So, does it really work?

Genesis 24
10 Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor. 11 He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water.

12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master."

I've mentioned that I've been working on my own independent study of prayer. This is a prayer of one of Abraham's servants. And God answered it by sending Rebekah, and she did as he prayed and she was the one for Isaac. More than once I've wished God would just send the sign, the burning bush, the cloud of smoke leading the way. And I have prayed a prayer like this when I was scared to death that God was calling me to make a mission trip. And he answered each prayer in a way that was without question an affirmative: Yes. Go. God is full of mercy and he knew that nothing less would get me moving. But I've also wondered whether this reflects a lack of faith. Is this a way to test God or is this a way to search God's will and know?

I've been thinking about this for the past week because I feel like I'm facing a big decision. I know how I feel in my heart, but my head tries to be logical, to make the proper decision regardless of how I "feel" right now...the best decision for my future. And, as logic really isn't my strong point, especially in personal decision making, it's a struggle. So today I was driving on the way to my next hurdle, the normal feeling of dread riding shotgun, and I was just basically talking to God...and I said, "You know, if I don't see results tonight or if this person calls me to tell me she can't make it again, I'm going to know the right decision to make" never really believing that it would ever be that simple. I arrive. I'm bustling to be prepared. And she calls to say she won't be able to make it. So...now what? Is that answered prayer? After the first epic battle over the Peru trip, I've never believed in coincidence. If I put on my ill-fitting logic hat again, here's what I know:
1. God answers prayer every day. Maybe not always in ways that I hear, but I believe they're answered.
2. God answers through His word and His people. Both seem to be at work here.
3. I've been asking, seeking, knocking for some time. God promised to answer.
4. When I think of making this decision, I feel peace. I worry over tomorrow, but today I will feel happy, unburdened, at peace. Since God has promised to take care of tomorrow, maybe today is what matters.

I think I have an answer.
Quick, somebody with better logic...point out the flaws in my reasoning!

Get the Drift

This Sunday we studied a little more on Jacob's life. Jacob is another one of those characters that really gives a regular person hope. Jacob was so imperfect. His name says it all: Deceiver. He tricked his brother out of his blessing as first born, ran away in fear for his life, and even though God came to him personally, he continued to try to weasel out of conflict instead of automatically doing the right thing. Sounds like someone I might know. And still, God would use him to save the world. The last king descended from Jacob/Israel: Jesus. I guess if God waited on one of us to always do the right thing...well, it would be a really long wait. This time around, we looked at what Jacob did after his sons destroyed Shechem. When his life and his entire family are in danger because of his inaction and lack of leadership, then Jacob takes action...bury the idols, let's go back to where we should be. Until that point, it looks like they followed the normal path...following God perfectly is just a little too hard, let's try something a little easier. And before you know it, you have idols that you worship instead of the God of Israel, the God who called Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, who spoke to them personally and through them made it possible for me to belong.

It's a good thing Jacob was a part of the legacy. God made a promise to Abraham and he kept it to Jacob, protecting him from the consequences of his actions. In this one time, Jacob's entire family/tribe could have been destroyed. Instead God reminded him of where he started, sending him back to Bethel where he met God in the first place. Some returns are easier than others, aren't they? Sometimes it's a correction, and then sometimes it's a turn back to where you should be. I guess it all depends on where you are in the drift. I think I'm a little off course.

Thank you, God, for the reminder that you don't move, that I can always return to you, and that you will keep your promises even when I forget.

Persistence

Matthew 7
7Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.
8For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened.
9Or what man is there of you, if his son asks him for a loaf of bread, will hand him a stone?
10Or if he asks for a fish, will hand him a serpent?
11If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good and [h]advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father Who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give good and [i]advantageous things to those who keep on asking Him!

So instead of doing what I felt like I had to do on Wednesday, I put all that aside and pulled out my Bible. I've never done an unguided study. Usually I rely on published writers to help guide me through a study. I like books. I especially like to write IN books so it works for me. In my confusion, I just decided to start someplace, anyplace.

I pulled out my Comparative Study Bible (4 versions for the price of one...really big one) that has King James, Amplified, New Amercian Standard, and my fave New International versions. And I had a concordance. Remember the verse from Wednesday? I think that it's interesting that the first revelation came to me at the beginning of the next chapter. The first verse I looked up was in Matthew 7. I'm familiar with the Ask, Seek, and Knock version. The "Keep ON" part was lost on me. Until I read it on Wednesday. I'm sure I'm all alone in the world, but I think I've always understood that as "Ask". To me, that's one time. Maybe it's a sign of an easy life that I think one request is all that's needed. And some things just aren't that easy, right? Ask, but it's really keep on asking, knocking, until you get the answer. Like the man who goes to his friend late at night to ask for bread. The first answer is "No, I'm already in bed." But if he keeps asking, the man gives the friend what he wants. Persistence pays off. And of course, my natural bent is to make the leap...if I keep asking, eventually God will be annoyed enough that I'll get what I want. Works with Mom, right? Well, not MY mom, but I think it must work somewhere.

I don't think we can leap that far, but now that the light bulb's gone off, I do understand why asking once is not the idea. Now I bump up against the problem that God already knows what I need...why do I have to ask? I'll tackle that one next. Maybe.

Stepping out...and then back?

I am confused. I don't really mind admitting it because it happens pretty often, but I'm just not sure what to think. Does this ever happen to you? I feel like I've made a calm, rational decision accompanied by prayer and an earnest desire to be in God's will. So why am I not successful? Or happy? Or even sure that this place is on God's map for my life? In this place in my life, I have no time for anything more than work. It's temporary, but I'm feeling that I might be on the wrong track. If it were the right track, would I feel like God is saying:

I want you to build strong relationships with Christian friends. You need to be in Bible study.

I want you to influence your friends and family. You need to be teaching a Bible study. And controlling your temper. And putting in the time.

I want you to make an impact here at home. You need to be involved in a ministry. Remember the ESL classes? You could do that.

I want you to make an impact on the world. You know that mission trip? Yes. Go.

I want you to use the gifts I've given you: intelligence, humor, and a love of writing, reading, and study. For me.

And right now, I feel like not even one of these things can be accomplished along with my current ambition. So how do I know when to make the change? Could the total peace that I felt making the first decision to get here have been wrong? Maybe it was confidence in my own ability to be in control. Confidence is unusual for me! Maybe that's why I mistook it for something else. Or can the pulls that I feel to do more be combined with my life as it is? I'm confused. And this verse comes to mind "Seek ye first the kingdom of God...":

Matthew 6 (from the Message translation)
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

God, please make my path clear.

New life

Romans 6
4We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
5If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
8Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.

Easter is one of those church days thats bound to see me in tears. Yesterday I was a little restrained because I was in such close proximity to a male type and didn't want to have the runny nose that ususally accompanies my emotion. Then I was with my family, another sure way to bring the tears. Being surrounded by my family just makes me miss the ones who are missing even more. For some reason, I seem to be in a little more control this time around.

I hope that this comes from the fact that God and I are spending a little more time together every day, so that my heart doesn't wrench at each new encounter. I've started a study on prayer because I really want to understand better so that I can know God better. I do know without a doubt that Easter is a reason for celebration, the one day that makes every other day livable, the reason that we can live with hope, without fear.

I hope that you had a reason to celebrate yesterday too.

The video is to a song by Nicole C. Mullen, "I Know My Redeemer Lives."

World Poetry Day

Thanks, Deb, for the reminder.
I like this poem by Hopkins.

Pied Beauty
GLORY be to God for dappled things—
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;
Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough; 5
And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original, spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change: 10
Praise him.

Who do you say he is?

John 3:16-17 (New International Version)
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

We talked about this in church yesterday, that everyone knows by heart the first part. You know it's hit the big time when signs at sporting events advertise it, right? But how many memorize the second part, not to condemn but to save. It's hard to imagine that someone so just and righteous wouldn't condemn someone like me. Really. Even for me, it's hard to believe sometimes. But there it is, in black and white for the entire world to see. Yesterday was Palm Sunday and I had some inappropriate humor (that happens when you try to laugh whenever possible, you rename serious stories about the life of Jesus. For some reason, Jesus: The Musical sounded better than The Kingdom to me.) It's easy to remember the celebration, harder to understand how that could happen days before the crucifixion. Honestly, if God can love me that much, why is it difficult to understand that he can surely forgive my sins now? God as judge is such a scary picture. It's scary because I know what I deserve. w
Who do you say he is? This verse says it all: power to condemn but grace and mercy to save...those who choose him.