my Bible study lesson. It's one of my favorite hymns (mainly because it was easy to sing for my short stint in choir, good for altos). Still, it's also applicable to the study of true joy.

It Is Well with My Soul
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Is Koi a Scrabble word?

You know how you feel when you're with people that you just feel comfortable with? Like you're OK no matter what form of dorky you are today? I have a few friends like that. Maybe that's just me. For some reason, even with people who I'm firmly convinced usually like me, I'm waiting for them to not like me, to think I'm just too...whatever it is that day...to hang with. And when I have to walk into a "party" with new people, I spend most of the day leading up to it in a pep talk..."You're good enough, You're smart enough, and, dog gone it, people like you." And then I usually do my best not to attract notice.

So, I'm trying a new church because I want to get involved with a group of people who believe what I believe and have similar lives...single Christians seem a good place to start. Cut to game night...me, driving over...I'll just see who's there and if I don't like it, I don't have to stay. Right, God? God says sure, while rolling his eyes probably. And as I'm parking, the girls in my Bible study drive up. No escape. And they don't allow me to hang back. And it was fine. It was good. So, I think none of us are cool...the heated Scrabble conversation over the word "koi" was my first clue. But they fit and I fit. And they already know about my weird New Year's resolution and my odd Pride and Prejudice obsession. How much worse could it get? Pretending to be cool takes too much out of me. I think I'll let that go. Maybe I'll just try to be real.

TGIF...for reals

In the men's room at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "Think!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign, and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "Thoap!"

Ouachita

A few more OBU posts. The first is the boys' dorm I stayed in (with a bunch of other girls) as a Senior. Boys are weird. My room showed the remnants of the words "Big Al" on the wall.
The bridge shows the way to the boys dorms from the main campus...across the ravine. I was trying to understand what makes this such a special place to me on the way home Saturday. And much of it depends on growing up there, really becoming who I am. Away from my parents and family, on my own, alone, meeting and making friends, learning what I like and deciding who I'm going to be. It wasn't always easy or fun, but I wouldn't have wanted to do that anywhere else. The thing about OBU is that you can't help but feel closer to God. God is there in that place and in those people. Obviously, not all those people, but enough to make it so easy to feel his presence. Daily. That's hard out here in the real world. I think Peru is so special to me for the same reason. I was close to God there. There really was no other option. He was already in that place. It's tempting to want to remain in those places, close to God, surrounded by others who can lift you closer to him. But God doesn't want us to stay there, safe and secure from all alarms. Here is where he wants me to be, here where I can share the little God I have with others. Is it possible to feel the same connection here that I do in places like OBU or Peru? I'm not sure. It's a question of focus, right? How well can I focus? That's me. God's the same here as he is there. I'm the one who's different. Focus.

A lesson in...Joy?

Romans 15:13 (New Living Translation)
13 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Last night, instead of doing any of the millions of things that I'd do on a normal Tuesday night (OK, really I almost always just stick with watching television), I went to a new Bible study with the ladies of the Sunday School I'm going to right now. That just sounds so exciting, right? And maybe it wasn't "make a movie out of my life" exciting but it was fun. And I'm going to learn about Joy. Anybody remember my New Year's resolution? I vaguely do...finding more joy was there. And shoes. I took care of that one quick, though.

For Good?

This is from the Purpose Driven Life daily devotional. I've always held onto the promise that God's going to take everything that happens to me and work it for good. I never applied that to the consequences of my bad decisions. What a promise. I don't have to hold on to my mistakes. I start where I am today with God. And I can do that every day. Yesterday might have been a failure but today is all brand new possibility. Thank God.

God Meant It For Good
by Jon Walker

“You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result.” (Genesis 50:20 NIV)
Joseph’s life was anything but peaceful. It was complicated by youthful folly, broken dreams, and the mean-spirited actions of others. Sold into slavery by jealous brothers. Thrown into prison on false charges. Yet he remained a man remarkable for his lack of bitterness or regret, always seeing God as the “Great Engineer” behind even the worst of circumstances.

In a final confrontation with his brothers, he graciously noted, “You meant it for bad; God meant it for good.”
The theology packed in that statement is astounding. “God meant it for good” means:

You can accept the past – No sin, no action, no choice on your part is too big for God to handle – or too big to be worked for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) Just ask Joseph! Better yet, ask his fearful and famished brothers, who were forced to rely on him for survival.

You can embrace the present – There’s no need to play the “what if” game. The past is gone, and no energy you expend will ever change it. The future is in God's omnipotent hands, so you’re free to focus on the present. Your job is to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, trusting him to forgive the past and transform the future. Martyred missionary Jim Eliot once wrote, “Wherever you are, be all there” – not living in the past and not fantasizing about the future. God wants you in the present because that’s where his grace will flow.

You can look expectantly toward the future – Even if you make mistakes today, God still controls your future. Walking in the Spirit, you can live life to the fullest, unafraid of making mistakes and unconcerned that you may stumble into some terrible circumstance that takes you out of God's control. Even when things appear to be terrible, you can trust that God is working out some divine plan through you.

What does this mean?
· No matter how bad things get – God is still able to bring good out of it. Today, thank God that nothing – no disaster, no delay – is bigger that his ability to turn it into something good and godly.
· Thank God and let go – Thank God that he is sovereign over your past, your present, and your future.
· Give God the circumstances, disasters, hindrances, hurts, and sins from your past.
· Give God your current situation, your disasters, hindrances, hurts, and sins of today.
· Praise God that he can work anything in your future for godly good, that you can walk in confidence that there is nothing anyone can do to you, or anything you can do that will be beyond the reach of God’s grace and redemption.
· Look for God’s hand – Walking by faith means you see God’s hand even in the most difficult of circumstances. You trust his ability and his willingness to transform the bad into godly good. God is not limited by people’s motives. In other words, it doesn’t matter why someone hurt you, God still can transform a deliberate, mean-spirited situation into something for his good.
· What will you allow God to change? – There it is: some situation, or event, or person in your life that, as far as you can tell, was “meant for bad.” How do you think God meant it for good? Ask God what he wants you to do with this situation (event or person). When he answers, do it.

Where does my help come from?

Thank you, YouTube. Here's another Casting Crowns song, "I Will Praise You in the Storm". It was part of the church service on Sunday. I should really come with a Kleenex attachment. I never know, especially in church, when it's going to hit me but I hate sniffling through the prayer.

Psalm 121
A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

U-turns

Wisdom via church sign? You know what I'm talking about. Every church puts up words of wisdom like "You think it's hot here?" I've seen that on 2 different churches that I pass in my daily drive lately. The one I pass every day coming home (because one side says one thing while the other says something else, right?) says "Headed the wrong direction? God allows u-turns" And I need to make a u-turn. Have you ever felt that way? It's frustrating when you wake up and realize what you're doing is taking you farther away from where you're going. I'm there this week. With me, it's a case of 2 steps forward, 3 steps back (or worse). I had that realization about midnight last night. I've done some stupid things. Colossally stupid. So...what to do? Ask for forgiveness, put myself on the list of 4 that I have been praying for (although perhaps I should ask them to pray for me), and do my best to turn it around. Deal with the consequences of sin and learn a lesson. Thank God that I'm not the only one that does dumb things. Luckily, God forgives and forgets. Me, not so much. Forgiving myself and forgetting, that's going to take a while.

I love this song by Casting Crowns. In fact, I love every song by Casting Crowns. Each and every one is a worship experience and speaks directly to me. And I hope to you. This is "East to West" and I picked up the video from YouTube. You can find the best stuff there! And some dancing cats...

Not good enough?

There is not a hint of one person who was afraid to draw near
him [Jesus]. There were those who mocked him. There were those
who were envious of him. There were those who misunderstood him.
There were those who revered him. But there was not one person
who considered him too holy, too divine, or too celestial to
touch. There was not one person who was reluctant to approach
him for fear of being rejected.

-- Max Lucado

God is not disillusioned with us. He never had any illusions to
begin with.

-- Luis Palau

Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

No worries

Remember: we can approach the future with confidence because we
know the end from the beginning -- the mustard seed wins the
day.

-- Tom Sine

Back to Acts

Acts 1:8
8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

In Sunday School this weekend, I realized I just needed to get this blog going again. We've started a study based on Acts, the book where the church is built and begins to spread. The church I'm attending is growing quickly but much of the time it's because of members of some other central AR church. We're not really growing the one church, just trading members. Acts is where the missionary, evangelical purpose of the church is outlined. This study began with each person making a list of 4 people that God has set up for influence. To me that's not a "Do you know you're going to heaven when you die?" at the gas station conversation. That's a friendship, a discussion, an example, a life...that's the kind of testimony I can give. So I made my list. I'm praying for those 4, and I work with 3 of them. That means I need to keep my head on straight at work. That could be a challenge.

Note to Self:
2 Timothy 1:7-10

7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
8So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, 9who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.

Day 34-Those who have not seen

My Prayer: Psalm 96:10 (New International Version)
10 Say among the nations, "The LORD reigns."
The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved;
he will judge the peoples with equity.

The Reading: John 20-21
John 20:29 (New International Version)
29Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

My Thoughts: How many times have I said that I wanted to see a sign, something like a burning bush to clearly point the way? The diciples were lucky. They got to see Jesus at work. They got to see miracles and hear first the parables Jesus used to talk. They had daily proof of Jesus as savior and they saw with their own eyes his resurrected body. And they missed it just about every time. Jesus had to explain himself over and over and re-introduce himself to the men who worked and traveled with him. It's good to know that I'm not alone. I probably would have missed what was right in front of my face, too. Of course, we're lucky because Jesus left the Holy Spirit for all of us. So today, we have the Holy Spirit. We're never alone. We don't get to see the miracles performed the way the disciples did but we still get to see God at work in this world through believers.

Day 33-Protection

My Prayer: Psalm 86:13 (New International Version)
13 For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave

The Reading: John 17-19
John 17:15-16 (New International Version)
15My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.

My Thoughts: This is a passage that I've never spent much time on, but Jesus is praying on behalf of his disciples and on behalf of everyone who would believe in his name. He wanted unity for his church. Boy, have we messed that up! It's really sad to think about what the world could be like with true unity instead of the division among Christians. That's how the world is supposed to find Jesus, through the witness of his people. Still, I'm not sure I've studied much on this prayer of protection...protection from the evil one. I am reminded again of how Jesus prays for us even when we don't know what to pray for.

Day 32-The Way

My Prayer: Psalm 147:5 (New International Version)
5 Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit.

The Reading: John 14-16
John 14:1-4 (New International Version)
Jesus Comforts His Disciples
1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God[a]; trust also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going."

My Thoughts: Jesus had just told the disciples about how he would be betrayed and they were upset. So Jesus comforted them. This is a crystal-clear picture of what made Jesus different. He loved them, even though he was going to have to die to save them. He wanted them to have hope in his return. He wanted to feel secure that they would be able to find him. Jesus said, "I am the way..." They knew Jesus, they knew how to find him again. I've read this passage at 2 funerals when my heart was completely and totally broken. But here is a reason for joy. I know the way home. They knew the way, too. The way to a permanent home.

Day 31-Glory

My Prayer: Psalm 85:7 (New International Version)
7 Show us your unfailing love, O LORD,
and grant us your salvation.


The Reading: John 12-13
John 12:27-28 (New International Version)
27"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28Father, glorify your name!"


My Thoughts: Maybe this is a clue to the answer about my questions about prayer. Jesus has told his believers to pray in his name and their prayers will be answered. So why aren't they answered? Why aren't my prayers answered? Jesus, instead of praying for safety or security or any of the escapes he could command, prayed only to glorify God's name. Bad things happen. Bad things happen to good people. It's true. It's not true that we were ever promised anything different. People don't get any good-er than Jesus who died like a criminal. But as one of those people who know Jesus, a good person can believe that when bad things happen, God's going to use them to change the world, to reach people, to save people. I'm pretty sure that's the mature view that I'm supposed to have. Maybe I'll get there someday.

Day 30-The Shepherd

My Prayer: Psalm 23 (New International Version)
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

The Reading: John 9-11
John 10:2-5 (New International Version)
2The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. 3The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice."

My Thoughts: We're supposed to recognize Jesus' voice. We're supposed to know Him and follow him the way the sheep follow the shepherd. Later he says, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me...no one can snatch them out of my hand." When I read this, I think about how much security those sheep have because of their trust. How much security I have because of my faith. I rememember talking about this in one of our bible studies at work, how we're supposed to recognize the Father's voice. There used to be 2 people in the world who could call me at work and I'd get choked up, no matter the purpose of the call. With my mother, it was a little better because we talked every day anyway, but almost without fail, if my dad called me at work, a sudden homesick feeling would hit me. And for some of that time, I lived 3 doors down from my parents! I might not see them for weeks, but one phone call got me all choked up. Totally weird, but it was just something about hearing his voice. He didn't have to identify himself or even say much at all and I knew who it was. All it took was a "Hey" and I recognized his voice. I don't know the sound of Jesus' voice that well. But I really want to. I want to know the safety that comes from knowing the shepherd is here, not some thief, not some stranger, but the shepherd who wants good things for me.

Day 29-I Am

My Prayer: Psalm 89:8 (New International Version)
8 O LORD God Almighty, who is like you?
You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

The Reading: John 6-8
Exodus 3:14 (New International Version)
14 God said to Moses, "I am who I am . This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' "

My Thoughts: Tricky, right? The notes in Bible mention that here, Jesus says over and over "I am..." I think there are seven different places where he says something that starts with this phrase ("I am the light of the world") and at the end of Chapter 8, Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, before Abraham was born, I am!" This is one of the names of Jesus that I've always been interested in. It really captures the eternal and god-like nature of Jesus...always has been, always will be powerful enough to do it...whatever it is. I like the song by Mark Schultz in the box. Check it out.

Day 28-Not to condemn

My Prayer: Psalm 57:10 (New International Version)
10 For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.


The Reading: John 3-5
John 3:16-18 (New International Version)
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.

My Thoughts: God is love, right? We've all heard it, some of us have said it, and some of us believe it. It's difficult to reconcile a God of love with a God who will someday divide us up...those who know Jesus from those who do not. Really, we couldn't get to God before Jesus, and Jesus will be the one to divide us up...those who he knows and those of us he doesn't know, right? God loved us enough to make the ultimate sacrifice so that we would have a way back to Him. Jesus came and died for us, another example of amazing love. But he also says that someday, he's going to divide us up and say "Depart from me." Everyone has a choice to make. Jesus came to die to give us that choice. When the time comes, we'll be divided up based on what we did with that choice...those who know Jesus from those who don't. God sent the Way, but we have to make the choice.

Day 27-Grace and Truth

My Prayer: Psalm 100:4 (New International Version)
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.


The Reading: John 1-2
John 1:17 (New International Version)
17For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.


My Thoughts: The law came through Moses, grace and truth through Jesus. What does that mean? Jesus answered over and over the questions of the Pharisees and teachers who tried to trip him up. He was a great teacher, a rabbi, a man who knew the law and boiled it down to the basics for us. And thanks to him, it doesn't have a hold on us anymore. We could never come to God while under Moses' law. We mess up. I mess up. Jesus brought grace and truth, light in the dark. We spend a lot of time doing our best to check off the list of things on our "Christian To-Do" list, given to us through the law of Moses. Thank God we aren't under that law anymore. I would never measure up. Jesus brought us a new law, a new agreement with God. All we have to do now is follow the Son, the son he sent to save the world.

Day 26-They do not know

My Prayer: Psalm 100:3 (New International Version)
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his [a] ;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.


The Reading: Luke 23-24
Luke 23:34 (New International Version)
34Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.


My Thoughts: So maybe this is the best example of Jesus praying for sinners. He spoke to his Father on behalf of the people responsible for his crucifixion. In that moment of suffering and pain, he prayed for others, the very people responsible for his suffering. What an example. I don't know why I never thought of Jesus praying for me. He did it on the cross.

Day 25-Back to Peter

My Prayer: Psalm 54:4 (New International Version)
4 Surely God is my help;
the Lord is the one who sustains me.

The Reading: Luke 21-22
Luke 22:28-34 (New International Version)
28You are those who have stood by me in my trials. 29And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, 30so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.
31"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. 32But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."
33But he replied, "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death."
34Jesus answered, "I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me."

My Thoughts: I think I may have posted this before when I talked about Jesus praying for us. Peter really is my favorite. Don't you know Jesus just had to shake his head sometimes in disbelief at Peter. Peter was going to do great things...but he wasn't there yet. Then later on, verse 61, after Peter has, yes, actually denied knowing Jesus 3 times, "The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered..." Oh, man. Can you imagine? Peter blusters and promises (and cuts off some dude's ear and Jesus has to fix it) and then he messes up in a big way...and then he has to meet Jesus' eye. Oh, man. That's so much worse than getting a phone call at work to talk about how I've messed up in a big way. I cringe, and fret, and stay up at night worrying about it. Can you imagine the upset Peter faced? And Jesus knew it would happen and loved Peter anyway, made plans for his rewards in advance. Peter got a second (or with Peter, third, fourth, fifth) chance. And he did the right thing, the thing that Jesus prayed for. Satan sifted Peter and he failed, but he didn't give up. He did turn back, and he went on to impact the world. Thank you, God, for giving me a second (third, fourth) chance.

Day 24-The mission

My Prayer: Psalm 56
3 When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can mortal man do to me?


The Reading: Luke 19-20
Luke 19:10 (New International Version)
10For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."

My Thoughts: I like this story about Zaccheus the tax collector, mainly because Luke tells us that Zaccheus, being a short man, couldn't see over the crowd so he climbed a tree. For some reason, this strikes me as funny. Still, he was dedicated and he was one of the sinners that the teachers of the law didn't approve of. And seeing Jesus was important enough that he climbed a tree. He was an important, rich man. He saw Jesus, Jesus saw him, and Zaccheus made the change...salvation came to his house. My notes say that this verse is the summary of the purpose of this gospel...emphasis on Jesus as the true Messiah, the one eagerly awaited, who came to save what was lost. Who Jesus was and what he was here for in one sentence. And he said it to Zaccheus the sinner.

And just a note...how many days does it take to form a new habit? So I did pretty well for the first 23 days. Today I was too busy fretting over work to get myself together in time to do this in the morning. I keep waiting for everything to kick in...the good habits.

Day 23-When or where

My Prayer: Psalm 51:12 (New International Version)
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

The Reading: Luke 17-18
Luke 17:26-27 (New International Version)
26"Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. 27People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all.

My Thoughts: It's hard to imagine that one day, I'll be going about my normal business and then in the blink of an eye it's all over. And I won't know when or how or where. Thank God. So what do I do? Am I ready to be judged on this life today? Not really. I've still got plenty to figure out and I hope there's more time to fulfill my purpose.

Day 22-Lost sheep

My Prayer: Psalm 139:1-2, 5 (New International Version)
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

The Reading: Luke 14-16
Luke 15:3-7 (New International Version)
3Then Jesus told them this parable: 4"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

My Thoughts: Some people had trouble with Jesus because he spent so much time with sinners instead of "good" people who followed the rules. I've always liked this parable. I think it's because it's easy for met to understand. I lose things. A lot. I am very familiar with the desperate desire to find something (like my debit card). I'll do what it takes to find what's lost. I like this parable because of the shepherd picture. When he finds the sheep, he doesn't yell at the sheep or beat the sheep. He picks the sheep up, carries it back, and tells everyone to celebrate because the sheep is found. And our Shepherd tells us that there's a party in heaven every time a sinner comes back. There's no grumbling over how stupid we sheep are to have gotten lost, separated. There's a party when we come back. Jesus comes to us where we've gotten mired and lost because of our bad decisions, and he picks us up to carry us back. And there's a party to celebrate.

Day 21-Dearest Friends

My Prayer: Psalm 37:3-4 (New International Version)
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

The Reading: Luke 11-13
Luke 12:27-34 (The Message)
"Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? If fussing can't even do that, why fuss at all? Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don't fuss with their appearance—but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?

"What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.

My Thoughts: This is the passage where Jesus says, "Consider how the lilies grow..." but sometimes I like so see what The Message translation says (www.biblegateway.com is easy, easy, easy to do this) because it's supposed to be updated (in a paraphrase sort of way). The NIV says, "Do not be afraid, little flock..." and here we're "dearest friends." I've read over and over now that we are loved like children, and even sinful fathers want good things for their children. How much more will God give to us? This is also the passage that ends with Jesus telling us to store up our treasures in heaven. The Message says, "It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being." It's good advice...again, focus on that one thing (from yesterday) and the details will be taken care of.

Day 20-Mary in a Martha World

My Prayer: Psalm 113:2-3 (New International Version)
2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.
3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

The Reading: Luke 9-10
Luke 10:38-42 (New International Version)
At the Home of Martha and Mary
38As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

My Thoughts: There's a book that we sold at Lifeway called (something like) Being Mary in a Martha World. I haven't read it, but I get the concept. We have lives that are packed with activities and responsibilities and hobbies and things that take all our energy to keep going. Most of the time, these things feel like neccessities. Martha felt it was neccessary to make Jesus feel comfortable and welcome in her home. These were good goals until they distracted her from what's really important. Mary understood what was important. She had an opportunity that few had and that she would never have again. She had a chance to be near Jesus. I think Jesus might say the same thing to me that he said to Martha..."Cheryl, Cheryl, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." So then the challenge becomes making that one thing the focus and making the right choices over and over again. Right. Well, I can usually tell when I'm worried and upset, so maybe I can just switch my thoughts to the one thing that matters...being close to Jesus.

Day 19-The Golden Rule

My Prayer: Psalm 119:89-90 (New International Version)
89 Your word, O LORD, is eternal;
it stands firm in the heavens.
90 Your faithfulness continues through all generations;
you established the earth, and it endures.

The Reading: Luke 6-8
Luke 6:31 (New International Version)
31Do to others as you would have them do to you.

My Thoughts: We learned the Golden Rule in elementary school. It's a good lesson, but it's easy to forget. Many times we really go for "Do to others before they do to you." Jesus tells us to treat others the way we want to be treated before he talks about loving our enemies...because even sinners can love the people who love them. Most of the time, I get caught up in treating people the way they treat me. If they disrespect me, then I'm so, so, so tempted to return the favor. I'm supposed to be better than that. I'm supposed to be changed. I'm supposed to treat others the way I want to be treated, not return what I'm getting. It's really too bad we don't have the Golden Rule posted around as a reminder the way I did in elementary school. Maybe it would help us remember.

Day 18-Because you say

My Prayer: Psalm 5:3 (New International Version)
3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.


The Reading: Mark 3-5
Luke 5:4-8 (New International Version)
4When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch."
5Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."
6When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
8When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"

My Thoughts: Because you say so, I'll try again. Simon Peter had fished all night with no results...wrong timing, wrong place, some other fishery thing that just wasn't quite right. Then Jesus says, "One more time...right here...right now." And Simon Peter does it, against his own judgement, and reaps the rewards. Rewards beyond what could be expected. And his first reaction is to push Jesus away because he is very aware of his sin, that close to Jesus he knows he doesn't deserve what he's been given. How many times does God's goodness remind me of how little I deserve it? And all Jesus says is "Don't be afraid." Nothing about how bad you are, what you deserve, or things to change to get better...he wants to give you good things and will. Thanks goodness we don't get what we deserve. Thank goodness we get so much better.

Day 17-Telling the story

My Prayer:Psalm 73:28 (New International Version)
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

The Reading: Luke 1-2
Luke 1:3-4 (New International Version)
3Therefore, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.

My Thoughts: As I was reading Luke, I started thinking that I might get more out of it if I read something else first. The gospels are different but similar enough to make it difficult to really see the differences. But the more I read of Luke, the more I see and the more I like parts of his account. Luke, the doctor, studied and investigated many sources to build a chronological account of Jesus' life for Theophilus, "one who loves God", who must have been an important guy.
The notes in my Bible say the gospels differ in emphasis of different parts of Jesus' life because of the special interest of the writer. Luke stressed a universal theme, that this savior was for both Jew and Gentile, and he had in interest in the role of women and importance of family, care for the poor, and sinners. He also included more parables than the other gospels. The fact that they differ probably concerns some people who might view this as an example of fallibility. Writers know differently. Actually, story-tellers know differently. There are a lot of different ways to tell the story and you can change the way it's told depending on your audience. So, I'm going on through Luke because I'd like to hear his side of the story.

Day 16-Satisfying the crowd

My Prayer: Psalm 91:2 (New International Version)
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

The Reading: Mark 15-16
Mark 15:15 (New International Version)
15Wanting to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. He had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

My Thoughts: It's hard to understand why Pilate would think releasing a man who was in prison for murdering during an uprising instead of a man who taught loving your neighbor as the most important commandment was a good decision. He wanted to satisfy the crowd. It's even harder to understand how the crowd got there, but Pilate had a chance to change things. Instead, he went along with the crowd. They shouted louder than Pilate's good reason and he washed his hands of the whole thing. This was all a part of the plan, but it's also a good example of how we make the wrong decision, the easy decision. We make decisions to satisfy the crowd. Instead of being different, like we're supposed to be, we do our best to fit the world.

Day 15-Do what you can

My Prayer: Psalm 25:4-5 (New International Version)
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

The Reading: Mark 12-14
Mark 14:3-9 (New International Version)
3While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.
4Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? 5It could have been sold for more than a year's wages and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.
6"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."

My thoughts: There will always be those people who think your gifts aren't enough or at the very least not good enough. They see how much it costs in money and compare it to their own gifts, but Jesus sees the heart. This woman could have sold her perfume and given the money to the poor and been judged well, but she was moved to give it away in an offering to Jesus. It might have been the most precious think she had and she gave it all away. More than a year's wages and she gave it away in an instant. And Jesus says, "She did what she could." And then says that her story will be told wherever the gospel is preached. She got it right. What's her name? I guess it doesn't matter. Jesus knows it and we all know her story. She made a sacrifice, she gave the right thing at the right time. Can the same thing be said of me? I have to do what I can.

Day 14-Like a child

My Prayer:Psalm 13:5-6 (New International Version)
5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

The Reading: Mark 9-11
Mark 9:23-24 (New International Version)
23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

My Thoughts: Now this is a prayer...I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! The notes in my Bible say: "Since human faith is never perfect, belief and unbelief are often mixed." Later on in the same chapter Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." It has to be taken as a gift. Sometimes I don't understand it all, but I don't have to.

Day 13-A solitary place

My Prayer: Psalm 9:10 (New International Version)
10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

The Reading: Mark 6-8
Mark 6:30-31 (New International Version)
Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand
30The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

My Thoughts: Even the disciples had to take some time out to rest. Even Jesus had to have a little bit of time to himself in a quiet place to get some rest. Time was short and there was too much to do to even take the time out to eat, but Jesus took them somewhere to rest. Away from the crowds and all the good work. Sometimes all it takes is a little time in a solitary place, away from all the demands, to recharge, to get ready to go out again and feed the 5,000. I have trouble slowing down when there's so much to do, so many errands, so many deadlines. Even Jesus needed time in a solitary place. Now...the hard part is finding a solitary place. I don't think I'm up to a boat out on the lake.

Day 12-Always have hope

My Prayer: Psalm 71:14 (New International Version)
14 But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.

The Reading: Mark 4-5
Mark 4:13-20 (New International Version)
13Then Jesus said to them, "Don't you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? 14The farmer sows the word. 15Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. 16Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. 20Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown."


My Thoughts: I know some people who've claimed a certain verse as their own, it's a life verse, something that sums up their belief. I don't really have one, but I like the Psalm above. I want to be filled with hope. I want to be like the seed sown on good soil, not the on the rocks or thorny soil. And right now, I think I'm getting hung up in the rocks. So, what do I do? Build roots. To hold on, I need roots. Or to mix my parables, I need to be a stronger branch...by staying closer to the vine...or something like that. Anyway, God doesn't change...Jesus doesn't change. But I do. Or I can change if I want to. Maybe this Psalm can be mine "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."

Check out the Chris Tomlin song...How Great is Our God.

Look what I did!

I managed to add some music to the sidebar. The only song that I've mentioned here that's actually over there right now is What If by Nichole Nordeman from days ago. If you'd like to actually hear it, you can check it out over there. I think it's working...

Day 11-Burdened by good things

My Prayer: Psalm 16:5-6 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

The Reading: Mark 1-3
Mark 2:27-28 (New International Version)
27Then he said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. 28So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath."

My thoughts: There are still Pharisees in today's Christian world, people who pride themselves on knowing the rules so that they can watch for people to step out of line to be judged. And the world knows that they are Christians because they're like perfect poster children, doing the right things, saying the right things, in the door every time the church is open, so the world sees and rejects this judgement (and the hypocrisy that can almost certainly follow). The Pharisees were objecting to the disciples pulling heads of grain as they walked through a field on the Sabbath when they weren't supposed to work. And Jesus says the Sabbath was created for man to have an opportunity to take a break from work. It was a good thing for men, not meant to be just another burden. I think that happens too much in the Christian life. We take things that were meant to be blessings (worship, fellowship with others, service) and make them burdens on ourselves...and others. We lose that joy, we fight about it amongst ourselves, and can fall into the trap of looking down on others who don't do what we do. So is this hypocrisy because Christ's people are supposed to love their neighbors, right? Well, they're also human which means they're not perfect. But...the world sees it.