Persistence

Matthew 7
7Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.
8For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened.
9Or what man is there of you, if his son asks him for a loaf of bread, will hand him a stone?
10Or if he asks for a fish, will hand him a serpent?
11If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good and [h]advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father Who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give good and [i]advantageous things to those who keep on asking Him!

So instead of doing what I felt like I had to do on Wednesday, I put all that aside and pulled out my Bible. I've never done an unguided study. Usually I rely on published writers to help guide me through a study. I like books. I especially like to write IN books so it works for me. In my confusion, I just decided to start someplace, anyplace.

I pulled out my Comparative Study Bible (4 versions for the price of one...really big one) that has King James, Amplified, New Amercian Standard, and my fave New International versions. And I had a concordance. Remember the verse from Wednesday? I think that it's interesting that the first revelation came to me at the beginning of the next chapter. The first verse I looked up was in Matthew 7. I'm familiar with the Ask, Seek, and Knock version. The "Keep ON" part was lost on me. Until I read it on Wednesday. I'm sure I'm all alone in the world, but I think I've always understood that as "Ask". To me, that's one time. Maybe it's a sign of an easy life that I think one request is all that's needed. And some things just aren't that easy, right? Ask, but it's really keep on asking, knocking, until you get the answer. Like the man who goes to his friend late at night to ask for bread. The first answer is "No, I'm already in bed." But if he keeps asking, the man gives the friend what he wants. Persistence pays off. And of course, my natural bent is to make the leap...if I keep asking, eventually God will be annoyed enough that I'll get what I want. Works with Mom, right? Well, not MY mom, but I think it must work somewhere.

I don't think we can leap that far, but now that the light bulb's gone off, I do understand why asking once is not the idea. Now I bump up against the problem that God already knows what I need...why do I have to ask? I'll tackle that one next. Maybe.

Stepping out...and then back?

I am confused. I don't really mind admitting it because it happens pretty often, but I'm just not sure what to think. Does this ever happen to you? I feel like I've made a calm, rational decision accompanied by prayer and an earnest desire to be in God's will. So why am I not successful? Or happy? Or even sure that this place is on God's map for my life? In this place in my life, I have no time for anything more than work. It's temporary, but I'm feeling that I might be on the wrong track. If it were the right track, would I feel like God is saying:

I want you to build strong relationships with Christian friends. You need to be in Bible study.

I want you to influence your friends and family. You need to be teaching a Bible study. And controlling your temper. And putting in the time.

I want you to make an impact here at home. You need to be involved in a ministry. Remember the ESL classes? You could do that.

I want you to make an impact on the world. You know that mission trip? Yes. Go.

I want you to use the gifts I've given you: intelligence, humor, and a love of writing, reading, and study. For me.

And right now, I feel like not even one of these things can be accomplished along with my current ambition. So how do I know when to make the change? Could the total peace that I felt making the first decision to get here have been wrong? Maybe it was confidence in my own ability to be in control. Confidence is unusual for me! Maybe that's why I mistook it for something else. Or can the pulls that I feel to do more be combined with my life as it is? I'm confused. And this verse comes to mind "Seek ye first the kingdom of God...":

Matthew 6 (from the Message translation)
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

God, please make my path clear.

New life

Romans 6
4We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
5If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
8Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.

Easter is one of those church days thats bound to see me in tears. Yesterday I was a little restrained because I was in such close proximity to a male type and didn't want to have the runny nose that ususally accompanies my emotion. Then I was with my family, another sure way to bring the tears. Being surrounded by my family just makes me miss the ones who are missing even more. For some reason, I seem to be in a little more control this time around.

I hope that this comes from the fact that God and I are spending a little more time together every day, so that my heart doesn't wrench at each new encounter. I've started a study on prayer because I really want to understand better so that I can know God better. I do know without a doubt that Easter is a reason for celebration, the one day that makes every other day livable, the reason that we can live with hope, without fear.

I hope that you had a reason to celebrate yesterday too.

The video is to a song by Nicole C. Mullen, "I Know My Redeemer Lives."

World Poetry Day

Thanks, Deb, for the reminder.
I like this poem by Hopkins.

Pied Beauty
GLORY be to God for dappled things—
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;
Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough; 5
And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original, spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change: 10
Praise him.

Who do you say he is?

John 3:16-17 (New International Version)
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

We talked about this in church yesterday, that everyone knows by heart the first part. You know it's hit the big time when signs at sporting events advertise it, right? But how many memorize the second part, not to condemn but to save. It's hard to imagine that someone so just and righteous wouldn't condemn someone like me. Really. Even for me, it's hard to believe sometimes. But there it is, in black and white for the entire world to see. Yesterday was Palm Sunday and I had some inappropriate humor (that happens when you try to laugh whenever possible, you rename serious stories about the life of Jesus. For some reason, Jesus: The Musical sounded better than The Kingdom to me.) It's easy to remember the celebration, harder to understand how that could happen days before the crucifixion. Honestly, if God can love me that much, why is it difficult to understand that he can surely forgive my sins now? God as judge is such a scary picture. It's scary because I know what I deserve. w
Who do you say he is? This verse says it all: power to condemn but grace and mercy to save...those who choose him.

What if you can't get help?

I don't like to ask for help. Just about anyone who knows me can tell you this is true. I don't like to admit that I need help, I never want help, I want to do it on my own, I want to be independent. Most of the time, I'm faking. I usually need help, even if it's just to remember that whatever the situation is will change. I recently had a different situation...I know I need help, I admit I need help, I ask for help, and I get a pat on the head. No help. The moral to that story is that people will let you down. They don't slow down long enough to really understand the situation and they've got their own stuff. Thank goodness that's rare. I know people, friends, who would do whatever they could to help me with anything. Any time. No matter how I managed to end up in that spot. Those friends are treasures and I know it. I hope someday that I can be that same kind of friend. And then there's the rest of my world...made up of the typical kinds of people, many of whom I'd avoid if I could. You know what I mean? Inconsistent, self-absorbed, uncaring...people like me.

I started thinking about this because I got to work today and I was vividly reminded of that episode. It's about to come around again and I'm a little frustrated just thinking about it. I'm so thankful that Jesus is one of those dependable friends, the ones who help when I ask for help. I may not like the help, but he's not going to blame me either for failing. Of course, he probably wishes I was litte more consistent and caring. I need to work on that.

I Get by with a Little Help

Ecclesiastes 4 (Don't ever think that the stuff you have to do to "pledge" a "women's social club" is wasted. I had to memorize part of this for the super, duper, top secret ceremony. Don't tell anyone, 'k?)

8 There was a man all alone;
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
"For whom am I toiling," he asked,
"and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?"
This too is meaningless—
a miserable business!

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

This goes back to my idea about how Jesus handled life. Everyone needs a friend. And Jesus was lucky like I am lucky to work with friends. Work is less like work when you can spend time with people you like. I don't really know how much Jesus liked all the disciples, but really, they spent alot of time together. There must have been a bond, an appreciation. One may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, and a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. I think this may only work with men because every time I spent time with 2 female friends, fights were easy to find. That doesn't really matter. It's good advice.

One of the sessions I went to this weekend was about living in community with other Christians. I went because I struggle with that interdependence idea. I want to be IN-DE-PEN-DENT or die trying. I think this last verse sums it all up much better than that hour-long speaker did. There's strength in numbers, especially when those numbers support each other. And this world can be a battle where defense is critical. Jesus had a defense. Do you? I do. And I'm thankful. That's not true every day because sometimes that togetherness can get a little too "in my business" instead. But when life falls apart, I'm so thankful for my support, especially my 2 closest friends who make up my cord. I thank God for them.

WWJD...my unscientific guess

Life is hectic. And really, I don't have anyone to blame but me for that because I've made the decisions that brought me here to this place (a place I'm very familiar with because I visit it over and over. Really). Since I almost busied myself out of the singles conference, I've been thinking about that. As Christians, Jesus is our model. And he seems like he might have one or two (hundred) hectic days. Little things like running thieves out of the temple, feeding 5,000 with a few loaves and fish, healing the sick, raising the dead, calming storms, and being followed by crowds (and Peter) must have made for hectic days. Well, that and knowing how his own story was going to turn out must have made it difficult to relax even on the good days. How in the world did he do it?

The crowds alone would have made me crazy. And it's a short step from crazy to angry irritation for me. The disciples would have had to watch me every minute. Of course, the thing about models is that they're perfect, right? I'm flawed. I know, hard to believe.
Here's my unscientific list of what Jesus did to cope. I think I'm still working on it but I'll try to flesh it out as we go.
1. He didn't try to do it all alone. Friends are good.You need help and someone to depend on.
2. Close friends are even better. Peter, James, and John knew Jesus better than anyone else.
3. Quiet time is required.
4. Understanding your purpose can make it all worthwhile.
5. First things first, second things never. (Mary and Martha)
6. Prioritize. (Love God)