What if you can't get help?

I don't like to ask for help. Just about anyone who knows me can tell you this is true. I don't like to admit that I need help, I never want help, I want to do it on my own, I want to be independent. Most of the time, I'm faking. I usually need help, even if it's just to remember that whatever the situation is will change. I recently had a different situation...I know I need help, I admit I need help, I ask for help, and I get a pat on the head. No help. The moral to that story is that people will let you down. They don't slow down long enough to really understand the situation and they've got their own stuff. Thank goodness that's rare. I know people, friends, who would do whatever they could to help me with anything. Any time. No matter how I managed to end up in that spot. Those friends are treasures and I know it. I hope someday that I can be that same kind of friend. And then there's the rest of my world...made up of the typical kinds of people, many of whom I'd avoid if I could. You know what I mean? Inconsistent, self-absorbed, uncaring...people like me.

I started thinking about this because I got to work today and I was vividly reminded of that episode. It's about to come around again and I'm a little frustrated just thinking about it. I'm so thankful that Jesus is one of those dependable friends, the ones who help when I ask for help. I may not like the help, but he's not going to blame me either for failing. Of course, he probably wishes I was litte more consistent and caring. I need to work on that.

I Get by with a Little Help

Ecclesiastes 4 (Don't ever think that the stuff you have to do to "pledge" a "women's social club" is wasted. I had to memorize part of this for the super, duper, top secret ceremony. Don't tell anyone, 'k?)

8 There was a man all alone;
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
"For whom am I toiling," he asked,
"and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?"
This too is meaningless—
a miserable business!

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

This goes back to my idea about how Jesus handled life. Everyone needs a friend. And Jesus was lucky like I am lucky to work with friends. Work is less like work when you can spend time with people you like. I don't really know how much Jesus liked all the disciples, but really, they spent alot of time together. There must have been a bond, an appreciation. One may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, and a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. I think this may only work with men because every time I spent time with 2 female friends, fights were easy to find. That doesn't really matter. It's good advice.

One of the sessions I went to this weekend was about living in community with other Christians. I went because I struggle with that interdependence idea. I want to be IN-DE-PEN-DENT or die trying. I think this last verse sums it all up much better than that hour-long speaker did. There's strength in numbers, especially when those numbers support each other. And this world can be a battle where defense is critical. Jesus had a defense. Do you? I do. And I'm thankful. That's not true every day because sometimes that togetherness can get a little too "in my business" instead. But when life falls apart, I'm so thankful for my support, especially my 2 closest friends who make up my cord. I thank God for them.

WWJD...my unscientific guess

Life is hectic. And really, I don't have anyone to blame but me for that because I've made the decisions that brought me here to this place (a place I'm very familiar with because I visit it over and over. Really). Since I almost busied myself out of the singles conference, I've been thinking about that. As Christians, Jesus is our model. And he seems like he might have one or two (hundred) hectic days. Little things like running thieves out of the temple, feeding 5,000 with a few loaves and fish, healing the sick, raising the dead, calming storms, and being followed by crowds (and Peter) must have made for hectic days. Well, that and knowing how his own story was going to turn out must have made it difficult to relax even on the good days. How in the world did he do it?

The crowds alone would have made me crazy. And it's a short step from crazy to angry irritation for me. The disciples would have had to watch me every minute. Of course, the thing about models is that they're perfect, right? I'm flawed. I know, hard to believe.
Here's my unscientific list of what Jesus did to cope. I think I'm still working on it but I'll try to flesh it out as we go.
1. He didn't try to do it all alone. Friends are good.You need help and someone to depend on.
2. Close friends are even better. Peter, James, and John knew Jesus better than anyone else.
3. Quiet time is required.
4. Understanding your purpose can make it all worthwhile.
5. First things first, second things never. (Mary and Martha)
6. Prioritize. (Love God)

Hold Fast

What I've learned in my life, the one thing greater than my strife is your grasp...

I've probably posted about this before but I like this song. A lot. Could be why it comes up often. I heard it on the way to work this morning. I had a bad day yesterday. It happens. I don't like to be rushed, scheduled minute by minute and for approximately 23 days (total guess), that's my life. And I'm frustrated by it. And the thing is that this is the way that I run my life. I add too much. I try too much. And then I melt down. You would think that at 35, I might be able to control the impulse to add more. You'd be wrong. I do not learn. Until I'm going through the breakdown, I'm firmly in control of it all. And then I'm not and I want to just let it all, every single bit, good and bad, just let it go. And as I'm typing, I'm realzing that I'll probably never be able to change that. It will take supernatural help to change the patterns of 35 years.

Psalm 139 For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

Where is your hope?

If it were not for hope, the heart would break.

-- Thomas Fuller

Psalm 62:5-6
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

I have a hard time imagining life without hope, but I think there are people living that way. To me, hope is key to survival, the belief that tomorrow can be better than today. Some days are great days, but every life has the days that aren't great, aren't happy, are frustrating and defeating and stressful. I might mess up or disappoint myself or someone else or something that's out of my control can shake everything, but tomorrow can be better. I hope it's going to be better. I believe that it can be better. Of course, I know where my hope is. And I'm so thankful today that God does not change. He doesn't get angry, give up, or walk away from me. I may blow from here to there, go away and come back, make bad choices or stop listening, but God doesn't give up, doesn't move, doesn't change. And tomorrow can be better, and someday it will be the best. I have hope.

Lift my eyes

There's just nothing like needing help to renew faith, is there? Things are rocking along smoothly and there's really no need to involve God in my plans. Throw a wrench in the works and I suddenly remember where my help comes from. Yesterday I mentioned sleepless nights. I've moved on to nervous eating during the day. I'm not sure what the next step in the escalation is but I've got to manage to take care of this one. I had a few quiet moments yesterday between one thing and the next where I sat and desperately prayed. I don't know how God keeps from getting fed up. This happens over and over with me. I sort of hope He rolls his eyes just like I would in the same spot. Praying for clear direction and security. Over and over. Security seems iffy based on what I'm re-reading about getting out of the boat so I've sort of pinned my hopes on the "clear direction" part of the equation.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I'm a thinker. I spend too much time in my head. Thinking. And last night was one of those nights where the thinking started and just wouldn't stop. To try to shut it all down, all the worries about whether or not I'm doing the right thing or making the right decision or headed for failure or...or..., I picked up John Ortberg's book If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get OUt of the Boat. The man likes long titles. It's a look at the story where Peter walks on water. For a minute. Until he sees the wind.

I'm not sure it quieted my mind but I had something new to think about. As long as Jesus commands me, I'm going to get out of the boat. The next question: How can I be sure of the command?