Recently I've discovered that I just expect to be able to find answers when I search for them. In the Internet age, you can find a thousand places to tell you how to properly boil an egg. Don't believe me? Just do a search. I do know. I'm not much of a cook. Really, I'm not a cook at all. I used to call my mother every time I had to boil eggs. Now I search the Internet. Some things are just too embarassing to call and ask someone who you're still trying to impress. And that's one of my biggest problems: I'm still trying to impress, to look like I have it together, to pretend that nothing hurts or that I need anything more than I have.
Other searches are a lot more difficult to find the answers, even with all this information at your fingertips. And I know I should be talking about the big issues...what am I here for, is there a God, why do bad things happen. I just think I have all those things answered. I'm not searching for those answers. Mine are different: finances, electrical, rodent eradication, relationships, how to fix me, and other assorted pieces. And they all stem from me trying to take care of me. All on my own. I think I'm looking for...if you can do this, that, and this other thing, then yes, of course, this career path is for you. Or if he says this, he does that, and he's this kind of person...then this, without a doubt, is exactly what he means. And he is so into you. Follow this path. Go this way. Do this thing. And you will be happy.
Lately, I've sorta been having these conversations in my head. Ironically, they're about getting out of my head. Getting out of my way. Asking for help, direction, thoughts, suggestions from experts. Now, where can I find experts? Maybe I'll try Google...
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