This is a Call

I was working on the computer when this song came on the Christian channel I was listening to. So then I went to search YouTube...you can find everything there! The video is good, but the song reminded me of someone that I know. Well, more than one person that I know. I think we wait for burning bushes and angelic messengers to identify our opportunities sometimes. And, really, they are all around. The call is all around us.

The Need for Workers
35 Jesus traveled through all the towns and villages of that area, teaching in the synagogues and announcing the Good News about the Kingdom. And he healed every kind of disease and illness. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 He said to his disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. 38 So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.”

Still and quiet

Psalm 131
A song of ascents. Of David.
1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

Reading Psalm 130 from yesterday and Psalm 131 today back-to-back required a tissue. I'm going to blame it on the timing, but the truth is that I think any reference to being a child just really makes me remember. I'm thinking about another time when I watched for sunrise, at another hospital bed, this time my mother's. This time, I had snuck in to visit her on my way to work, just to see if I could do anything for her. Actually, probably to try to catch a doctor, but I'm sure that was wasted effort. I'm supposed to be at work at 7:00, so it was very early and she was still asleep. So I crept in and had a seat to wait, watching out the window for dawn. I can't really remember the why of the hospital stay. We were still battling the cancer at this point and I think she had some kind of fever. I just remember the feeling of dread there in the dark. I wanted hustle, bustle, light, life, and most of all, I wanted her to be herself. And to not feel so alone. Then she woke up, saw me, and snapped "And what are you doing here?" And everything was OK. She chased me out, back to work.

With a few more sunrises between the two, I understood why miraculous healing may not be the answer to prayer. It's probably not the right prayer. Thanks to my mother, I never had any night watches with her. She really wouldn't allow it. But I still prayed, not with the perfect expectation of youth, but with hope that God would answer my prayers for my mother. I'm not sure I trusted God to do the right thing for her. But He did. And in a way to clearly demonstrate to me that it was an answer, to demonstrate his love for her and for me, and to demonstrate that God is good. All the time. Now if I can just learn to expect that like I look forward to the dawn.

Father, help me to still and quiet my soul, even when I don't understand, trusting you.

Waiting for the dawn

I'm playing catch-up in my Tuesday night Bible study so I just ran across this.

Psalm 130
A song of ascents.
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

6 My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Have you ever waited for dawn to come? The image here is of the watchmen, who sit at the city wall and watch for enemies through the night. Dawn means safety and success. For some reason, this really hit me with a couple of different memories in my life where I literally waited on the sun to rise, believing that sunrise meant safety and success. The first time was after a sleepless night with a very sick father, watching with my mother. In my mind, the changing of the nurses which coincided with the end of the first chemotherapy treatment around 7:00 a.m. was a goal, something to aim for that meant safety and success. Of course, at that point, on that night, in my youth, I knew that God was going to answer my prayers in just the manner I intended them: miraculous healing if that was what was required.

Just before that goal, when the sky was brightening, my father died. I don't remember sunrise or really much of anything until that afternoon, sitting on my mother's patio, stunned at how God seemed to have ignored my prayer. I really don't think I'll ever forget that night or the feelings of expectation...sunrise meant a new day, another reason to hope. And I completely understand the feeling of expectation the psalmist describes. We are to anticipate God's answer in exactly that manner as it means safety and success.

So then...why do prayers go unanswered? Are they unanswered? This was a hard lesson and it's one I'm still learning. In that case, that prayer was answered, not in the way I intended, but in the best way. It just took a few more times of watching for the sun to rise to understand it better, to understand why and how I can put my hope in the Lord.

Galatians--Week 4--Paul gets personal

In Chapter 4 of the letter to the Galatians, Paul completes his argument on grace's superiority over the law. To this point, Paul has been more like a lawyer arguing a case, but at this point, his tone changes to that of a concerned friend. There are 3 different ideas in this chapter:

Heirs vs. slaves-

4But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, 5to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. 6Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." 7So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

During this time, children were often taught and guided by trusted slaves until they reached a certain age. While they were under this control, they lived like the slaves did. And then when they reached the age, they became full heirs of their fathers. In fact, they were always heirs, but they lived under the restrictions that slaves lived with until the time came. Paul is saying that if we choose to live under the law, we are still slaves. The time has come, God sent His son at the perfect time, so that we could live as heir instead of slaves.

17. What does it mean to be an heir? When I hear "heir," I immediately think of rich relatives and stunning fortunes bequeathed in the last will and testament. Since I don't have any of those, that must come from the movies. But this is sort of like that, because we are heirs to treasures that we can't even see yet. While we're here, being an heir is good but someday being an heir, or a child able to call God "abba" or "daddy" is going to be out-of-this-world!

Making it personal here...

14Even though my illness was a trial to you, you did not treat me with contempt or scorn. Instead, you welcomed me as if I were an angel of God, as if I were Christ Jesus himself. 15What has happened to all your joy? I can testify that, if you could have done so, you would have torn out your eyes and given them to me. 16Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?

Paul changes his tone here to that of a confused and wounded friend or parent, someone who cares deeply what happens to these believers. How could they forget everything they did for him and what he taught while they were together?

And an OT analogy to round things up.

28Now you, brothers, like Isaac, are children of promise. 29At that time the son born in the ordinary way persecuted the son born by the power of the Spirit. It is the same now. 30But what does the Scripture say? "Get rid of the slave woman and her son, for the slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with the free woman's son." 31Therefore, brothers, we are not children of the slave woman, but of the free woman.

Remember the story of Hagar and Ishmael? Paul uses Hagar and Sarah to illustrate life under the law, where man struggles to make his own plans to accomplish what he wants. That's Hagar's story. The contrast is following God's miraculous plan, represented by God's promise to Abraham and Sarah. Having a baby at 90...pretty much gotta be a God-thing. All believers are descendants of Isaac, not Ishmael, born of God's promise, not man's plan.

Seeing people the way God sees people

Matthew 9:36
When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

This was one of the verses that we studied over the weekend at the singles retreat and it reminded of something someone told be about trying to see people the way that God sees people. And really, I think if we could see the hearts of men and women around us, we'd all be moved to compassion too.

One of the examples that comes to mind is a church friend that I've alternately liked/envied. She's beautiful, really smart, has a great, close, loving family and seems very spiritually mature. And yet, she's single. Like me. As always happens when I start comparing myself to others, I don't measure up and that opens the door to all kinds of terrible feelings. And she has had nothing to do with any of it.

Then I spend time with her and realize she has her own issues...what she doesn't like about her face or her body, places where she admits she needs to work on her life, and she's facing her own battle...a parent with cancer. I have been there. Twice. I understand the battle. No matter how much you know God and love God and want God's will, you still want to ask questions and demand answers.

Outwardly, she has it all together and is in control. I do too. Inwardly, I suspect she's a little more disordered. I don't know about her, but this is a choice that I make daily...to look like I have it under control.

When I think about the groups I'm around and how many of those people are fighting their own battles, it really does break my heart. I understand how Christ could have compassion on those and call us to reach out them. To do so, I have to get out of my own head and build the relationships. That's the only way to find out what's in the heart.

God is good

I just got home from a retreat with the singles group from my church. Before we left, we met to talk about what we learned on the trip. And I have to say that I am reminded again that God is good. I'm certain there's a name for whatever my problem is but situations like this fill me with anxiety. For weeks before, I was excited by the thought and then the day dawned and I was filled with dread. This happens time and again in my life. I'm sure I have some disorder, but I'll just stick with "shy" because it sounds sorta cute.

The cause: I have an almost unchanging conviction that I am less...less interesting, less funny, less likable. And it takes me a while to work out of that shyness around any group. I've been a part of the singles group for a year. One year of listening and inching out time and again. But this weekend was a little bit of immersion...new people in unfamiliar surroundings. And then there were swimsuits involved.

I will say this about me...I don't back down. Usually. I soldier on, grimly determined that I can make it through no matter what, it'll be good for me, etc. And this weekend, I was reminded again and again that God is good. He called me to live in community with people like these...fun people, funny people, people who will encourage me and together we can accomplish great things.

Again I was reminded...God is good. And what He calls me to do, he will give me the power to do. And I did it. And I expect my relationships with this part of my Christian family to be different. It's difficult to be inauthentic with someone who's seen you in a bathing suit.

Bumper sticker theology

I saw this on a car parked outside my dentist's office on Monday and I've been thinking about this bumper sticker since then. I wish I'd had a chance to find out more about the person driving. This was just one of a collection of slogans stuck to the bumper but this is the one I remember. It reminds me of our conversation about the Galatians and of another Ghandhi quote about being the change that you want to see in the world. I guess I remember this because it's a little shocking and at the same time a great reminder that the world is watching us every day to see how we are different.

I thought the second sticker was both funny and sad at the same time. I think there are people all over the world who believe that looking busy is all that really matters...doing the right things, checking off the list of to-do items...that's what really matters. But Jesus sees the heart and it really doesn't matter. I think my bumper sticker would say "Jesus is Coming. BE BUSY."