Alright?

I think I might be in a funk. I really am thankful for Christian music. On the way home, I listened to people talk about all that they're thankful for. Which didn't really serve to elevate my spirits much. And then I heard this song "I'm Not Alright" by Sanctus Real. And it didn't really manage to capture my mood but it does seem to get at part of where I am. I do understand the "broken inside" part.

And yes, MJ, there really is a GodTube. I haven't seen one dancing cat on it yet. YouTube still rocks.

Home Sweet Home

That was the title of the message and here's how it starts...
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

OK, so I made it back to church today after missing last week thanks to the Houston trip. I knew that Sunday School would be about generosity. There's a building plan going on after all. And then church. I really expected something a little patriotic for Veteran's Day. The songs would play, I'd cry...overall, a good time. But no. Instead it's a "family" message. Husbands love your wives. Wives respect your husbands. And children honor your parents.
Yawn.
I know several women who just get all offended over this, especially if it's a part of wedding vows. I've heard the lunch discussion. And I just totally shrug my shoulders. It literally has nothing to do with me. And I was surrounded on all sides so I couldn't even make my grocery list.

Pretty sure that's an improper attitude for the whole thing. I'm just not really sure what to do about it. Maybe I should search out another message for today.

All Things Are Possible

I think I'm having one of those days. I'm not sure what it will take to get some energy and some purpose. Thinking that way reminded me of this Nicole C. Mullen song. And every one of her songs is a reminder of the power of God. I think I need that today!

Time Out

Do you ever have those? Time outs? Or maybe it's just time away. I've been traveling for my job and so I'm disconnected...different music, no time to read or really think, different friends, different priorities. And now I'm back. And everything is exactly the same as I left it. Nothing stopped while I was gone, but it didn't change either. And now it's time to fill it back up, that cup that I'm supposed to have running over. Right now, it's more like running on empty.

Yesterday I worked a little from home and then got the wild idea to move furniture. I'm like that. When I have things I should do, I can think of a million distractions that normally hold zero attraction for me. Yard work becomes the most fascinating thing in the world in comparison to work deadlines. I hope I'm not alone. Anyway, as I did that, I came across paperwork of my mom's and it occurred to me how unfair it is that I can't remember the things I want to (pin numbers, passwords, phone numbers) but some things I'll never be able to forget, no matter how desperately I want to. Why do you think that is? Maybe it's a matter of importance. Well, I guess it's also a part of growth.

I'm going to start a new study next week on peace. I'm looking forward to it.

Phillipans 4:4-8
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Endurance

Hebrews 10:36 (New Living Translation)
36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

I get overwhelmed. I take on too much and then I get overwhelmed, stressed, unable to slow down for a minute to think or enjoy. That's part of who I am. When I finished my MBA, I promised the friend who gets buried under my stress now that my original sounding board is gone that I wasn't going to take on anything else new for 6 months. And I almost made it. And the things that I did add are good or good for me. But I get overwhelmed. Work gets crazy, I have to travel which adds to my stress levels, something happens in my family, a friend has an emergency and I need to take care of it all. I want to. And I do. I'm nothing if not dependable. I may not be happy, I might complain or fret the whole time or feel guilty about not doing enough, but I'm dependable. I really wonder what God thinks about this. I know I'm not alone. I really think it's girl thing. I'm not sure really what to do about it either, except to watch carefully that I don't stop doing what I know is right to make things easier. What a challenge.

More love

1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Why do I say things I shouldn't say? It's not that I don't mean them. I do. I really, really do mean them. I just shouldn't say them. If you're like me, there are people in your life that can send you from fairly happy to both incredulous and supremely frustrated in the span of seconds (from 0 to "Oh no she didn'" with a snap in no time). There are times when I feel like I'd rather bang my head on the wall than continue to talk to certain people because it would hurt less. Been there? I think it's OK to feel that way. Then we just have to make the right choice from there. I'm called to love people. That's how the world will know that I'm a Christian. I'm not called to like people. But I am called to love them...patiently, kindly, un-rudely, un-easily angered.

Thankfully, my God is the God of second chances. It seems that the people that you truly like are easy to lose...they get new jobs, new homes, new opportunities, maybe they even die entirely too soon. And you miss them terribly. The people you don't like...stay with you forever. That just means more opportunity to get the love part right. Right?

So finally I'm paying my way

I listen to K-LOVE almost all the time I'm in my car. Locally it's 90.1 FM or 96.9 FM but it's a national Christian station, listener supported so there are no commercials. This is why I never know what's happening in traffic, but that's just a random thought. Anyway, they have pledge drives twice a year. And they're having one now. And for some reason, this time it worked on me. I pledged. When I think about how much time I spend with K-LOVE, I have to. That music is too important to my life. I'll never be able to sing well enough for others to hear me but I really enjoy singing in the privacy of my car. Sometimes I'm a total mess when I get where I'm going because my heart is broken, but more often, my head is on straight because of what I hear on that station.

I'm not sure why it worked this time. I think it may be the influence of the study on "generosity" we're doing in church. Weird. Studying something causes me to act.

Oh, and I think I've managed to actually remember-ize (yes, I know that's not a word) 2 verses. I'm sort of sensing a pattern.

Psalm 71:14-But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
1 Peter 5:7-Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.