Endurance

Hebrews 10:36 (New Living Translation)
36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

I get overwhelmed. I take on too much and then I get overwhelmed, stressed, unable to slow down for a minute to think or enjoy. That's part of who I am. When I finished my MBA, I promised the friend who gets buried under my stress now that my original sounding board is gone that I wasn't going to take on anything else new for 6 months. And I almost made it. And the things that I did add are good or good for me. But I get overwhelmed. Work gets crazy, I have to travel which adds to my stress levels, something happens in my family, a friend has an emergency and I need to take care of it all. I want to. And I do. I'm nothing if not dependable. I may not be happy, I might complain or fret the whole time or feel guilty about not doing enough, but I'm dependable. I really wonder what God thinks about this. I know I'm not alone. I really think it's girl thing. I'm not sure really what to do about it either, except to watch carefully that I don't stop doing what I know is right to make things easier. What a challenge.

More love

1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Why do I say things I shouldn't say? It's not that I don't mean them. I do. I really, really do mean them. I just shouldn't say them. If you're like me, there are people in your life that can send you from fairly happy to both incredulous and supremely frustrated in the span of seconds (from 0 to "Oh no she didn'" with a snap in no time). There are times when I feel like I'd rather bang my head on the wall than continue to talk to certain people because it would hurt less. Been there? I think it's OK to feel that way. Then we just have to make the right choice from there. I'm called to love people. That's how the world will know that I'm a Christian. I'm not called to like people. But I am called to love them...patiently, kindly, un-rudely, un-easily angered.

Thankfully, my God is the God of second chances. It seems that the people that you truly like are easy to lose...they get new jobs, new homes, new opportunities, maybe they even die entirely too soon. And you miss them terribly. The people you don't like...stay with you forever. That just means more opportunity to get the love part right. Right?

So finally I'm paying my way

I listen to K-LOVE almost all the time I'm in my car. Locally it's 90.1 FM or 96.9 FM but it's a national Christian station, listener supported so there are no commercials. This is why I never know what's happening in traffic, but that's just a random thought. Anyway, they have pledge drives twice a year. And they're having one now. And for some reason, this time it worked on me. I pledged. When I think about how much time I spend with K-LOVE, I have to. That music is too important to my life. I'll never be able to sing well enough for others to hear me but I really enjoy singing in the privacy of my car. Sometimes I'm a total mess when I get where I'm going because my heart is broken, but more often, my head is on straight because of what I hear on that station.

I'm not sure why it worked this time. I think it may be the influence of the study on "generosity" we're doing in church. Weird. Studying something causes me to act.

Oh, and I think I've managed to actually remember-ize (yes, I know that's not a word) 2 verses. I'm sort of sensing a pattern.

Psalm 71:14-But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
1 Peter 5:7-Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

In Better Hands Now

This is a song playing on KLOVE all the time right now. And I really like it. It's another YouTube link. When I do this, I'm mainly looking for the song. The video gets us the song here...and lots of pictures of Natalie Grant. Just listen to the song!

You just look smart

Ever had a compliment like that? One that you weren't quite sure how to take? You just look smart...meaning I only appear smart and I'm not so much? I preferred to take it as a compliment as in..."Of course that test was easy for you. Smart-ness just oozes out of you." Little do they know...

There are 2 things going on here. 1. I really don't accept compliments well. 2. I've heard that one more than once and sometimes I'd rather be a really talented athlete or beautiful or have x-ray vision or be able to leap buildings in a single bound. You know, cool things like that. Something other than taking test well and appearing to have an empty pocket because I left my pocket protector at home. I really wanted to say "Thanks. You just look like a cheerleader." Not nice, right? Funny, maybe. Well, that's probably how I meant it.

Being smart is a good thing. I'm not sure I am smart, but I learn quickly, work hard, and take tests well. And I totally understand that only God could give me the gifts that I have. I'm thankful he also gave me humor and the ability to laugh at myself. Now if I could only get over wishing I had other gifts. Ever wonder what God sees? I'm not sure God's impressed with my testing ability or ease with a witty comeback. He wants me to be wise, not smart, and humble and compassionate. Maybe there's hope for me. At least I know it's wrong to insult the pretty girl. And I only do it in my head. That might be growth.

Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Called to go

Acts 1:8
8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

I have a friend leaving today for Ecuador. And she's a work friend. That's how we know each other. Except that we've spent some time together in Bible study at work, studying Purpose Driven Life. The first time we went through it, I so clearly heard the call to go on mission that I couldn't ignore it. And that's saying something. I can ignore lots of things I don't want to hear. My call led to Peru. At that time, she was in a totally different place. She wasn't ready to go. Since then, we've been through other Bible studies together, the Purpose Driven Life at least one more time, and her life has changed. And she's going to Ecuador. I'm praying for her safety and that she's going to meet God there the way I met Him in Peru. Her life will never be the same.

And here's how my life's changed...I think I'm envious. I want to go too. I want to experience that closeness and power again. God really can work miracles in hearts that are open.

Joy in the Gospel

I did the right thing and went to my Bible study last night. This is what happens to me. I get overwhelmed in life and I start to drop out of church. Right now, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed between work and my personal stuff so I start the inner whine about how tired I am and I just want to go home and I'd rather do something else with my precious spare time. I hope I'm not alone. Yesterday my friends at work gave me a gift certificate to a local yarn store. And I really wanted to go ahead and take care of that. What can I say? Money burns a hole in my pocket. And I had to have a verse memorized for that study. I've been working on memorizing something else. Excuses, excuses.

So this is what I did.
1. I left work on time.
2. I went home and found a nice, short verse to memorize. Psalm 71:14: "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more." And apparently I memorized it well enough to carry over to today.
3. I went to the Bible study. And I'm really happy I went. It was such a good reminder...joy in the gospel.

Why don't we have Paul's joy? He was in chains and facing serious things and he said, "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." The "to die is gain" part is easy for me to understand. The first part is the challenge. I think that spreading the gospel has been given to Christians as a duty, an obligation. It's hard to take joy in an obligation. And the message that we have to give is such a reason for joy. How can giving someone else hope not be a reason to feel joy? I think this is just one more thing that we lose track of in life. And that's how we lose the joy that God wants us to have in this Christian life.

It's just a good thing that gift card wasn't to Barnes & Noble. It would have all been over for Bible study last night. I heart books. I'd have gotten some joy from running wild in a book store. No doubt about that. Of course, if I can just remember what I learned last night, I can have that joy every day.

The Rest of the Gift

Romans 5:8
8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 10:9-10
9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

Romans 8:38-39
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 12:1-2 Living Sacrifices
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

It's really difficult for some people to believe how easy it is to reach God. Jesus died to make it that easy. He died for each sinner and all I have to do is confess him as Lord. And then nothing can separate me from him. Nothing can make me lose the gift. We're really the ones who mess this up because we're not good enough or because something bad happens so we convince ourselves that a loving God is impossible. Or on the flip side, that a loving God couldn't possibly intend to someday follow through with his promise of judgement. I think today I'll thank God for giving me a simple faith. On the simple confession "Jesus is Lord", I have no doubts. And the rest of it is important, but I don't have to figure it all out now. I may stumble over intellectual questions or the pain of disappointment. Nothing is going to separate me from the love of God.

Gift of God

Romans 6:23
23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Aren't unexpected gifts the best? The ones given "just because"...just because I love you, just because I saw this and thought of you, just because. The gift of God is a total "just because I love you" kind of gift. There's absolutely nothing you can do to deserve it. Why? Because all have sinned and fallen short and the wages of sin is death. That's it. We're all eliminated from earning eternal life. But Jesus was our gift. Of course, that doesn't mean we all have to accept the gift. I think I'm one of those people who has trouble with getting gifts that I don't feel like I've earned. Or maybe "earned" should be "deserve" in that sentence. This is one gift I accept, whether I deserve it or not. And I'm 100% sure that it will never be taken away from me. What a great gift, right?

Glory of God

Romans 3:23 (New International Version)
23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

So in a couple of the conversations I've had lately, either about my testimony or about joy, the idea that some people have better sin than others comes up. The idea that I can pat myself on the back that at least I never did anything that bad. My problem is that my testimony seems less influential because I don't have a dramatic conversion story. And both ideas are just wrong. One is pride and the other is some other weird thing that keeps me from accomplishing God's purpose, and that's just another sin, There is no sin scale, right? All have sinned and fall short. And God's grace is for all of us. And will all be forced to make the decision to accept it. Or not.

I'm not who I was

I was thinking about Paul's story and this song together. And really, it's every Christian's story, no matter how dramatic your conversion is. I had to give my testimony in Sunday School this weekend. I don't really have any drama...good family of good people. I wasn't raised in church, but I was nearly as "good" before as I am now. Which is to say, not as good as I could be. Anyway, what's different in my life? Nothing more and nothing less than I can live it with hope, security, and joy. I have a purpose. Oh, and God has called me to do things that I would never have thought of on my own. So that's a pretty big change, right? My outsides don't appear that different but, man, on the inside...God's working.

Don't quit

Most of what I know about Jeremiah, the book, is the verse that shows up all over the place, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And that's not a bad thing to know, a good promise. Yesterday, we looked at the earlier Jeremiah, at the man, the prophet who struggled for 20 years with the message that God sent. People hated him. He struggled to do God's will, answered the call, and people really hated him for it. And Jeremiah got really angry at God. Who could really blame him? He's suffering, he's obedient, and it looks like nothing is changing. I'd be angry and bitter and depressed, too. And disappointed in God. It's a tough place to be. I've been there.

Jeremiah 20:18 says
18 Why did I ever come out of the womb
to see trouble and sorrow
and to end my days in shame?

But there was hope for Jeremiah. This wasn't the end. Now we know that his life was going to change, radically change. Things were going to get better. He'd see results. But he had to hold on. The 2 key points of the sermon were:
1. Even when God is silent, He is still working. Even Jesus felt the absence of God. But God was still working in the world. Saving the world.
2. Don't stop talking to God. Jeremiah ranted at God, but he didn't give up on God. He continued to claim God's promises. I've been here. Angry and disillusioned but totally hopeless without something to hold on and believe in. And I know that God has promised me that He's going to bring about something good from all the stuff in my life because I belong to Him.

We talked also in my joy Bible study about how it's so easy to sit in judgement of other people who seem to lead a charmed life, no difficulties at all. There really aren't many of them out there, but there are some. And I can sit back and think to myself how much stronger I am than they are until I run up against someone else who's carried more and better than I have. What right do I have to be angry and disillusioned when I've had such an easy life? Thank goodness God doesn't quit on us either. And he loves me even when I rant...or worse, whine.

Taking a Fruit Break

Ever had one of those days where you just need to stop and catch your breath? I'm having one. So I need to turn my focus away from the demands to a reminder of what I'm here for from Galatians 5. It could be the self control where I'm falling apart.

Galatians 5
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

And...MJ, since you and I are the only ones around, sorry to unload. I'm better now. For the moment.

Another Lesson from Peter

PETER IN THE BEGINNING:
Impetuous, loud, a little "look at me" in the group. He loved Jesus and wanted to do the right thing even when he messed up...he jumped out of the boat and walked on water until he realized what he was doing and then sank like a stone, he fished where Jesus told him to fish even though he had his doubts, he cut off the ear of one of the men who came to arrest Jesus and he proclaimed himself willing to die for Jesus but then denied him...and then had to meet his eye. He obviously loved Jesus. And he obviously had some big weaknesses to battle.

And Jesus knew all of this about Peter. He also knew how Peter would change the world. In spite of his weakness. Jesus prayed for Peter. He didn't take away the thorns of his sometimes too eager personality or fear. He prayed for Peter. Peter worked with his weakness. And he changed the world.

Luke 22:31-34
31"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. 32But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

33But he replied, "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death."

34Jesus answered, "I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me."

PETER NEAR THE END:
Strong, firm, steadfast.

1 Peter 5:8-11
8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Joy in Weakness

Tonight's lesson at the Bible study is about joy in weakness. It's based on 2 Corinthians where Paul talks about his thorn, given to him to keep him from becoming conceited.

2 Corinthians 12
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

For when I am weak, then I am strong? Or when I am weak, God is strong. The Bible is filled with examples of people who appeared too weak to do what they accomplished. Only God could be responsible. It's easy to pray to remove the thorn. In fact, it seems natural to me to desperately desire to get rid of the thorn, to blame the thorn for preventing me from reaching success. It also makes sense that God uses the thorn and our weakness to work on others, to reach others who might not connect with a religious superstar. Of course, there's also hope for all of us mere mortals. Paul started out as only a mortal, maybe worse than your average dude. And he became a religious superstar because God could work through him and his weakness.

This was a great study. My favorite, Peter, pops back up. I'll come back to him tomorrow.

So Long Self (the song's title)

In this area, I could only say "Do as I say, not as I do" if I were to throw around advice. One of the hardest parts of being a Christian...learning to be selfless. In a world filled with authorities and bosses and requirements, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and underappreciated. It's not so easy to remember "Believe it or not but life is not apparently about me anyways" every day.

MercyMe - So Long Self
From the album Coming Up To Breathe

Well if I come across a little bit distant
It's just because I am
Things just seem to feel a little bit different
You understand

Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say

Chorus:
So long self
Well it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me farewell
Oh well, Goodbye, don't cry
So Long Self

Stop right there because I know what your thinking
But no we can't be friends
And even though I know your heart is breaking
This has to end

And come to think of it the blame for all of this
Simply falls on me
For wanting something more in life than all of this