WWJD...my unscientific guess

Life is hectic. And really, I don't have anyone to blame but me for that because I've made the decisions that brought me here to this place (a place I'm very familiar with because I visit it over and over. Really). Since I almost busied myself out of the singles conference, I've been thinking about that. As Christians, Jesus is our model. And he seems like he might have one or two (hundred) hectic days. Little things like running thieves out of the temple, feeding 5,000 with a few loaves and fish, healing the sick, raising the dead, calming storms, and being followed by crowds (and Peter) must have made for hectic days. Well, that and knowing how his own story was going to turn out must have made it difficult to relax even on the good days. How in the world did he do it?

The crowds alone would have made me crazy. And it's a short step from crazy to angry irritation for me. The disciples would have had to watch me every minute. Of course, the thing about models is that they're perfect, right? I'm flawed. I know, hard to believe.
Here's my unscientific list of what Jesus did to cope. I think I'm still working on it but I'll try to flesh it out as we go.
1. He didn't try to do it all alone. Friends are good.You need help and someone to depend on.
2. Close friends are even better. Peter, James, and John knew Jesus better than anyone else.
3. Quiet time is required.
4. Understanding your purpose can make it all worthwhile.
5. First things first, second things never. (Mary and Martha)
6. Prioritize. (Love God)

Hold Fast

What I've learned in my life, the one thing greater than my strife is your grasp...

I've probably posted about this before but I like this song. A lot. Could be why it comes up often. I heard it on the way to work this morning. I had a bad day yesterday. It happens. I don't like to be rushed, scheduled minute by minute and for approximately 23 days (total guess), that's my life. And I'm frustrated by it. And the thing is that this is the way that I run my life. I add too much. I try too much. And then I melt down. You would think that at 35, I might be able to control the impulse to add more. You'd be wrong. I do not learn. Until I'm going through the breakdown, I'm firmly in control of it all. And then I'm not and I want to just let it all, every single bit, good and bad, just let it go. And as I'm typing, I'm realzing that I'll probably never be able to change that. It will take supernatural help to change the patterns of 35 years.

Psalm 139 For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

Where is your hope?

If it were not for hope, the heart would break.

-- Thomas Fuller

Psalm 62:5-6
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

I have a hard time imagining life without hope, but I think there are people living that way. To me, hope is key to survival, the belief that tomorrow can be better than today. Some days are great days, but every life has the days that aren't great, aren't happy, are frustrating and defeating and stressful. I might mess up or disappoint myself or someone else or something that's out of my control can shake everything, but tomorrow can be better. I hope it's going to be better. I believe that it can be better. Of course, I know where my hope is. And I'm so thankful today that God does not change. He doesn't get angry, give up, or walk away from me. I may blow from here to there, go away and come back, make bad choices or stop listening, but God doesn't give up, doesn't move, doesn't change. And tomorrow can be better, and someday it will be the best. I have hope.

Lift my eyes

There's just nothing like needing help to renew faith, is there? Things are rocking along smoothly and there's really no need to involve God in my plans. Throw a wrench in the works and I suddenly remember where my help comes from. Yesterday I mentioned sleepless nights. I've moved on to nervous eating during the day. I'm not sure what the next step in the escalation is but I've got to manage to take care of this one. I had a few quiet moments yesterday between one thing and the next where I sat and desperately prayed. I don't know how God keeps from getting fed up. This happens over and over with me. I sort of hope He rolls his eyes just like I would in the same spot. Praying for clear direction and security. Over and over. Security seems iffy based on what I'm re-reading about getting out of the boat so I've sort of pinned my hopes on the "clear direction" part of the equation.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I'm a thinker. I spend too much time in my head. Thinking. And last night was one of those nights where the thinking started and just wouldn't stop. To try to shut it all down, all the worries about whether or not I'm doing the right thing or making the right decision or headed for failure or...or..., I picked up John Ortberg's book If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get OUt of the Boat. The man likes long titles. It's a look at the story where Peter walks on water. For a minute. Until he sees the wind.

I'm not sure it quieted my mind but I had something new to think about. As long as Jesus commands me, I'm going to get out of the boat. The next question: How can I be sure of the command?

Dark alleys

The next time you find yourself alone in a dark alley facing the
undeniables of life, don't cover them with a blanket, or ignore
them with a nervous grin. Don't turn up the TV and pretend they
aren't there. Instead, stand still, whisper his name, and
listen. He is nearer than you think.

-- Max Lucado

I had this conversation with a single friend over dinner where she mentioned going out at night to investigate a loud noise. This is against my policy. I don't do that. I stay very quiet inside, with my ears peeled for the slightest noise, and pretend I am not there. The ostrich defense...I stick my head in the sand until it goes away. This has worked effectively for me for years.

I like this quote my Max Lucado because the truth is that this approach doesn't really work. Most of the real concerns of life just don't disappear. Tv helps cover them up and I can pretend all day long that I don't see them, but that's not what God's called me to do. How often do I just stand still, whisper his name, and listen? Not often enough.

Faith and trust

Faith is unutterable trust in God, trust which never dreams that
He will not stand by us.

-- Oswald Chambers

I got this quote in email yesterday and I've been thinking about it. I've known for some time that my problem is trust...in lots of areas. I've had the kind of faith that never dreamed that God would not deliver. But I've also had the disappointing discovery that that's not a promise like I want it to be...God will always deliver exactly what I want. So for a while I've struggled to understand the "stand by" part of this quote. I was bothered yesterday by the idea that my faith is weak because I do wonder whether God is standing by. Today, I'm reminded that God has promised never to leave me or forsake me. I know that. I don't doubt that for a minute. I do have my doubts that He's going to do what I think is best. And He never promised that. Thank goodness.