It's Not About Cheryl

GPS

2009-09-18T07:05:00.004-06:00

First let me say...I've never been to New Delhi. And this post would be more exciting if it took place in New Delhi instead of Fort Smith, Arkansas. Lately, I've been neatly contained within the state borders, though, so I'm getting my GPS directions on Scenic Hwy 7 instead of the Haipur Bypass. It's OK, I may make it to New Delhi someday and I'd like to know that the Google maps iPhone application works there too. For now, I just needed a photo.

All that to say this, when you get directions here, you get step by step turns. And if you're traveling in Fort Smith, you can watch the little dot that represents your car moving down the road. And if you miss a turn, you can watch your dot move back to the right place. I know this from experience.

I thought about this last night as I read the first day of the study Experiencing God. The illustration there is a map versus someone in the car giving you directions as you need them. God doesn't give us maps. He wants to be with us every step of the way giving us the right direction as we need it. Any sooner and we'd forget or get confused or turn too soon. Any later and the going just gets more and more difficult and confusing. And the only way we can get that direction is to have him with us, mile by mile. Before this handy dandy upgrade to iPhone, when I traveled, I mapped out complete routes using Mapquest. I wanted turn-by-turn directions for each stop on the path. I got them. But I didn't get anything else. No flexibility, no unexpected diversions, no chance to add in the nearest Sonic for a Route 44 at the last minute. How much easier the science, satellites and alien technology make it to get directions!

I heard a friend speak yesterday about needing to get over needing to know the plan. Amen, sister. I'm there. I need to get to the same spot...where more than anything else, I want everything God has to give me and I'm trusting, patient, confident enough to wait for the next turn instead of demanding, despairing, doubting when I don't have the entire journey mapped out for me.

Psalm 139

^1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!

Oh, man, this? Again? What is it with me?

2009-08-11T17:45:00.003-06:00

Psalm 139 (New International Version)
For the director of music. Of
David. A psalm.
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts
from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar
with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it
completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon
me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to
attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from
your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the
dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will
guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Sometimes being me just wears me out, you know? Yesterday at lunch, I was working on my soon-to-be prize-winning entry essay on being a grown up. And nothing less than earth-shatteringly poignant with a hint of hilarity is going to do. I can see it all in my head. And as I wrote it, I cried. That happens to me a lot, the writing/crying combo. Any "writers" out there? Is that normal? It probably doesn't matter whether it is or not. Anyway, in this essay I'm covering a lot of ground: from making the phone calls in the hospital after my father died to preparing the turkey, my first poultry project ever, for the Christmas after my mother died. And it's really funny how I start out with no idea where I'm headed (other than the vague idea that somebody might find my turkey trauma amusing), I splatter words all over the paper, and then that idea starts to come to me, the idea that really needs to be the focus. I went from thinking I'm writing about the moment when it became clear that I was absolutely all 100% totally on my own in this world (except for the weird, unappetizing, pink-y gross turkey that still needed some of its insides to come out. And the houseful of relatives headed my way to enjoy said turkey. And the friends who'd cook the stupid turkey for me. That's not the point, OK? In my world, moms have the answers to life's most troubling questions: how long to cook the turky, how long to boil an egg, what I should wear to that party and if I have to go, how I should cut my hair...important stuff like that and it's impossible to fill that spot, at least for me. Dad covered every bit of trivia, Mom got the rest of it) to realizing how, thanks to my parents and what they gave me, I might be on my own now but I have everything I need to make it and so I'm going to be OK, no matter how many raw, nude turkeys there are waiting for me. It's a powerful thing to know and as I write, I feel all uplifted and such.

Until I realize that this is the very same lesson I learn over and over and over about God, His love for me, how He teaches me and I don't even know it and how dedicated He is to me even though I remain as easily distracted as ever. And then I just want to bang my head on my desk. Clearly, it is not a good idea to risk any more brain cells.

I want to see Him, touch Him, pick up the phone and call Him, but He's there, I know what I need to know, and now I just have to carry on. It, like preparing turkeys for Christmas dinner, just really is not all that difficult. Sheesh. But you knew that already, right?

Thank you, God, for giving me as many chances as it takes to get it. And for giving me the parents that you did, parents who gave me what I need to make it and to laugh along the way.

Good advice

2009-07-13T06:29:00.003-06:00

Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts.

-- F. F. Bosworth

This is one of those quote-of-the-day emails that just sometimes seem to hit it right on the head and say exactly what I need to hear. Of course, they pile up in my inbox so I have several to choose from!

Pray without ceasing

2009-07-08T10:59:00.002-06:00

1 Thessalonians 5:17. That's what it says. Pray without ceasing. It's sandwiched between other good ideas like being cheerful and thanking God no matter what the situation is. I mean, it's good advice, right? Seems kinda hard to accomplish, but it's solid direction.

Have you ever been in those places where you actually pursue prayer without ceasing? Usually, it's in the extremes...a sort-of last ditch, got-nothing-else-to-cling-to effort made in desperation. Maybe that's just me, but that's when it's easiest to cling to God and His promises.

I don't like that about me. It's like being the friend who doesn't have time for you until she needs something from you. And I don't want to be her to anyone. I had one of these episodes lately where I felt like I had messed things up so badly that only divine intervention could fix things. And I was vacuuming and washing dishes...for some reason, those are activities that make it easier to pray without ceasing. I can't say why. No one else can either because I imagine I'm alone in that quirk, but you get the idea. Of course, I only vacuum on a quarterly basis. And as I've completed it for this quarter, it may be 3 months before the opportunity rolls around again.

So, my head's been turned away...until I mess up in a fairly exceptional manner...and then I'm back in the game. It's funny how that works. Thank goodness I'm not all that unusual and God gives second (ha!) chances.

Hey, it's me.

2009-06-03T19:14:00.001-06:00

Click here to read John 9 and 10.

Does anybody else begin conversations this way? I know some people who make a formal introduction for every phone call, but I call more who begin the conversation this way.

I really like John 10. Ever since I pondered it in a Bible study (Experiencing God, I believe), it's meant a lot to me:

27My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28I give them
eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my
hand. 29My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can
snatch them out of my Father's hand.

My father is gone now, but I used to have this almost instant reaction to hearing his voice on the phone. I remember getting a phone call from him while I was at work and hearing his voice, I suddenly felt very homesick, and on the verge of tears. Or maybe over it, but you can't prove it.

And it's not like we were separated by much distance. I've never lived more than 30 minutes away. And growing up, I had a list of grievances against him that it took growing up to just get over. But no matter where we were or what the history was like, that voice to me meant strength and security. I am sure my dad was the smartest dad in the world. Always. And that's hard to come by just any day.

I knew I could count on my dad. He could (and would) tell me the right way to just about anything I needed to know. Unless I asked for his opinion directly on something and then more often than not, his nonanswer would just be so frustrating. But sometimes you need help and sometimes you need to figure things out on your own and now I guess that's just part of growing up. I do know that it's annoying, particularly when you don't agree on when you need the help!

I have this memory of his voice on the phone sort of wrapped up with the idea of Jesus and the Father. We should be able to recognize the voice calling us even when it only says "Hey, it's me." And that voice should make us feel secure because nothing can remove us from the Father's hand. And sometimes there are answers and sometimes there aren't and that's just a part of growing up, but that voice is always one to depend on.

And here I am on the verge of tears remembering a phone call. I don't remember the subject but I remember the voice. I remember where I was sitting and I remember the feeling. I think I'd know that voice today, nearly 9 years since I've heard it. I'm not sure what that says, but I'd like to be able to recognize the Father's voice that well someday.

Sticks and stones

2009-05-24T17:31:00.002-06:00

Click here to read John 7 and 8.

In these chapters, the crowds are pretty riled. Jesus is avoiding Judea because people want to kill him until it's time for the Feast of the Tabernacles, a joyous time. He travels in secret to the city and faces the crowd. In Chapter 7, you can see how different parts of the crowd struggle to deal with Jesus and his message. And at the end of the chapter, the men sent to arrest Jesus by the Pharisees return without him because "No man ever spoke the way this man does." And chapter 8 begins with the story of the adulterous woman, and the question I always puzzle over: what was Jesus writing in the dirt? I don't think it matters much, but inquiring minds want to know. Anyway, Jesus continues the conversation with the crowds until he reached that point. Have you ever been there? You earnestly desire to explain what appears to be the unexplainable. They won't step one step closer but you've reached the end of your argument...the gap remains.

I've been there. And there are several issues that can end at a gap that is impossible to cross.
The Pharisees want to know who Christ is, but they don't want to believe his claims without more proof: more than his deeds, more than prophets and witnesses, more than his teaching, more than his knowledge, more than his promise, more than his demonstrated character...more.

And Christ...what else can he say or do? Nothing. Only the children of His Father will understand. His accusers, children of Satan, will never cross that gap. And when Jesus refused to change his story in the face of their attack, they called him a Samaritan and demon-possessed. Have you ever been there? Ensnared in an argument you can't escape from? These men resorted to names and stones when they reached the limit. And the limit: Jesus' claim to be God. I Am Who I Am.

This argument reminds me of the sheep who know the shepherd's voice. They aren't fooled, tricked away from him because they know him. And if these men were truly sons of Abraham, they would recognize the Messiah. Abraham was a friend of God. His children would recognize Jesus. These men know about Abraham, but they aren't his true children. We may know about God or Jesus, and not be His true children.

John 8
I Am Who I Am
48The Jews then said, "That clinches it. We were right all along when we called you a Samaritan and said you were crazy—demon-possessed!"
49-51Jesus said, "I'm not crazy. I simply honor my Father, while you dishonor me. I am not trying to get anything for myself. God intends something gloriously grand here and is making the decisions that will bring it about. I say this with absolute confidence. If you practice what I'm telling you, you'll never have to look death in the face."

52-53At this point the Jews said, "Now we know you're crazy. Abraham died. The prophets died. And you show up saying, 'If you practice what I'm telling you, you'll never have to face death, not even a taste.' Are you greater than Abraham, who died? And the prophets died! Who do you think you are!"

54-56Jesus said, "If I turned the spotlight on myself, it wouldn't amount to anything. But my Father, the same One you say is your Father, put me here at this time and place of splendor. You haven't recognized him in this. But I have. If I, in false modesty, said I didn't know what was going on, I would be as much of a liar as you are. But I do know, and I am doing what he says. Abraham—your 'father'—with jubilant faith looked down the corridors of history and saw my day coming. He saw it and cheered."

57The Jews said, "You're not even fifty years old—and Abraham saw you?"

58"Believe me," said Jesus, "I am who I am long before Abraham was anything."

59That did it—pushed them over the edge. They picked up rocks to throw at him. But Jesus slipped away, getting out of the Temple.

The Big Time

2009-05-20T17:37:00.002-06:00

So you know how you plug along on projects, just being faithful, and sometimes you don't see results? It happens. And then sometimes, you're so surprised at what the hard work of a small group of women can turn up. Actually, God did the heavy lifting. I'm sure of that.

But...it was still some kinda cool to watch this video of Staci Wallace being interviewed on KTHV about the event we're having next week (please come. Tickets are $20 and every bit of what we raise goes to support Marketplace Connection and we've all enjoyed some really great things thanks to this ministry. We want to do more. Please come. I have tickets!!)

And I'm such a small part of this effort that I'm usually just swept along, but when the website flashes on that screen...I built it. Sure, someone with any kind of knowledge could take it and make it hot and someday I hope they will come along and make it into something amazing...but for now, I built it. And that feels good. At first, I was as creeped out as the first time someone far away recognized me from the blog because I realized at that point...someone else is actually reading what you write. Oh, man, that can't be good!

Father, thank you for building this group of women, each with amazing skills and a heart for service...and me. You are producing things in my life through this group that I would never have expected. Thank you for your plans, for already being in the event next week, and in whatever you have in store for us beyond that. Help us find the women you have in place and reach our community for you.

Make like a tree and leave

2009-05-20T05:19:00.000-06:00

Click here to read John 6.

This is the chapter where Jesus feeds the 5,000 men (up to an estimated 20,000 when the "rest of the story" is added in). This is the chapter where this crowd is following Jesus to hear his teachings, he feeds them, sends the Twelve (who become The Twelve here) out in a boat to escape the crowds, where he calms the storm, walks on the water, and teached the crowd about the Bread of Life that comes from heaven.

And the crowd goes "Huh?" And they get angry. They don't understand so they begin to grumble.

On hearing it, many of his disciples said, "This is a hard teaching. Who
can accept it?" Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus
said to them, "Does this offend you? What if you see the Son of Man ascend to
where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The
words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.Yet there are some of
you who do not believe." For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them
did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, "This is why I told
you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled
him."

From this time many of his
disciples turned back and no longer followed
him.

"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the
Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

The man just fed a crowd of thousands through amazing circumstances. And they had been following him to hear his teachings. And just like that, it got a little hard, and they were so outta there. Except for the Twelve, all but one who thought they would die for Jesus. Peter said it best. "Where else can we go? You are the real deal. We believe what you say." Again, I'm reminded of how much I like Peter. He was such a major mess-up sometimes, but when it comes right down to it, he got it right. Even when it isn't easy, even when you don't understand, even when it's not what you want to hear...where else can we go? Lord, you have the words of eternal life.

When good things happen to so-so people

2009-05-18T19:46:00.002-06:00

Click here to read John 5.

This is one of those times when I read something that I'm sure I've read many times before and just don't ever remember thinking about.

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now
there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called
Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number
of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was
there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there
and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him,
"Do you want to get well?"

"Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me." Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

So there was a pool and when the waters were stirred (perhaps by an angel...different translation), people were healed, but this man could never make it first into the water. Along comes Jesus. He asks a simple question: Do you want to get well?

The answer seems simple...yes. Maybe then you tack on " and if you could help me into the water, I'll get right on that" or maybe even a "what's it to you, stranger?" This man has no idea who Jesus is. And I think it says a lot about him that his answer is an excuse. "Well, I would but other people take my place so I can't be." He's been here a long time. He's run out of plans to get into the water first. He's out of creative ideas. He has excuses. And the most important thing he's missing...faith.

In most of the miracles I remember, people are healed after they show evidence of faith. They touch a hem or a father pleads for a son or a sister for her brother or men lower a friend through the roof...these are extreme episodes of the kind of faith that leads to healing.

This man, he was in the right place at the right time, gave an unsatisfactory (to me) answer, and he was healed. Why? One reason I can think of is to show that Jesus' power is His own. It has nothing to do with my faith. This man did not even know who Jesus was until Jesus tracked him down again, and then he didn't hesitate to inform on Jesus.

Then there's the idea of divine timing. When I read this, for some reason, I was reading it like a story. And in my head, I'm thinking, "No, not him. Come on, Jesus, he's just going to get you into trouble. And he doesn't deserve your help because he doesn't even know who you are. If you skip him, then maybe they won't persecute you." I always want a happy ending, even when I know how the story turns out.

And then there's that whole "deserve your help" part of the equation. I can see myself in that man by the pool. And not just before, when Jesus called me to Him, but today, when I pray for things to change in my life, and Jesus says, "Sure, no problem. Here's all you gotta do...pick up your mat and walk." And I launch into my list of reasons why it isn't fair that I have to carry my own mat or someone owes me a better mat or why I think it would just be better for me to drive or any list of reasons why I know better, why Jesus' direction isn't going to work for me. Unlike the man, I stay paralyzed, faith and all.

It's a good story. But it hits a little close to home when I actually pay attention.

Balancing Act...one night only!

2009-05-18T19:36:00.005-06:00

Next Marketplace Connection event:

Staci Wallace's "Balancing Act: Finding Success at Work and Home."

May 28, Grace Church, 7:00 p.m., $20

Staci Wallace is one of today's leading communicators and voices, motivating individuals around the nation to move from success to significance. As an author, speaker and trainer, Staci has a unique ability to coach individuals to a life of balanced success in the areas of finances, fitness, faith and family. By empowering their lives and helping them find life balance, Staci is then able to move them beyond personal success to global significance.

To find out more, visit http://www.staciwallace.com/ or http://www.marketplaceconnectionarkansas.com/

Pick up your tickets now! Come on. I'll be there. And bring a co-worker...that's what we're here for!

More about Marketplace Connection:

Marketplace Connection is a nondenominational Christian ministry formed to serve and connect women in the workplace. To do so, the ministry is supported by area churches and businesses committed to encouraging Christian growth and ministry in the workplace, a mission field for each working woman.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24

Desperate faith

2009-05-10T13:34:00.003-06:00

Image from www.bibleplaces.com.

This weekend I was going through notes in my Bible, looking for inspiration for whatever it is that I want to study next. I ran across my notes from John, that I have never posted here. I do that. I get these great ideas and then...they just slip away. So, I'm going back to those notes while I search around for something new.

Click here to read John 4.

This is the chapter where we meet the Samaritan woman at the well. And if I had posted this in a timely fashion, we would have been able to contrast her with Nicodemus. I didn't, so in a nutshell...Nicodemus was a religious man, well-educated. He wanted to do the right thing, and he knew that he was missing something so he sought Jesus and they had the "born again" conversation and Nicodemus struggled with the concept. In this chapter, Jesus travels through Samaria and stops to rest. The Samaritan woman, nameless in all this, meets him at the well.

And in this meeting, Jesus shows us all how to speak to people. He ignored the "rules" like Jews don't speak to Samaritans, a man like Jesus would never speak to a Samaritan woman, and this particular woman...there were a lot of people who wouldn't speak to her or want to spend any time near her at the well. Jesus talked to her, forced her to look at her own life, and then told her that the coming Messiah that they were all looking for...He had arrived. And this woman clearly wanted more.

From the Message translation:
28-30The woman took the hint and left. In her confusion she left her water pot. Back in the village she told the people, "Come see a man who knew all about the things I did, who knows me inside and out. Do you think this could be the Messiah?" And they went out to see for themselves.

39-42Many of the Samaritans from that village committed themselves to him because of the woman's witness: "He knew all about the things I did. He knows me inside and out!" They asked him to stay on, so Jesus stayed two days. A lot more people entrusted their lives to him when they heard what he had to say. They said to the woman, "We're no longer taking this on your say-so. We've heard it for ourselves and know it for sure. He's the Savior of the world!"

She spread the word and because of this, the town believed. One unlikely woman to make an impact. Maybe she was the thirstiest, the one who needed the Messiah the most desperately. Maybe her history made her seek the Messiah. I think it's interesting that Jesus didn't have to work very hard here. Even in his fatigue, he was ready to do the Father's will, to speak to the one who need Him.

To me, witnessing is daunting. Of course you have to say the right words to the right people at the right time. And Jesus did that, but it was so simple. He didn't perform any mighty dazzling acts, but spoke the truth that the followers of Christ cling to, the hope of an abundant life, even in the face of serious failure here. Only God can work the conversion. And this is true in our own witness. We say what we can and God does the rest.

And at the end of this story is one of the "signs" John includes to illustrate who Jesus is and His power.

46-48Now he was back in Cana of Galilee, the place where he made the water into wine. Meanwhile in Capernaum, there was a certain official from the king's court whose son was sick. When he heard that Jesus had come from Judea to Galilee, he went and asked that he come down and heal his son, who was on the brink of death. Jesus put him off: "Unless you people are dazzled by a miracle, you refuse to believe."

49But the court official wouldn't be put off. "Come down! It's life or death for my son."

50-51Jesus simply replied, "Go home. Your son lives." The man believed the bare word Jesus spoke and headed home. On his way back, his servants intercepted him and announced, "Your son lives!"

This man had another kind of desperate faith. He'd reached the end of his rope and feared that his son would die. He believed enough to travel to find Jesus to ask him for help. Jesus knew that faith couldn't rely on signs and wonders and said so to the people watching him, and the man refused to give up. In the Message, Jesus has five words: Go home. Your son lives.

I'm not sure what I would have done in this man's place. He believed. He trusted Jesus and he knew his son would heal. I'm not sure I'm there yet. I'd sometimes still like to have the signs and wonders, you know? But that's not what this is all about. Remember the theme of this book? Believing is seeing. To move from desperate faith to deliberate faith, I have to know who Jesus is. This man believed Jesus was who he said he was and that he would do what he said he would do. And so did the woman at the well. They led households and villages to believe and we don't know their names. Someday we will.

Fearless? Not so much

2009-05-07T18:33:00.003-06:00

I went to the Marketplace Connection lunch today and it was good. Really good. If you consider blinking back the emotion so you don't drip in your pizza good. And I sorta do. Sometimes you just need to be forced to think about things, you know? It turns out...apparently I live a more fear-y life than I should. I probably could have told you that before the lunch, but I don't really like to think about it too much because I know that as a Christian, I should have a fear-free life. And I've mostly conquered some biggies (the economy, threat of global nuclear melt down, impending swine flu doom...shrug. I can't do much about those.) but the little fears, the ones that have to do with my own view of me (what my next failure will be, never measuring up), trip me up every day. And I make a little progress and then...somehow...wind up further behind than before.
F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-O-N!

Thank God that God never gives up on me. He may be pretty frustrated too, but I can't blame Him. You'd be frustrated with me too if you heard all the same-old tired conversation that goes on in my head, mainly about my faults and failures and doubts. Sheesh. I think I'd rather see myself the way other people see me than be stuck with my view on the matter, and the opinion of the world is nothing compared to what God thinks.

Still, there's only one thing to be done. Start again. It happens this way. I try too much and get tired and take my eyes off what's important. Focus. I have to focus on God. He'll do the rest.

Galatians 3
2-4Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!

Lunch at Larry's time again!

2009-05-05T06:44:00.000-06:00

OK, so I'm having technical difficulties getting the beloved poster to load and I've reached the end of my patience rope with all things computer-related today.

Here are the details for the locals:

Next Marketplace Connection, "Being Fearless" with local t.v. personality Sheryl Lackey.

At Larry's on Hwy 10 at noon on Thursday, May 7. Buy your buffet, fill a plate, and join us in the par-tay room.

Come and join us if you're in the neighborhood! It's a no-pressure pizza lunch with some really nice ladies...and me! What could be better?

Tie a knot and hang on

2009-04-30T06:34:00.004-06:00

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

It's really difficult to feel secure in this world. Just when you think you've managed to come to terms with the possibility of total economic melt down, something else comes along. Now the news of this bankruptcy and that request for bail out has been replaced by photos of people in masks and maps showing increasing numbers of states affected by the swine flu. I had a spam email, from WebMD, my favorite source when I want to diagnose my symptoms myself, saying "Pandemic Imminent." Pandemic imminent? That makes me feel like I already have swine flu and I just don't know it yet...I better check my symptoms.

Most of this has little impact on me. I don't read the newspaper, I don't watch the local news, and I have no idea how to find CNN, Fox, or MSNBC on the television. I'm OK with that. I just don't think a constant barrage of experts and tickers to tell us all the possible means of destruction heading our way is good for us. That makes me nearly useless in any "current events" conversation. I'm OK with that too.

Even with those precautionary measures, it's difficult to escape the cloud of fear. To me, the threat of the soup kitchen line is bigger than the swine flu, so maybe while we're concentrating on one, the other will improve? Just looking for a silver lining. I'm sorta like that...maybe "naive" is the word, but some things are really easy for me to take on faith. Presidential press conferences reassure me, whether they be Democratic or Republican, that someone's on the job.

It's difficult to live worry-free in this world. And I have no idea how people do it. Most of my fears are not global in nature. They have more to do with cancer, bumps in the night, and where I left my debit card. And I know that God is with me in those moments (maybe not the debit card. I really should be in control of that one). God didn't send economic melt down or global pandemics but God is still in control.

I was going to post a video, either "Hold Fast" by MercyMe or "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. I couldn't find one that I loved, but I've already posted the Casting Crowns here.

God of this city

2009-04-17T06:45:00.004-06:00

For the story behind the song, watch this one.

To hear the acoustic version of the song, watch this one.

On the way in to work this morning, I was listening to KLOVE, like I always do in the effort to improve my attitude and tamp down my road rage (it doesn't usually work). And before she played this song, the dj asked, "Did God have KLOVE in mind when He sent this song to Blue Tree?" KLOVE is in Anchorage, Denver, San Antonio, Ft. Smith, and so many other cities. And God is there too. The most amazing thing about this song is the way it was written...God was working in a bar in Thailand, maybe the last place you'd expect but the first place in a list of a million where God is needed, His people are needed. It's easy to judge the people in those places. It's harder to love them.

I read recently about Christians wanting to distance themselves from the title "Christian" because it leaves such a bad taste in so many mouths, mainly because of how political lines are drawn. And I understand that. Changing the name means nothing. We've got to be out there working, showing our cities Christ. Being a Christian isn't about how we vote, it's about how we live every day. And we can say it loudly, over and over, but we've got to live it to make the change.

1 Peter 1:21-23

21Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

22Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

Where's my heart? Check my iPod

2009-04-16T05:27:00.002-06:00

Matthew 6
¹⁹"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I like music. I listen to a lot of music. And I don't discriminate. As long as it has words and I can sing along (in the privacy of my own car at 70 miles per hour), I am happy. And the most recent love of my life is my first iPod. I think you can know a person through musical choices.

For instance, from the top 25 most played, you can tell:
1. I was a child of the 80s. Fully half of the songs in my top 25 come from either U2 or...get ready, the Beastie Boys. To be fair, you can't beat a little Beastie Boys to walk to. Seriously. They are also good to check cross stitch charts by...just sayin'.

2. Music to get me moving is big...All the Single Ladies and a little Will Smith round out the half that I call "music to move" by...there are more. And I'm sure they're just as shameful (Black Eyed Peas, Eminem, Luda...apparently I prefer to walk to some hip hop, urban beats), but they don't make it into the list. And music to get me moving in the right direction..."Only the World" by Mandisa, "I Will Not be Moved" by Nicole Nordeman, "Let's Go" by Mark Schultz (this one's dangerous 'cause it makes me want to pack my bags and go).

3. Love is big...love here and God's love. Contrast "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback with "Yours" by Stephen Curtis Chapman. You probably can't get much further apart than Nickelback and SCC but I am eclectic. The video is a new favorite by Francesca Battistelli, "Free to Be Me." I had to overcome my natural aversion to the beautiful people to love it, but I do.

4. And I spend a lot of time singing about someday, about heaven. MercyMe kills me. There's the best-known "I Can Only Imagine" but in my Top 25 is "Finally Home" that on the wrong day "hug my daddy's neck and tell him that I missed him, tell him all about the man that I became and hope that it pleased him" can just Tear. Me. Up. And I listen to it again and again. Chris Tomlin "I Will Rise" is my new favorite and Jeremy Camp, "There Will Be a Day."

And that's just the Top 25. Nothing country, although I have some. No Madonna or Prince or Counting Crows or Eagles or Jimmy Buffet or All American Rejects or Pink or...and they're all there. So what can you know about me?

I'm not ready to be fitted for my halo yet. I'm pretty sure the Prince tracks alone preclude that.

GenX is getting a little old and out of touch (OK, maybe just me). The Beastie Boys should not feature so prominently.

I spend a lot time thinking about God's love, what it means to me, and the promise of heaven. I didn't used to spend so much time anticipating heaven. Really, who looks forward to sitting on clouds and playing a harp all day? I don't even know the harp and I don't think it has a beat you can move to. Two things have changed that. My father died and I felt the separation from heaven keenly for the first time. And I read Randy Alcorn's "Heaven" and understood that the future holds more than harp playing.

I guess this is my transparency week, because it doesn't get any more personal than showing you what I've written and what plays on my iPod. Well, Ok, I could show you my amazing stack of dirty laundry and perhaps the disorder of my closets. But I'm not going to. That's probably over the line into TMI-land.

Miss Chance

2009-04-14T19:34:00.005-06:00

(Only the paint spill part of this story is true. It never happened to me, I'm not the character although parts of me are(?) and physically I'm pretty close but my feet are bigger, the person who spilled the paint is not the character even though I wanted to use her name and it would have worked better, I never even met the character, don't know any reporters, and I don't know this church, pastor, or town. And I have no idea where this story is going. I was lucky to make it to the word limit and it's probably dangerous for me to put this out there but I like to live on the edge. No, I don't. Don't tell me you read it. I mean it. Why am I doing this? Cringing even now but resigned...)

MISS CHANCE

Reflex Blue. It’s a beautiful color.

And, really, the irony is not lost to me now. The name on the label was “reflex blue.” And as I watched, frozen in place, reaction rate sadly slowed by sheer disbelief, the can slid from the stack in my arms, and tumbled, end over end, in a freeze-frame freefall to the beige linoleum floor, lid stubbornly clinging until the very last minute…the very last minute when the can made contact, crashing to the floor with enough force to make the lid let go with a muted, lippy “pop” and then it bounced. And as it bounced, reflex blue blew all over the place, covering my pants and my shirt and my shoes and my hands and my glasses and my hair. And the walls. Oh, yes, and let’s not forget the linoleum, currently covered by a puddle of bright purple-y blue-ish paint, aptly and ironically named reflex blue.

So that’s how the day started. Where do you go from there? What do you do when you’re covered in reflex blue? Wash, of course. What else can you do? In a lifetime filled with such singular events, the reflex blue episode would seem mostly unremarkable except that it was just the beginning.

I have a knack for these and other kinds of scrapes. I think of it as my super power. Mischance Mallory, able to topple tall buildings in a single bound, I am not rich or beautiful, not too clever or dull, and find myself firmly placed in the middle of the road most days, never too outstanding to attract attention. Except on days like this.

And this day began like so many others: totally mundane missions with small elements of “doing good” or “helping out” go horribly awry. I think my job as small town newspaper reporter and my penchant for attempting to do good have built up a karmic void of interest. And the universe wants to fill the void. I don’t honestly believe in karma or super powers, but I do have gift for attracting trouble. Days where I help a friend move and lose the dog in the process or I fill in for story time at the local library and an unexpected snow storm blows in a foot of snow (technically, I don’t think I can be blamed for that), they always end in trouble. Sometimes I expect these things to happen. These are events where my presence provides the missing ingredient for the recipe for disaster. Inviting me to cover the county fair rodeo leads to a bull escaping and rampaging through the town. Sending me to cover the biggest wedding the town’s seen in years means the bride won’t show because she’s trapped inside the limo by a rogue skunk. It’s my super power and it cannot be stopped. Believe me, I’ve tried.

The years I’d spent away at school hadn’t done much to improve my blending abilities and the things that were a challenge growing up, mainly an astonishing addiction to books and words, continue to challenge me today. What I mean is that I’ve been working at this reporting business for about eight years now, eight long years where I daily battle to work words like “penultimate” or “pandiculation” into an article. It’s my game. No one else plays, but it livens up my days. As I said, it’s a small town. I have to entertain myself.

So I’m actually more of a “not really a real reporter” than anything else. Some days I feel more like the mascot, but still I get the local interest stories, mainly who wins the Little League tournament and what’s for dinner over at the Baptist church on Wednesday. It’s a good job. Most days I like it. Until the karmic void or my unbelievable “wrong place, wrong time” luck kicks in and the Little League team is nearly destroyed by a freak tractor accident or I make the mistake of telling little Jimmie Sue Holland about the squirrel I had when I was about her age just before the dinner at the Baptist church. The squirrel’s name was Milkbone, and his favorite snack was the seed in Mama’s bird feeder. I loved to watch him climb and scamper. At 10, I had visions of training him and taking his act on the road. He did a number on the wood siding of my parents’ split-level before he mysteriously disappeared. I wanted a dog, but I loved that squirrel. And little Jimmy Sue took umbrage with the large pot of squirrel dumplins that were Miss Smith’s contribution to the annual wild game dinner. She dumped those dumplins right in the large gray industrial trash can with a militant cry, “This one’s for Milkbone!” I believe I was the only one that cheered. I expect I’ll be covering further exhibitions by Jimmie Sue in the future. Even at seven years old, she shows signs of being a true activist. Or maybe a criminal, I’m not sure yet. Miss Smith’s probably correct when she says “That child just ain’t right.”

But today was not meant to be one of those days. In the effort to improve my public relations with Miss Smith, who had faithfully served as the church pianist for nearly 60 years and probably had built up some significant pull with God, and the other fellowship hall folk, I volunteered to repaint the children’s area in a bright happy color to encourage Jimmie Sue to think happy thoughts, maybe a nice color like reflex blue. Instead, in my manner of attempting too much all at once, I allowed reflex blue to just fly all over the place. The only saving grace: there were no witnesses, and if I moved quickly enough, no one would ever need to know. Right?

The first matter of business was clearing myself of all evidence. I tracked my size 7 sneakers on into the kitchen of the fellowship hall, purple pointers indicating my escape route until I realized the problem and dropped my sneakers…and my pants at the door of the kitchen. Before I stripped myself of the reflex blue covering my top half, I managed to find some plastic tablecloths. Can you imagine the distress seeing me in my birthday suit would cause Jimmy Sue? Every jello salad in the place would probably have to be liberated as well.

So wrapped toga-style in plastic tablecloths with a dashing plastic cape to be sure all the pertinent wiggly parts, like my biceps, stayed covered, I took a bucket and water and towels and paper towels and newspapers and cleaning fluid and lighter fluid (because you just never know, do you?) back to the scene of the crime and did my best to eliminate all the evidence.

And I worked. I scrubbed. I mopped. I wiped. I made some good headway, even though my previously pristine plastic tablecloths absorbed an amazing amount of the paint. I was just about to call “good enough” to the clean-up efforts when I began to ponder how in the world I was going to make it home in purple-y blue speckled tablecloths. It was somewhat of a quandary, but I was still happy to have made it through my ordeal with no evidence remaining and no witnesses.

Although why I would worry about witnesses at this late date…well, there were only two reasons. I’d grown up in this town so most of my neighbors were blasé about my calamity. But I had almost always managed to cause an uproar with all my clothes on. There was one episode in kindergarten involving my swimsuit top, but that was the last of my bikini days and I’d since managed to only be involved in fully-clothed scandals. While the tablecloths did the job, they weren’t your “go to town” kind of outfit. And the second reason…well, his name is Joe and he’s the new pastor of the church, newly arrived from the “Big City,” a far-away place. And technically, this was not the first time I’d orbited around Pastor Joe. When we were at the same university, he was the Big Man On Campus, football quarterback with big plans. I haven’t gotten the story on what brought him here and as a preacher, but Pastor Joe was currently a Very Big Fish in our small pond. And the other fish were buzzing, if fish can do that.

As he’s been here only two months, I’ve so far managed to control myself and pretend to be normal. Not that I wouldn’t mind a little bit of his attention. In fact, any male attention not directed at me by emergency room doctors or angry policemen would be welcome. Unexpected, but welcome. Of course, nothing good could come of that. I can’t imagine any sainted pastor’s wife wearing plastic tablecloths to clean up paint slicks in the fellowship hall. And just because this particular lightning has already hit me once doesn’t mean it can’t happen again. I learned that lesson with the whole “losing the dog” scenario. At least no one asks me to help move anymore.

I decided the only way out was to rinse the paint off my clothes as well as I could and then slip-slide my way home to change. And so I was doing, mentally patting myself on the back. Thank goodness that cleaned up so quickly. What would have happened if Pastor Joe showed up to see me in my plastique couture?

I figured we both might have died from the shock.

I was celebrating as I put on my clammy shoes, draped in soggy shirt and jeans. As my back was to the door, I didn’t see destruction approaching.

Destruction, in the deep voice that I’d heard delivering news, events, and very interesting messages from the book of John so far, said, “Let me guess…you must be Mischance Mallory. What happened here? Freak indoor rainstorm? Or maybe freak indoor rainstorm that popped up while you saved us all from the invasion of the purple people eater?”

As I had never been introduced to Pastor Joe, I also guessed my reputation had preceded me. I had to work to get everyone to call me that. My original nom de guerre was just Bad Luck Mallory, and really, that just lacks all poetic flair. I started a campaign in high school to get that all changed to Mischance Mallory, but Pastor Joe probably didn’t know that. Clearly, he’d heard something about me. I figured that would be bad news.

And as I turned to meet Pastor Joe, I pondered what color his eyes might be called. Nothing as harsh as “reflex blue.” No, they were more like “breezy blue” or “baby boy blue” or maybe something a little tougher like “chambray blue” or something more accurate like “beautiful baby blue with a glimmer of periwinkle and a dash of spice.” I don’t know that he’d care for my color names either, but I had already done a thorough consideration on the matter. As long as I manage not to say them out loud, I think we’re going to be okay.

So, I know you’d never find yourself in a position like this, but say you did. What would you do? I guess some ladies might cry and maybe more would laugh. I have more experience. I did what I always do. I started to explain.

“Pastor Joe, it’s very nice to meet you. I was only trying to help when…”

In an ambulance?

2009-04-12T16:58:00.002-06:00

Today in our Easter message, the preacher used a story as an illustration. In a nutshell: a little boy who had cancer befriended Beth Ann, who also had cancer. She died. He went to the funeral. He told his mother that when he died he didn't want to go to the cemetery in a hearse. He wanted to go in an ambulance, sirens wailing and lights flashing, so that Beth Ann would know he was on his way.

I remember the story. And it was a good illustration because Easter gives us that great gift, victory over death. Death is scary, particularly when you stand on one side and someone you love is stepping through or is already on the other side. My aunt told me a story too. Her story was real, a family in church, the mother both very clearly very sick and very clearly loved by her husband and her kids. If this truly was their last Easter together here, that husband and those kids are going to have a hard time, but her hard time is coming to an end. And she has no reason to fear that end. What a gift is Easter!

And honestly, I don't think you can understand that gift until you are separated by death from someone you dearly love. I understand and Easter is bittersweet because of it.

1 Peter 1
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Marketplace Connection

2009-04-03T13:48:00.004-06:00

You know how you promise yourself that you're going to do better? Maybe that's just me. I had every intention of doing better, getting all my blogs done and all the things I need to do for all my extracurricular activities done with time to spare.

But I'm late. I haven't done better. In fact, I've done worse this week.

I have a looong list of excuses.
But I'm not going to share them.
And I needed a blog post so I'm using this, something I meant to do better earlier this week (so it may show up again), but this is my first ever attempt at building a website. I've been working with Marketplace Connection for almost a year and I've done some things I didn't know I could do. And it's just a website, following templates (which is more difficult than it sounds), and it took some time, but I feel pretty good about doing something I didn't know I could do. Yes, someone else could do better, but right now, I'm available and I worked at it even when I wanted to just say "Not me" and it's up and running. And that's a battle that I fight sometimes and it feels good to accomplish something new when you really have your doubts. You know? (Of course, it would feel even better for the right person to show up and take it over and improve it and pat me on the head and send me on my way. I'm just going to patiently wait for that day. OK, well, I'm going to wait anyway.)

And that reminded me of Ephesians where Paul says that God can do "immeasurably more" than we can imagine. That probably means that we can too. Here it is in the Message (Eph. 3:20)

^20-21God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

If you want to see all the bells and whistles (and who doesn't?), go to www.marketplaceconnectionarkansas.com. If you're web-design-gifted and would like to improve the MC site, let's talk. Seriously. I'll be posting more info here soon (and casting a net for volunteers to help) about our upcoming fund raiser. I think it's gonna be good.

Next week, I'm so totally going to do better. I mean it.

New things

2009-03-26T11:18:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I can find an image that just perfectly fits my mood. This is a Mary Engelbreit print that I've been holding in reserve for some time now. Today, I'm calling it out off the bench (I have no idea where the sports references come from. They just do sometimes. Maybe they lurk in my brain somewhere.)

So far it's been a Cheetos kinda day. They happen every now and then, usually when I'm ready for a new thing.

Isaiah 43:19 (New International Version)

¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

POV

2009-03-20T04:51:00.000-06:00

Types of Point of View
(Note: the picture has very little to do with the post. I just needed a picture. Posts need pictures. Right? And when I was searching for a match to "point of view", I found this one. And now I totally need one of these for Darcy.

Objective Point of View
The writer tells what happens without stating more than can be inferred from the story's action and dialogue. The narrator never discloses anything about what the characters think or feel, remaining a detached observer.

Third Person Point of View
Here the narrator does not participate in the action of the story as one of the characters. We learn about the characters through this outside voice.

First Person Point of View
In the first person point of view, the narrator does participate in the action of the story. When reading stories in the first person, we need to realize that what the narrator is recounting might not be the objective truth. We should question the trustworthiness of the accounting.

Omniscient and Limited Omniscient Points of View
A narrator who knows everything about all the characters is all knowing, or omniscient. A narrator whose knowledge is limited to one character, either major or minor, has a limited omniscient point of view.

I've been doing some reading and listening about writing, thanks to my crazy resolution to write that book this year. As the calendar pages flip, the chances of that actually happening are getting smaller and smaller. I think that's OK because I am making some progress: writing groups, entering a contest, thinking about taking workshops...baby steps. And I was reading about point of view last night.

It's funny how the definition works. First Person....might not be the objective truth. Have you ever run into that? It's usually illustrated to me by someone else who points out that my view on something is askew. Maybe it's the way I see myself. That happens to me quite often. Really, all the time my view of myself is wrong. And the way I view the world always comes through my filter, a filter built over a lifetime through an imperfect narration of events.

And then third person...what other people see when they look at you and your life. And that's just never accurate. It's never right because all that observation comes through another filter, built from life, and also because we hide what's inside. The pieces that are too painful, too embarrassing, too scary to show, we cover up.

And then the omniscient narrator...wouldn't it be something to read the book that God wrote about your life? The narrator who knows all, knows your motivations, your hurts, your desires. Maybe. Maybe not. I think I might be one of those who can't handle the truth, but seeing myself from that point of view would be something.

And then to think that such a narrator, the one actually writing and telling my story, might like me anyway, love me with my flaws enough to reach for me...that really would be something.

Psalm 139
A David Psalm
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!

One more song

2009-03-13T04:55:00.000-06:00

I can't put the video here, but you can click here to see the video, and it's, like, professional and everything as The Fray is on the radio and MTV and so this video is actually worth watching. I like The Fray and I've been listening to and pondering this song. So far, all I can come up with is "I understand. I've been there." It's not an encouraging song but it is so, so honest. So then I go and listen to Chris Tomlin's "I Will Rise" again because...that's just the way it is.

The lyrics:
I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

Why'd you have to wait, to find me, to find me?

This is what the lead singer says about the song:
"You Found Me is a tough song for me. Its about the disappointment, the heart ache, the let down that comes with life. Sometimes you're let down, sometimes you're the one who lets someone else down. It gets hard to know who you can trust, who you can count on. This song came out of a tough time, and I'm still right in the thick of it. There's some difficult circumstances my family and friends have been going through over the past year or so and can be overwhelming. It wears on me. It demands so much of my faith to keep believing, keep hoping in the unseen. Sometimes the tunnel has a light at the end, but usually they just look black as night. This song is about that feeling, and the hope that I still have, buried deep in my chest."

Going through the motions

2009-03-12T07:03:00.003-06:00

I guess I'm turning this into a music blog this week. This is the other song that I'm playing over and over and over. Matthew West's "The Motions." I think I mentioned to someone just yesterday how every day seems the same and there's a lot of comfort in that. But comfort isn't really the goal. I think that's why this song is staying with me. I don't want to waste my life going through the motions, safe in my routine but just a little disconnected. I think that may be part of the danger of my hermit lifestyle. I want something more, that passion that leads you to make a difference. But...that feels like one of those dangerous things to say or pray, so right now I'm just singing it over and over and thinking about it as I do.

Uh oh.

My latest "most played"

2009-03-11T12:28:00.002-06:00

Part of my compulsion issues force me to listen to songs that I really like over and over and over. I hope I'm not alone! For some reason, this song is really on my mind a lot lately. It's Chris Tomlin, "I Will Rise" and I managed to find a video (without any strange (to me anyway) paintings included). I hope you like it too! The other is Matthew West. I'll have a looksee to try to find a video for it too. I left my iPod at home today so I haven't gotten my fix yet.

52 Blessings Week 10: Other people's flowers

2009-03-08T20:29:00.002-06:00

I have a brown thumb. And I'm OK with it. Flowers given to me have been consigned to a slow, drought-y death because I will forget to water them. Thank God there are people in the world who do grow and nurture and share. And Garvan Woodland Gardens is a that place makes me happy.

Ecclesiastes 3:10-12 (NIV)
I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

March luncheon time

2009-03-03T12:32:00.000-06:00

If you're local, stop by one of the 2 locations next week to find out more about "Money Matters" with Lisa Richardson. Hwy 10 will be next Thursday at Larry's.

Defining Moments-ACW rough draft, the second

2009-03-01T18:00:00.003-06:00

Defining moment…it’s a phrase used to describe winning seasons and military victory and political decisions as well as a million other decisions, both big and small, that act as turning points in life. To me, these are the moments where one decision changes my path and where one decision demonstrates more about who I am and who I’ll become than years of education or self-study could ever provide.

I think that most of the time we view defining moments as places where we overcome great adversity and triumph over difficulties. Perhaps those are the moments that we remember best: come-from-behind wins over the league champions or battling and beating a deadly disease, reaching the literal or figurative top of the mountain after a challenging climb, meeting the person or place that could change a life. Each of these moments is filled with powerful emotions and elements of the heroic. A breast-cancer patient who defeats cancer must remember vividly the delivery of the good news, the positive prognosis, clearly. The athlete that strives to be the best, standing on a podium accepting a medal, has reached the pinnacle. But what about the first moment, the decision to follow through with a routine check up or to step up on the balance beam for the first time?

The truth about defining moments is that we often don’t know we’re in them. Defining moments are most clearly visible through the lens of hindsight or reflection. These kinds of defining moments surround us in the everyday. Maybe it’s just an after dinner discussion where I calmly prayed a prayer and declared myself a follower of Christ. Clearly, I had no idea where that choice would lead, but in that moment, I made the decision that put me on the path to this place in time. Because of that one, quiet, unassuming and momentous occasion, I’ve never been alone in a defining moment since. In the Message translation, Psalm 139:5 says, “I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too— your reassuring presence, coming and going.” The lesson that I’m continually learning is that, when it comes to the big moments of life, I can relax. The God who loves me and calls me His is already there.

More than once I’ve said that I could be happy with God’s plan for my life if I only knew where it was headed, if I could just be sure of what my future held. I think this desire to read the future is a symptom of youth. Aging teaches the benefits of not being able to see past today. If I had known the outcomes of some of the decisions that I’ve made before I made them, making the right choice would have been nearly impossible. Thankfully, although I do not know the future, I know the One who does. And He is with me in the moments where I worry, rationalize, plot and plan and in the moments where I choose.

Conversion stories don’t really come any more mundane than mine. Similarly, I had no idea the day that I succumbed to the pressure of a friend to join her workplace Bible study that I was facing a decision that someday I’d look back on and say, “Yes, that’s where this whole thing started.” God met me in that Bible study, the God that was already working on my heart, my angry heart. Another symptom of my youth was a conviction that life would be fair. And as I stepped into that Bible study, I was slowly recovering from the trauma caused by the realization that, indeed, life often seems shatteringly unfair. Even when you pray the prayer, firm in your trust and belief, sometimes the cure doesn’t come and dealing with the pain of loss is difficult and the bitterness of disillusionment only compounds that. Still, in those 40 days, I heard God speak clearly, even through my bitter complaint and the tears of a hurt child. Like stacked dominos that fall one right after the other, each day built on the last until I felt God’s call more clearly than I ever had before or since.

As a result, I did something that I’d feared my entire Christian life. I went on a short-term mission trip. As a citizen of the fast-food nation, my biggest concern was over the lack of French fries. And it’s really funny now to think about all my reservations: raising money, not speaking the language, having to eat unidentified objects. It was tough to make the decision to go and I threw up as many roadblocks as I could to try to derail God. And through it all, I learned. I learned about who God is, what He can do, and what He accomplishes through His people. And then I faced the really difficult decision, the one that required me to know what God had already been teaching me.

My mom, the person I loved best in the world, didn’t really want me to go to Peru, but she never said that. And while I was preparing to go, she was going through doctor visits and tests. And just before my trip, she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Her surgery to remove the grapefruit sized tumor in her lung was scheduled for a Wednesday, the day I’d be half a world away, out of touch.

I’m not a doctor. I’m not a surgeon, but I was convinced that something terrible would happen if I weren’t there to control the situation. In my comfortable world, there is always a right answer and success is just a matter of working hard enough. I got on the plane anyway and I went to Peru, a place I had no desire to go with people I didn’t know, called by a God I didn’t trust to take care of the person who meant more to me than the world.

On that Wednesday, my whole group made the trip to another town to find a public phone. Everyone made calls, but I knew that trip was for me. And I called. I called every number I could to try to find a family member with an update. And because I don’t control this world, I was unsuccessful. I went out to wait for everyone to finish and sat on a bench, next to a very small park, in the middle of a deserted town high in the Andes and just tried to keep it together. I sat there and tried to keep it together, too out of control to even pray for an answer or my mom or my own sanity.

And my God, knowing my needs even when I can’t express them, sent an answer. Angie, my friend on the trip, had spoken to her dad, a pastor at our church. One of the staff had been to the hospital and had gotten an update on my mom and my family. She was out of surgery and in recovery and my family was fine. And on that same bench, I learned invaluable lessons. I am not the keeper of my universe. Thankfully, because of a decision I made years ago, I have a God who loves me and wants good things for me, things like trust in Him, knowledge of Him, the wisdom that comes from learning the difficult and unfair lessons of life. I sat there on the bench, surrounded by people who cared for me, not because I could work hard or make a funny joke, but because that simple decision to follow Christ brought us together, even to this place so far away from home.

That was the summer of 2004. I went again to Peru in the summer of 2005, hoping to rekindle the flame of faith that burned so brightly after I made it home from the first trip. And my mother’s cancer treatment came to an end when the doctors said they could do no more in 2006. Then my prayer was for mercy, not for healing, and God’s answer to my prayer was clear and unmistakable.

Looking back, I can see the small decisions that had enormous impact. When I think of what God sees when He looks at my life, I imagine a sort of road map, with my twists and turns, marked by the towns of College and Career and large cities of Pain and Loss and Fear and Joy and Blessing. And as I write this, I’m curious to see which things that seem so commonplace today will actually shape my tomorrow. Looking back, I can see God’s hand at work. And looking forward, I can know that, although I can’t see Him from here, He’s already there, waiting for me in that defining moment.

The Lizard Story

2009-02-26T20:31:00.001-06:00

If you had warned me that the highlight of that day would be showering with a lizard, I would have refused to move out of my sleeping bag that morning. And this was no famous spokeslizard with a flashy foreign accent prepared to sell me car insurance. This was a flesh-colored, beady-eyed, black-eyed lizard stuck to the side of the shower stall. This lizard was way too creepy to sell insurance or anything else, although I’m certain his Peruvian accent would have been lovely.

And I met him after I stepped, fully clothed and trailing a dirt cloud behind me, into a shower in a “hotel” room high in the Andes Mountains. I was on my first ever mission trip, my first trip outside the US, my first trip to Peru, my first trip to the Andes, and the day began with my first ever forced march in said mountains with a group of much more athletic-y people than myself. We drove as far as we could and as the road became too narrow and unstable to drive, we got out to walk, carrying our backpacks filled with eyeglasses and small New Testaments. And I started out well...walking at an unbelievable altitude on a rocky, dirt path with two temperatures...freeze-you-in-the-shade or fry-you-in-the-sun. And then the path got a little harder, a little higher, a little steeper and my heart began to race and my head to pound and the spirit was willing to continue but the flesh was so, so very weak.

I begged to stop. I'd happily sit in the dirt, on a rock, in the sun, or in the shade as long as I could just sit and wait for them to return. That was before I knew about the lizards. At that point, sitting (and maybe not dying from massive heart eruption or head combustion) was my deepest desire. I prayed fervently. I didn't want to be the weak one or for anyone to turn around for me. “Please, God, don’t let me fail. Please, please just don’t let me fail” was my mantra, until it changed over to “Please, God, don’t let me fall. Please just don’t let me die because my mother will kill me.” I just wanted to sit, maybe dangle my feet over the edge of the road, and look at the very, very, very long way down. Yes, you could literally do that. And I'm not surefooted on my best days, but with pounding head and heart and heaving chest, I had to turn around and get back to the truck. It felt like the longest hike in the world, although I never lost sight of the truck so we’re probably talking yards instead of miles. With my tingling feet and hands, flying back to it seemed as likely as actually being able to walk back. I spent more time in the dirt trying to catch my breath and listening to my heart pound than I did upright. Eventually, my snail’s pace progress paid off and I made it back to the truck and into town.

And the aforementioned hotel was, of course, locked. We were the only people staying there. So I sat on the steps of a town in the Andes, all alone, baking in the sun but at a lower heat due to the lower altitude until the children came. They thought I had candy. They believe all strangers have candy. And I agree that they should. I didn't. I had dirt and sweat and very warm water and a crushing disappointment, but no candy. We chatted. In Spanish, my conversation consists of birthday questions, days of the week, time, colors, and other elementary comments just perfect for a group of children who came looking for candy.

I stuttered along and they giggled until the manager came along to unlock the door. And then I ditched those children quickly, as quickly as they would have deserted me if someone with candy instead of broken Spanish came along. I was following the siren song of an icicle shower to wash away my pains. My experience with water is in the Andes isn't so much whether it's warm. It usually isn’t. Again, here you have two choices: numbing cold runoff from melting mountain snow or blistering hot scald thanks to unknown electric water-heater-upper. No, the biggest question is whether the water is actually running. And this was my lucky break that day. It was running. It was brain-freeze cold and running.

So I made it to the bathroom, turned on the blessed water, and stepped inside fully clothed. I stayed there for a moment, watching the dirt on my shirt and pants and shoes turn into mud. And rejoiced to be alive. And back in my natural habitat (anywhere indoors). And then I saw the lizard and I began to pray again. I think it went something like “Please, God, don’t let it jump on my face. Please don’t let it jump.”

And I know God answers prayers. That lizard never moved. Clearly, I wanted that shower. I wanted that shower more than I wanted away from that lizard. And that’s saying something. And he never moved. Even after I had my fill of water and dragged my soggy mess out of that shower, he didn’t move. Mr. Shower Lizard was probably busy praying too. Mr. Shower Lizard was probably afraid I was going to take my clothes off next. I’m glad I couldn’t hear his prayers.

I don’t really remember much clearly after that, but eventually my brain began to thaw and I began to worry. Worry is actually my natural state so that was probably a good sign of my recovery. How was I going to face the rest of the group after my spectacular failure? And I was certain that everyone else would view it the same way. I couldn’t keep up, too out of shape to make the hike that everyone else made. And, really, this isn’t all that unusual a place for me. I don’t run unless someone’s chasing me, I try to avoid the extremes in temperature normally associated with the whole “being outside” thing, and walking can strain the limits of my coordination. The entire trip for me was a series of “God, what am I doing here?” moments. This was just one more.

The memory verse that we were using to help teach English that week was Phillippians 4:13: I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Or “Todo es posible con Cristo” if you prefer. And just to make sure that I got the message, God sent a lizard. Before that trip, I would have told you that showering with a lizard would be impossible. Visions of the horrors of a leaping lizard would have convinced me that there is no way to remain in a confined space with a lizard, no matter the trauma leading up to it. Clearly, I would have been wrong. And I think that’s the thing about surrendering to God’s will.

There are innumerable things about that trip that I would have said were impossible if you’d asked me. The very idea that I would go on a mission trip…you know, all outside and stuff would have topped the list. And the inconceivable idea that I’d shower with a lizard? Never! How much time do you think about the indigenous shower dwelling lizards of the Andes Mountains? Probably no more than I did before that trip. Now, I think about indigenous shower lizards a little more often.

I have an awesome God. My God sees high in the Andes Mountains. He knows all the days of my life, the ones before that trip and the ones that followed. He sees me and knows me. And in that moment, my God was with me. My God knew that I would need a way to break the ice, to get over myself and my failure, and to let others love me anyway. My God knew that the only way for me to conquer this disappointment was to laugh. And, truly, my God works in mysterious ways.

That lizard never moved until he was escorted out, tail-end up. When my group returned, someone asked me how I was feeling and I explained the shower and the lizard. The girls squealed and shuddered as is only proper and one brave soul, a valiant he-man type, picked up Mr. Shower Lizard and threw him out the window, where he no doubt, thanked his lucky stars and scampered away.

I can’t explain all the lessons that I learned on that trip. Away from my comfort and security, there is only God. There are dozens of stories that illustrate who I was and what I learned about Him, myself, and His overwhelming love for me. Some of them are even deep, meaningful, and surpassingly theologically relevant. The lizard story is just easier to tell.

On the newstand

2009-02-23T09:26:00.005-06:00

I really dislike grocery shopping. I don't believe I've ever met someone who really loved it, but I do enjoy it more because I shop at Wal-Mart. I know it's the evil empire. I don't care. It became the evil empire because it's very, very good at what it does...mainly combining auto parts and fresh produce and a million other things you might never expect to see in your neighborhood grocery store. I always buy something I shouldn't when I grocery shop, usually a book or magazine. Those I love to shop for.

A week ago I did my shopping on a Sunday evening which is unusual for me. My usual is Friday evening because "date night" in Saline County can be pretty interesting at the local Wal-Mart. Anyway, I was surprised at how long the lines were. I had too much time to peruse the last minute items and magazines, in the lane I was in and the surrounding lanes. And that's where I found a new magazine, Purpose Driven Connection. I bought the first issue, featuring Rick Warren front and center out of curiosity.

I did a little research to find out that the plan is to produce a quarterly magazine which is centered around the idea of community and there are multimedia resources to support it. This first issue came with a CD and Bible Study, 40 Days of Love, bound in. It's been an interesting read, not because I've learned anything new. Most of the material from Rick Warren is stuff that I've already read through the daily devotional. What is most interesting is the idea that the world is ready for a Christian magazine to be available at the checkout line. Is it? I'm not sure.

This is what Rick Warren says about it:
"There's a flat-out segment of Americans who are unashamed followers of Jesus Christ," Mr. Warren said. "We're not trying to make this a magazine for everybody."

Researching online, I found plenty of listings for the magazine. And it appears that the world is just about as ready for it as it has been for centuries which is to say not at all. The Rick Warren bashing in the comments by readers of the articles is pervasive, mainly on the themes of either money-grubbing or megalomania. And of course, Pastor Rick must have expected as much. I thought it strange that his letter stated so clearly that he makes no money from this magazine, but I understand better. And the megalomania...I was a little uncomfortable with Rick Warren as cover boy, but the inside pages have more to do with a collection of everyday people and other Christian bestsellers. And those bestsellers like Max Lucado and Lee Stroebel are bestsellers for a reason.

The magazine is only so-so to me. There are other Christian publications that I prefer...but they aren't there in the checkout newstand. I'm curious to see how this does.

UPDATE: I changed this a little because the attacks I read weren't in the articles but in comments left by readers. And Straight Talk...I completely agree with your comment. I hope the magazine does very well and I think if anyone can pull it off, it may just be Rick Warren. His book changed how I view life here and I hope the magazine can accomplish great things who can find it on the newstand at Wal-Mart.

52 Blessing Week 9: Darcy Dog

2009-02-10T11:11:00.003-06:00

So I got a new photography toy and poor Darcy is my best model. She really is a blessing and she may actually turn up for more than one week because I take photos of her/afflict her when I have the chance. It's a burden that she bears. Usually, cheefully, but then sometimes, not so much. That's when the Milk Bones come in handy!

Romans 12:12 (NIV)

12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

52 Blessings Week 8: Reminders

2009-02-09T08:01:00.004-06:00

Romans 10:17 (NIV)
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.

I went to the best conference thing this weekend. The stated purpose was to find out more about mentoring, but the study is just really so very good. I mean it. When I got the book on Thursday, I started the homework assignment and I was reminded how simple faith really is. I need that reminder. It's so easy for me to get caught up in thinking too much, to worry that I don't have all the answers so I can't really speak to anyone about what I believe, to fear the future, to regret the past, to falter and lose focus. And that's just where the "tripper" wants me to be, hampered, confused, and afraid. Having faith doesn't mean having no doubts. Having faith is about a choice.

We've been challenged to find someone else to go through the book with us, a short five-week study, so if anyone wants to do this with me, let's talk. As I went through this, I remembered the feelings I experienced as I read The Purpose Driven life for the first time. Simple truth that is life-changing at the same time, that's the faith I have. And the PDL Daily Devotional today is about just this subject, Start with the Faith You Have. This choice that we all have to believe the Bible is true and live that way is simple and life-changing.

52 Blessings Week 7: Facebook

2009-01-29T09:38:00.003-06:00

Yeah, I'd never have guessed it either, but Facebook has turned out to be one of those things that I get talked into that I really enjoy (I believe I have Mundane Jane to thank for that. She gets me into most of these internets obsessions). I've been on Facebook for a while now, but really didn't spend/waste much time there, but now it's moved right up the list of things I have to check. Why? Because now I know some faithful Facebook friends, people who post and comment and write on your wall and send you flair. And it's almost instant. And you can chat with any friend who happens to be online, whether that's a friend from across the street or around the world and whether you talked to them last at lunch or 1991.

Yesterday was my birthday and it was fun to get so many wishes on Facebook. I'm surrounded by great friends now and my family never forgets, so the Facebook friends are an added bonus.
Of course, I understand it's not all happiness and light. There is my looming word game addiction to worry about, but I'll think about that some other time.

(And this is a not-so-secret ploy to add to my Facebook friends. If you'd like to be my virtual friend, look for me! Seriously. And if you can't find me, comment here and I'll find you! Seriously! I'm all about adding the Facebook friends.)

Just thinking of you today...

2009-01-22T15:26:00.002-06:00

So, I have another favorite message. In addition to "I saw this and thought of you", I'm also loving "Just thinking about you. Have a happy day." I got these flowers today, unexpectedly, from my brother. How sweet is that? So in addition to being an unexpected gift, which we know I love, I also got flowers! I love flowers. Well, not the actual planting them in the ground and weeding and watering and stuff like that. If they need all that from me, they're going to die. It's a harsh fact of life, but fact nevertheless.

So here's another lesson I need to learn from that...other people need to know I'm just thinking about them and that I want them to have a happy day. I've been on a sort of (internal) rampage lately, briefly interrupted by my conviction delivered via email yesterday in words I wrote myself. Being reminded that someone loves me and wants me to have a happy day helps. It really does.

Six Flags over Jesus

2009-01-21T09:37:00.005-06:00

I was emailing with someone this weekend and the subject of religion came up. He said he wasn't much into the whole "six flags over Jesus" thing and felt like it was just more important to be a good person. Really? (Warning: stepping up on the soap box.)

Never heard "six flags over Jesus" before? Me, either (and I would remember because it's a pretty clever little phrase). Basically, it refers to a mega church, which has services like...a coffee shop...a gym...a bookstore...gasp. And it collects money. And has a membership of 20,000 and 8 parking lots...and it's all orderly. And then get this, from the pulpit, you get messages, you know, like maybe a preacher might deliver. In a church!

I've been to a couple of mega-churches...that were not evil, cash cows looking to sucker the masses in to support the man. They were successful. They are successful in reaching people, in drawing them in and, clearly, in getting support and building a connection.

Six flags over Jesus...man, that's cynical, but the world's cynical and ready to enlighten any "poor" person who might believe in the possibility of good in people and hope for the future. Churches are supposed to be poor and struggle, right? Not be successful and powerful and alive. Oh, and you shouldn't enjoy worshiping either, so let's be suspicious.

And trying to be a "good" person...where does the standard come from? There's absolutely no way to be good enough and, in fact, the reason we have mega-churches in the first place is that there are a whole lot of people who realize they will never be good enough. And that's OK anyway because they can still be accepted and still serve and accomplish God's purpose...through His church, no matter the size. What you did matters less than who you know and what you can do.

Whether you worship in a mega-church or a country church or a countryside, that's religion. To me, faith is a relationship. Yes, worship is important, but that relationship, that's life and death. When you realize that just being a good person isn't enough, that there's more to this world than what you can get for yourself, and you reach out to begin that relationship with Jesus Christ, that's faith. And that's critical. And letting something silly like an aversion to mega-churches or televangelism or, even worse, all the hypocrites (or politics or fill in the blank) that fill churches today keep you from that relationship is just a cop out. And it's dangerous. And sad.

But I didn't say any of that. Yet.

I just thought it.

The proper response isn't defense, and really, it's OK to choose to worship somewhere besides the big church. I don't think it's really fair to judge them until you know more about them, and "six flags over Jesus" seems pretty judgmental. What's really more important is the whole "focus on being a good person" argument.

Wonder what I'll say about that? My answer is still pending...

Romans 3:22-24
This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

(stepping down off the soap box now)

52 Blessing Week 6: Time Saving Devices

2009-01-19T20:06:00.002-06:00

My usual time saving device involves a drive-thru and disposable silverware, but in the effort to turn over my new leaf...I've been cooking. And that means dishes. I think my dishwasher has gotten more use in the past week that maybe the year before combined. (And this is not my dishwasher...either the dog or the household appliance but it sorta goes with the dog chef on the other blog.)

So in the past week, I've eaten out twice.

And cooked all the OTHER NIGHTS! I can't believe it myself. And exercised just a little: up to 10 pounds.

And I bought some jewlery.

Diet Cokes...yeah, well, this may be the first resolution to die.

The book...just outlined a little. I need to get serious about this one.

Soul mate...thank goodness I have a dog. And a dishwasher.

Motivation

2009-01-16T07:54:00.003-06:00

This has been one of those weeks where I've done some growing, tried some new things that worked out. I love those times. I like to learn new things, but to be happy, I have to be good at those things. And beginners aren't usually good. Most things take practice and stick-to-it-ive-ness in order to be really successful.

This week, I cooked. I don't cook. This week, I cooked 5 nights out of 7. I cooked new things and they were edible and I call that success.

I tried the American Christian Writers meeting and it was fabulous, so much fun. Of course, the idea that they also meet to critique writing causes me to pause. Memories of my Creative Writing course at Ouachita rear up...I never wanted a class to end as badly as I wanted that one to be over, not even Finance, Economics, or Statistics. And it wasn't the writing. It was the class critique, which was always good but also always had the threat of being not-so-good. And I think if you write, criticism follows (not sure, but I think that's how it's supposed to work, right? Maybe I should rethink this goal!), but that's a worry for some other time. Let's see if I actually get anything written first.

And at our time management Lunch & Learn, I realized that I could do the things I want to do, the things that are a part of my purpose. There is really nothing holding me back. The biggest obstacle: time wasters. I've got to get control of my time wasters. And I'm motivated right now. Maybe I'll try to work on that this weekend, but I really like those time wasters so it's going to take some prayer! So this is another question of focus, keeping my eyes on where I'm going and waving off distractions...yep, gonna take some prayer.

Hebrews 12

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

A little light-headed

2009-01-13T08:04:00.003-06:00

I'm doing a little branching out and the change in atmosphere is making me a little light-headed. I don't network. I don't mingle. I'm much better at forming a cluster with my friends than meeting new people. I am pretty good at keeping the cluster together because I hate to see anyone left out, but being out on my own is a scary thing.

So at the last Marketplace Connection lunch, I had to make a decision: force my friend to bunch up to make room for me at their filled table or find someone new to sit with. And in a shocking turn of events (tied mainly to the fact that I don't like to bother people either), I sat at a different table and made conversation with people I didn't know well. And then Mary invited me to the meeting of the American Christian Writers chapter at FamilyLife. And the topic is perfect for me. And I'm going (because, well, you know...I guess I've decided I'm going to try to be a writer and all). All this newness...it's going to be OK, right? Sure it will.

Update

2009-01-12T08:01:00.003-06:00

So, while I'm still sticking with the resolutions, here's an update:
1. Jewelry: none. I went a little shop-looking but no buying.
2. Diet Cokes: well, I was off to a good start, but now I'm sliding. I'm back up to 3, one with each meal.
3. Diet and exercise: so far, so good. I've managed to do something to move around a bit more than usual every day and have lost 4 whole pounds. It seems like it should be 400 but no, only 4. In fact, I even cooked this weekend. Twice. It is shocking. AND there were no potholders lost in the effort. I think I'm getting better.
4. The book: I spent some time this weekend re-reading what I've written on the blogs to see if my subject is lurking around here. I think it is, but that's as far as I've made it.
5. Soul mate: well, yeah, see, it's like this...no news here.

52 Blessings Week 5: Encouraging Words

2009-01-09T07:50:00.005-06:00

As I was trudging up the hill to my house last night after an unprecedented fifth lap around my neighborhood, I felt like there should be a finish line with lots of people cheering for me. Each lap is only half of a mile, but it's the hills...the hills! It felt like a big deal to me, but the rest of the world...missed it, just went on with their stuff. And that's how it should be. If there really had been a finish line and a crowd waiting, I might never have started. I don't need that much pressure!

Real life is just like that to me. When I feel like celebrating a success, the rest of the world might celebrate with me, but when I'm struggling, it often seems like I struggle alone. And yesterday I was disappointed. Disappointed in people. It's really easy to get that way, but it's a mistake to stay that way. And that's when you need some encouraging words, whether it's that you did a good job or are making progress or don't have to feel bad because you can't do it all or maybe it's just a reminder that you aren't alone.

If you are an encourager by nature, you don't get enough credit. Thank you. You are a joy to be around. I'm lucky enough to know several. I'm not an encourager, not because I don't care or don't want to be, but usually because I'm just oblivious, wrapped up in my own stuff. I need to be more aware because I understand what a difference the right words can make.

1Thessalonians 5:11
11Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Ups and Downs

2009-01-08T08:11:00.005-06:00

I need some phraseology help if any of you out there are good at that sorta thing. I know there's a downhome saying about having to take your own advice, something about eating what you cooked and this post would be so much better if it would come to me. But it won't, so we move on!

I was reading my first writing sample for Marketplace Connection that went out this morning about resolutions. As I read, I thought to myself, "Well, crud. I did say that, didn't I?" And I made some this year. Of course, I didn't stick to my own advice. That would be too easy. Here's what I came up with:

1. Buy more jewelry (this I can do. Got it. No problem, since more would just be...like, a pair of earrings. I'm not a good shopper.)
2. Work on my Diet Coke thing. I was using "Quit Smoking", but I don't smoke so that's just cheating. Right? It is, right? Because I'd still like to use it because it's easy but...OK, it's cheating. So I managed to cut down to 1 a day. Until yesterday. And already today. This isn't looking good.
3. Lose weight and exercise more. The problem with this one is that it's way too general. And that's probably my only hope of meeting it! Still, so far, I've managed to diet for 4 days. And exercise for 4 days. Not a record, but a modest success.
4. Write that book I've been meaning to get done. This could be the biggest violation on my list: it's not simple and with all the dieting and exercise, my brain is not functioning as well as it used to.
5. And I put "Find my soulmate" down because it was on the list of most popular resolutions. And I thought it was funny. And I figure...if it's that easy for everyone else, I ought to be able to do it too, ignoring all the evidence to the contrary. Right? I'm pretty sure writing the book is going to be easier than this one.

Really, as I look at the list, they're all things I want to do. And with the exception of #5, I think they are all things I can do, things I will do. So, overall, not too bad.

And then I run through the things that I've been thinking and saying to myself all week. Defeating myself before I've even begun. That's the thing with me. I take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. If you look at the post right before this one, it was all about fresh starts. I believed it then and now I'm beating myself up over the past. And that just has to stop.

I do believe God is going to do a new thing. And He will do it in my life if I'll just get out of the way. I have to keep my eye on the goal, stop looking back. In Philippians 3:12-16 (Msg), Paul wrote:

Focused on the Goal
12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

15-16So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.

I'm fairly certain this is going to take some patience. And that's not one of my strong points. Paul's a great example. I don't have it all together either, but I can't let that stop me. I've gotta get on the right track and stay on it!

52 Blessings Week 4: Fresh Starts

2009-01-04T15:31:00.003-06:00

I love the week between Christmas and New Year's day. I normally store up vacation so that I have a great break at a great time. And it's the time of resolutions and thinking about what you want the next year to be like. And new calendar pages. I really like blank calendars. It's a shame that they get so crowded and cluttered so soon! Today I'm really thinking about what a blessing it is that we get to start over.

I stepped on a scale. And immediately regretted it. But the fact is that the number that shows up there is something that is in my power to change. I should know. I've done it over and over and over and over...but this time could be different. I'm not doomed to the same mistakes (although they seem nearly impossible to break out of) because I get to start over. And in any one of a thousand other areas where I've messed up, I get to start over from where I am. Make a change. Try something different. Make a difference. It's discouraging if I look at how many times I've had to start over, but it does not change the fact that I am so lucky to have a new day, a fresh calendar, to try it again.

Isaiah 43
16 This is what the LORD says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters,

17 who drew out the chariots and horses,
the army and reinforcements together,
and they lay there, never to rise again,
extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:

18 "Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

Unexpected gifts

2008-12-22T10:02:00.006-06:00

I love to get gifts. I'm sure that at the ripe old age of 35, I should be completely over that, but I'm not. I love gifts. It's not about the price tag. It's about the surprise. The wrapping paper and the surprise.

I've determined that may be part of my difficulty getting into the Christmas spirit, everything is scripted and done according to the list and everyone is appreciative and we move on. There's nothing really wrong with that except...I like to give thoughtful gifts, spontaneous gifts, to people who appreciate those things. Luckily, I work with creative types who would appreciate that. Or, at the very least, appreciate pretty wrapping and bows. Unfortunately, my brain is mostly worn out this time of year so I go with predictable instead.

Last week I got a package at work from a designer who has become a friend. I thought it was work, so when I saw a gift instead...how exciting! A Psalms desk calendar with a lovely note..."I saw this and thought of you."

I love the gift (from someone who is a much better friend than I am, but that's really to be expected!), but even more, I love the note. OK, well, as much anyway. I needed the reminder. I want to be that kind of person...when a friend sees a Psalms calendar, I want them to think of me. I want to be thought of as someone who appreciates God's word. And, even when I don't know it, someone might be thinking of me.

Father, thank you so much for surrounding me with good friends. This time of year is hard and loneliness comes unexpectedly because I feel a little out of step in my family sometimes. It's good to know that my steps are just different, I'm in step with other people. Who like me, not because we has the same parents but because they like me. Help me to remember what's important and that you never leave me alone. And Father, I want people to know that I'm yours, when they see me, they think of you. Help me to be that person.

52 Blessings Week 3: Snow Days

2008-12-19T05:51:00.003-06:00

So you won't see a picture of snow, because there wasn't any to speak of, only ice. But I was safe and sound at home with a free day that normally would have been spent working, so I worked...on Christmas. The blessing here is that the extra time couldn't have come at a better time. In the midst of the craziness that is the holiday season, extra time in hard to come by. Work is crazy. And then home is crazier with the shopping and for me, the cooking and cleaning.

It's difficult to find peace and joy at what should be the most joyful and peaceful season. Some are energized by that. Me, I just want to be quiet. And if I can do that at home, even better. So I cooked a little, crafted a lot, and crossed items off of my list, and as a result, I felt better about celebrating with my friends and I've moved on to the next hurdle: cleaning my house. If you could see it, you'd understand how high this hurdle is! And then the turkey is lurking...the source of most of my Christmas stress.

Thank you, Father, for unexpected gifts. They're the best kind! Thank you for the chance to organize myself and spend a little extra time on the people who make my workdays better.

52 Blessings Week 2: Working with Friends

2008-12-12T07:38:00.004-06:00

Proverbs 17:17 (New International Version)
A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.

I was thinking hard on the way in to work this morning about the best thing to post today for week 2 of my assignment. I think the original goal on Photojojo was to practice my photography skills. So far, that hasn't panned out but I think it's even more important to think about my blessings. That's my story and I'm sticking to it (but there might also be something to the fact that my schedule is crammed, my camera is out of it's normal place, I'm too busy/lazy to get it and set something up right now, I only do things at the last minute...).

So today my picture is from our Halloween competition here at work and it's just a small representation of my friends here and why working with them is good for me. From this photo, you can tell that my friends are creative with great senses of humor and fun spirits (and maybe they're just a little...different. Like me). It's a little harder to tell is how generous they are, how good they are, and that each one is a good friend. Each person in that picture has gone above and beyond the call of "co-worker" for me. And there are more here, people who aren't in the picture.

I was thinking about this and I guess that spending 8 hours a day together, for years and years and years and years...and years, under the pressure of never-ending deadlines will probably make you best of friends or mortal enemies. And some of them I've even made road trips and worked trade shows with...and we're still friends. In fact, under pressure, I'm the first one to crack and my bad stuff spills out but they still make room for me and laugh with me and forgive me. Good friends.

I do thank God for placing me in the middle of this group of people. They are a blessing.

2 Thessalonians 1:3 (New International Version)
3We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing.

Nicodemus

2008-12-08T20:25:00.000-06:00

Gohere to read John 3.

In John 3, we have the powerhouse verse found on signs at every sporting event around the world. I'm going to look at something different in this chapter: Jesus' conversation with Nicodemus, a Pharisee who sought out Jesus to find out more. Pharisees have a pretty bad reputation but it seems that Nicodemus was faithful, a teacher, and yet also curious about Jesus. And he just couldn't grasp the idea of being "born again."

As someone who has lived her entire life smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt, it's hard to imagine a time and place where being "born again" isn't understood. But it's kind of a difficult thing to grasp. And as Jesus said to Nicodemus, "I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?"

Nicodemus was a learned man and honestly curious to know more...and he just couldn't get it, couldn't understand that Jesus brought new life through a rebirth, not physically here but spiritually. I like this story, especially compared to the next chapter with the Samaritan woman because I think we see these same conversation every day...the super religious who know the right things to say and may even be genuinely seeking Christ like Nicodemus who struggle and sinners like the Samaritan woman who hurt and only have to be offered an option to grab hold of it. Both are sinners, both come to Christ, but with vastly different experiences. How lucky we are that Jesus came to save the lost, no matter their position in society. And even more lucky that Jesus had a message to reach them both...and you...and me.

52 Blessings: Week 1 Christmas Decorations

2008-12-05T07:24:00.002-06:00

So in the effort to stick with my new plan to at least post once a week with a blessing as a part of the "52 Blessings" idea from Photojojo, I have my first post ready. Unfortunately my photo isn't really worthy of showing to people who love photography...not very artsy anyway. Still, it works for this.

Week #1-Christmas Decorations...at work
I work for a company where Christmas is present every day of the year, thanks to publishing 2 large Christmas craft books. It takes A. Very. Long. Time. to do this. Even when it's melting hot outside, there's Christmas something hanging around here. But I think it goes deeper than that too. I'm lucky to work for a place that will put up a beautiful nativity set in the lobby. All visitors will see that nativity. And I see it every time I ride on the elevator (and that's a lot because the Diet Coke is on the first floor but I live on the second floor...and I'm lazy so I ride).

I like that it's still "Merry Christmas" around here. Santa and his reindeer and "Happy Holidays" are here too, but Jesus and the manger haven't been hidden away.

John or not John

2008-12-04T05:58:00.001-06:00

This is a note for BK, who left comments on the post "John, whom Jesus loved" because there's discussion about who the Beloved Disciple is..John or not John. The writer of the gospel is anonymous and early church tradition attributes it to John. If I'm reading correctly, it appears that an argument exists that the Beloved Disciple is actually Lazarus (from John 11). It's an interesting argument and there's more to it. As it is called the Gospel of John, I'll probably continue to call him John but I'm really trying to find out more about Jesus. Check out more online if you're curious.

So the disciples will believe

2008-12-03T06:34:00.000-06:00

Click here to read John 2.

In John 2, it's easier to see how John has carefully chosen the accounts of Jesus that he includes and he also provides some extra insight so that we, the readers, will understand the man and his actions. In this chapter, John tells about Jesus changing the water to wine at the wedding in Cana and clearing the temple...2 very different stories, but in each, his followers come to know more about him.

So Jesus and his party go to a wedding and when the wine runs out, Mary tells Jesus about the problem. He tells the servants what to do and they do it and better wine than they'd had before is now in the waterpot...and no one knows about it except Mary, the servants and the disciples. And about this miracle John says:

This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed in Cana of Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.

From this story we know that Jesus was working on God's timetable, waiting for His direction and command to make himself known. Clearly, fixing the problem wasn't that difficult. And he didn't do it because Mary asked him to (she didn't but she put her faith in his decision) or for his own glory (not a very public display of his power) but to strengthen the belief and knowledge of the men following him.

Then there's the story in the temple, a very public display of his righteous anger, his power, and his conviction. Jesus clearly felt anger at the commercialism in the temple, the place were believers should worship and bring others. From the private miracle at Cana to the public stance at Capernaum, Jesus was building his name. And first, he strengthened his disciples, who were learning him and even though they didn't believe yet, they knew his power, and then he proclaimed his authority:

17His disciples remembered that it is written: "Zeal for your house will consume me."18Then the Jews demanded of him, "What miraculous sign can you show us to prove your authority to do all this?"
19Jesus answered them, "Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days."
20The Jews replied, "It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in three days?" 21But the temple he had spoken of was his body. 22After he was raised from the dead, his disciples recalled what he had said. Then they believed the Scripture and the words that Jesus had spoken.

23Now while he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many people saw the miraculous signs he was doing and believed in his name. 24But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men. 25He did not need man's testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man.

And then, just as today, there were people who said they believed. It would be difficult in the face of clearly miraculous signs to not believe. Right? Maybe. But then, as today and certainly someday when we meet Jesus again, Jesus didn't need to hear what they said. He sees the heart.

So from these stories, what do we know about Jesus...
Social-he was out in the world, enjoying a festive occasion like a wedding
Committed-he could change the water to wine for his mother, but the calling from the Father was more important.
Power-making wine from water was simple
Anger-clearing the temple is about returning the focus to the worship of God
Authority-Jesus did not hestitate to run the men out of the temple and when he was challenged, he had an answer.

Jesus, the One

2008-12-02T05:45:00.000-06:00

Click here to read John 1.
John's gospel was written in view of a single critical goal. And it wasn't to be a historical record of Jesus' days here or to prove that he fulfilled prophesy. Here's what John said about the "why" of this gospel:

Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. John 20:30-31

As simple and as important as showing that Jesus was the Son of God so that we may have life. The signs, the sermons, the actions recorded here are here only to show us who Jesus was and is from one who knew him better than anyone. So what do we know about Jesus from Chapter 1?

John 1:1-3; John 1:10-14 (New International Version)

The Word Became Flesh
1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.
3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

10He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

So what do we know...
Jesus is the Word, and the Word is
Eternal-he was with God in the beginning, a part of God.
Creator-nothing is made except that he made it
Incarnate-the Word came to the world as a man
Personal-he came as a man to save his own people and then made it possible for anyone who believes to become a child of God
Singular-this Word, this man, is the One and Only. There is no other who comes from the Father.

This may be the hardest part of Jesus to understand. The historical Jesus is a little easier because the 33 years he was actually here in the form of a man are easier to imagine. We have words here, accounts from the people who lived with him, but the eternal aspect or the "God" part of Jesus is difficult to grasp. Even the idea of being the Son of God is easier to understand for me. For some reason, it seems OK for God to be a mystery but I want to be able to wrap my mind around this man called Jesus.

John didn't seem to have the same trouble. I wonder how long it took John to understand it all. It does not seem that the disciples automatically comprehended the true power of Jesus. It seems that would have been trembling puddles if they had.

Other important pieces of Chapter 1:
John the Baptist as witness. John the Baptist was preaching the coming Messiah and he baptised Jesus and recognized him as the one. John had a sign to confirm it: the dove that came down during the baptism.

And 2 of his disciples: Andrew and John (the Gospel writer) left him to follow Jesus.
How'd you like to be Andrew? The first of the disciples to follow and bring his brother...good ol' Simon Peter...to Jesus.

How many names do you see? Where do they come from? Prophecy, the religious understanding of the day, the unique being of Jesus, each one shows a piece of the character of Jesus.
Word, light, life, Rabbi, Teacher, Messiah, the Christ, Lamb of God, Son of God, King of Israel, Son of Man

John, whom Jesus loved

2008-12-01T17:22:00.003-06:00

I decided that for December I'd take a look at the book of John. If you ask me why, I'd have to say something about it seeming like the thing to do at the time. The reasons aren't very black and white, but at this time of year, we talk a lot about the "reason for the season" and we sing songs about silent nights.

And that's all so important. But I think that to too many people, Jesus is either the baby in a manger (although they don't pray to baby Jesus like Ricky Bobby, I hope) or he's a sacrifice on a cross (and maybe he's still there for you, but he should be so much more). So I wanted to take a look at the gospel written by the disciple "whom Jesus loved."

John, one of the inner circle, wrote his gospel close to the end of his life, many years after Christ's death and resurrection, and after the other gospels were written. So why write it? He didn't write it for a person or even to reach a group of people. John wrote it to show the world who Christ was, so that every person could know him and believe.

To John, Jesus was a man but so much more. John didn't know the baby and met Jesus as he began his ministry, traveled and worked with Jesus, saw the signs of the Messaiah, saw his death and resurrected body and he believed. And he became a leader of the church. I've mentioned before that I really identify with Peter, mainly because he messed up. A lot. But now I'm curious about John. He may turn out to be one of the perfect people...and he probably should be to be that close to Jesus, but I'd still like to know more.

And to encourage my study, I ran across these quotes.

"Martin Luther said that if we whould lose all the books of the Bible except two--John and Romans--Christianity could be saved."

"An old story suggests that an agnostic was challenged by Henry Clay Trumbell to study the Gospel of John. After emerging from his skeptical analysis, the man told Trumbell, 'The one of whom this book tells is either the Savior of the world or He ought to be.'"

Now are you curious too? Who do you say he is?
Let's take a look at it with new eyes. I want to see the Jesus that John knew.

52 Blessings

2008-11-26T02:34:00.000-06:00

So, as usual, I've gotten distracted and forgotten to post the way I should. It only gets worse around the holidays when my true funk kicks in (if the definition of "sickly" is low energy and given to depression, I'm entering my sickly phase. See you in March). Now I have a plan. Everything in my life runs on deadlines, so I'm going to make sure I have to post at least once a week. I got my Photojojo newsletter (for people who like photography) this week, and true to the Thanksgiving theme, it's about things you feel grateful for or there's another assignment called "52 Blessings." So basically, I need one blessing a week. Surely I can swing that, right? I'll start it the first week of December. The best part is that they don't have to be earth shattering...there's nothing better than just being happy and doing good. That comes from the verse below, found in Ecclesiastes, right after the "Time for Everything" list.

From Ecclesiastes 3
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.

When was the last time...

2008-11-25T08:27:00.004-06:00

I was reading a Christian blog written by the pastor of NewSpring church, Perry Noble, and came across the question, "When was the last time you went to church expecting God to speak to you?"

I think expectation is part of my challenge. I go to church because I'm supposed to. Most of the time, that's why. I guess I expect to enjoy it, to check it off my list, and then get on with the demands of the week. I pray because I'm supposed to. Most of the time, that's why. I expect to check it off the list and then go back to the next problem. There are times when I desperately want to hear God speak, and because of the problems that I have with my expectations day to day, it's difficult to hear God speaking.

One of the things I want to take a look at is the difference in waiting and expecting. I think I wait instead of expect and I just know there's got to be a difference.

I just did a very quick search on waiting, and this verse from Micah seemed to fit...watching in hope...that's probably where I need to step it up a little.

Micah 7:7 (New International Version)

7 But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD,
I wait for God my Savior;
my God will hear me.

Inspired

2008-11-05T06:39:00.005-06:00

It's been a few days since our last video post, so here's another. I really don't understand why people want to add cheesy graphics and weird "Jesus" pictures to perfectly nice videos, but this is the best I've found to go with this Steven Curtis Chapman song.

I'm posting it because yesterday, as I was driving in to work, this song played, and about the time "you whisper and my heart begins to soar", the tears started. It's such a question: Where is the hope of London? Where is the hope for Africa? Where is the hope for the beggar...or the rich man...or me? I think the timing has to do with my response because we were facing an election where the biggest word is "change" and people are desperate for something better. Politics isn't the answer, but hope is.

Whether it's the on streets of London, the children of Africa, every man and woman, boy and girl...every single person needs hope.

And the fact of the matter is that president-elect Obama is just one man. He has a powerful message, but he's just one man. And the truth is that God is in control. And if we want change, we're going to have to make it. And it has less to do with clean energy or fiscal policy or bipartisanship and more to do with living as we've been called to live. Democrat or Republican, the greatest commandment is the same: Love one another. And honestly, if we could just do that, we could change the world.

(Stepping down off the soap box now.)

Abide: Ask

2008-11-04T05:41:00.000-06:00

In John 15, Jesus says:
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

4. When you abide, you ask and God moves.

James 4:3 (NASB) says:
3You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.

I was looking up verse 2 which says, "You do not have because you do not ask." And this is a problem with me, for sure. I don't ask...until it's really, really big. And often, when I do ask, it's because I have the wrong motives. Either way, I don't have. And this right here, this issue, this promise is where I get hung up over and over. God is good. I want what God has for me. I ask for His direction.
But...I hold something back. I want the good things for sure. But do I really want to take the steps to get there? Especially when they are unclear?

Today I'm saying I do. Father, I want your will for my life. I want to abide in you, to be close to you, to fulfill my purpose in you. Help me abide in you daily, to see where you are working and understand my part and then give me the courage to pursue it. Help me to ask with the right motives for the blessings that I know that you have for me and to maintain the right heart so that I can be used by you.

Abide: His word

2008-11-03T04:32:00.000-06:00

3. To abide, you have to know what Jesus says. His words also abide in you.

Psalm 119:11 (New International Version)
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.

The more I study, the clearer it becomes the less I know. You know? As I read what Jesus says about abiding, it's clear to me that one of my problems is not knowing His words well enough. In John 15, Jesus says that I should abide in him and his words in me. I have the kind of memory that will sometimes allow me to get the broad idea, but not the word-for-word...and that's probably not so good either. And any test better be on the New Testament because the OT can get a little fuzzy. So, uh, here's a sticking point...I see something to change and it's pretty clear on where I need to go...more words, more OT words, more study period.

So, now what am I going to do about it?

Abide: what sorta fruit are you bearing?

2008-10-29T04:37:00.000-06:00

2. To abide means that you will bear fruit.

Am I bearing fruit? I'm not sure. I do know what the fruits should be though.
Remember what Paul says about the fruit in Galatians 5? And we're all supposed to have the fruit.

Form the NIV:
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Here's how the Message says it,
22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

As I've always thought about this, bearing fruit seems like an on again, off again thing in my life. One time I get it right, the next time I get it wrong...sometimes minutes apart. So maybe the test on abiding is a minute-by-minute kinda thing. Am I bearing fruit now? How about now? Now? And then practice makes perfect? Even this I think is tied to seeing others the way that God sees them, looking through His eyes. It makes all the difference.

Abide: What's love got to do with it?

2008-10-28T06:01:00.000-06:00

So we know the basic, critical, gotta-have commandment to abide: Love one another.

Here's what Paul says about love, Message-style, in 1 Corinthians 13:
So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

And I'm so glad I looked this up in the Message just for the last 2 sentences. Now, the definition of love is tough. Puts up with anything? Doesn't want what it doesn't have? I am in SO MUCH TROUBLE! I think I'm going to have to meditate on this one a while to recover.

Abide: The commandments

2008-10-27T05:52:00.001-06:00

So as I'm reading this, I'm looking for parts of the definition of "abide" according to Jesus. From John 15, I know:
1. To abide, keep my commandments.
Easy enough, right? So what are the commandments? Further in John 15, jesus says this, Message-style:
--
I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love.

I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.

You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won't spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you.

But remember the root command: Love one another.
--
So, it's just as simple and as difficult as that to keep His commandments: Love one another.
This one's going to take some work. People aren't easy to love most of the time. It is easy to love some people, of course. But then, there are the rest of us. OK, like me, if you're one of the easily lovable. Obviously, the key to loving the unlovable is to see them the way Jesus sees them. He's managed to love me that way so I know it works. I just have to figure out how to adjust my vision and make it stick that way.

Abide: Jesus in John 15

2008-10-24T05:42:00.000-06:00

John 15 (the only place I find "abide" right now), Jesus says:
I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned.

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples.

Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.

As I mentioned yesterday, this comes from the New American Standard translation because that's were I could find "abide" used instead of "remain" and I think the key to what God is saying to me is tied to abiding, not remaining. I do think it's interesting that this section also contains one of the biggest faith challenges I've ever faced: the promise about asking whatever you wish and it will be done for you. The only way that can be true is that it's tied to the condition of abiding in Christ. It just really sounds so simple, doesn't it? Just do it. Just abide in my love and you'll bear fruit and have joy.

Why is it so hard?

Abide: John 15:4

2008-10-23T07:02:00.005-06:00

New International Version (NIV)
4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

New American Standard Bible (NASB)
4"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.

The Message (MSG)
4"Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me.

When I began looking for more information on what it means to "abide" in the Bible, the only verse I could sort of remember was from John 15. And my Bible didn't have a reference for abide because it's NIV. In the NIV, the word is remain. Do you think abide and remain are the same thing?

I love Biblegateway.com. It's never been easier to search for the words you can sort of remember or to compare translations. NIV is my usual, but I like to also check the NASB and the Message, just to see the difference. And the Message is always different! But I like it because it's usually just a different way of looking at things I've heard all my life. Sometimes you just need a fresh perspective.

So are abide and remain and live the same thing? Here are the definitions from dictionary.com.
Abide
1. to remain; continue; stay: Abide with me.
2. to have one's abode; dwell; reside: to abide in a small Scottish village.
3. to continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, etc.; last.
4. to put up with; tolerate; stand: I can't abide dishonesty!
5. to endure, sustain, or withstand without yielding or submitting: to abide a vigorous onslaught.
6. to wait for; await: to abide the coming of the Lord.

Remain:
1. to continue in the same state; continue to be as specified: to remain at peace.
2. to stay behind or in the same place: to remain at home; I'll remain here when you go to the airport.

Live:
1. to have life, as an organism; be alive; be capable of vital functions: all things that live.
2. to continue to have life; remain alive: to live to a ripe old age.
3. to continue in existence, operation, memory, etc.; last: a book that lives in my memory.
4. to maintain or support one's existence; provide for oneself: to live on one's income.
5. to feed or subsist (usually fol. by on or upon): to live on rice and bananas.
6. to dwell or reside (usually fol. by in, at, etc.): to live in a cottage.
7. to pass life in a specified manner: They lived happily ever after.
8. to direct or regulate one's life: to live by the golden rule.
9. to experience or enjoy life to the full

As I look at the defnitions, they are very close, even connected. What I want to know is more about what it means to abide. I don't think it means to remain in the same place, so I'm going to take a look at more of this chapter. Maybe that will give me a better picture.

Abide

2008-10-17T04:08:00.000-06:00

ABIDE
To remain in a place.
To continue to be sure or firm; endure.
To dwell or sojourn.

Last week, I certainly didn't spend my time as well as I should have. Most of the time, my brain was more preoccupied with the "Ahhhh!" feeling of beautiful days instead of deep thoughts. While I was at Garvan Woodland Gardens, I had plenty of time to think in quiet, contemplative spots on shady paths. There were very few people to interrupt me. And as I walked, I finally clicked on to pray. And the word that kept coming to me, either from my own head or the Spirit, was "abide." As this is not a word that I use often, I really needed to do a little study.

First, a definition: remain in place, endure. That seems clear enough, right? And what does the Bible say? I did a little research. That's coming up next.

The old vs. the new

2008-10-16T04:36:00.002-06:00

Colossians 2:20 If then you have died with Christ to material ways of looking at things and have escaped from the world's crude and elemental notions and teachings of externalism, why do you live as if you still belong to the world?

So this is going to be a roundabout (and is tied to having some Darcy pictures that need to be shown), but in one of those weird times where I wake up in the middle of the night, can't go back to sleep, and think too much, I was thinking about how much Darcy enjoyed living life unleashed last. This is an old dog, raised in the 'burbs, by a nervous person who maintains firm control of the leash any time we venture out into public. She's a labrador mix who never saw water until she was 4 years old. But when she found water, she knew exactly what to do with it...jump right in.

Last week, she approached jumping off the dock with caution but interest. And this just makes me think about how dogs, no matter what breed, have a memory of what they were bred for, even though they might have been thouroughly yuppie-fied. Shelties herd, labs swim, beagles trail...that's just what they do. Stopping them from doing those things is the challenge. Preventing them from swimming or running around your feet or barking all the time, they have to learn those things.

So we're sorta the same. We're born with one nature and, if we're lucky, we learn to use some pieces of that and then to change what needs to be different. Really, I just wanted to put up more Darcy pictures.

It's only temporary

2008-10-15T03:04:00.000-06:00

From heaven even the most miserable life will look like one bad
night at an inconvenient hotel.

-- Teresa of Avila

This quote was delivered to me last week while I was learning about a few "bad" nights in an "inconvenient hotel." I vacationed in a real-life fishing cabin and learned that even I have a level of decor that I'm comfortable with. Everything was fine but it took a little adjusting to, particularly the kitchen. I rather imagine heaven itself to be more like the lake view from the deck while this life will look more like this stove...a little dirty, a little rusty, tired, worn out and in need of some serious overhaul.

Even convertibles get the blues

2008-10-14T15:13:00.004-06:00

So I posted about the peace that a restful vacation on the lake can bring, and then I met Monday...147 emails, multiple voice mails, meetings, an excruciating mound of books crammed in my in-box, phone calls from family members about "opportunities" that became critical overnight and required my presence...and a flat tire.

A flat tire leads to a call to roadside assistance and a quick visit to put on my
too-low-to-drive-1-mile-to-the-repair-place spare. Stopped to put air in the spare
to drive to the tire shop to find out the flat can't be repaired and
they don't carry that size of tire and finding it in Little Rock will be
difficult. Return to work.
Make phone calls.
Find out that finding that size in Little Rock is not impossible just
very, very expensive. Drive to dealership to have new tires put on convertible because
driving the convertible is required to blow out all the rest of the clutter of the day.

Some days are just Mondays, you know? But even in those days there are good things:
Safety-made it to work at 6:30 Monday morning...before the tire went flat...in the dark...on the side of the road. Convenience-roadside assistance came right away to my work with one phone call and no money from me. I love my insurance.
Slowing down-driving as slowly as I did on that spare, that's a new experience for me. The world looks a little different. And the drivers a little angrier.
Restoration-it's only money, right? I found the tire(s), and everything is fine again. And as I have traded in another car for having a flat tire, it's a symbol of my love and need for this impractical car that I have. Well, maybe not, but it's all OK anyway.

Peace in this world is fleeting, but the good news is that it can be restored. Over and over if needed, but we can get it back.

Rest

2008-10-12T16:09:00.002-06:00

Matthew 11:28-30 (Message)
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

This is the reason I wanted to get away, to be quiet and to think. Tired, worn out, and ready to recover my life, I am unable to focus on what needs to change so that I can have a life that makes a difference at the end of a day at work spent juggling priorities, going to meetings, answering questions, and always living with a deadline. Recently, it's become too much for me. I needed a break, really to see if I can determine "how to recover my life." And the trip didn't start off well...a creepy, webby cabin, no one around for miles apparently, and an anxious dog. I was ready to just go back home. It might be mind-numbing to consider all the work I need to do at home, but at least it's comfortable. After all, I have plenty of my own spider webs. I didn't need to travel to get that atmosphere. To cure the anxious dog, I took her for a walk down the hill...to see this view, and just like that, my burdens disappeared. In the quiet, breezy woods with waves lapping on the shore and a snoozing dog at my feet, I felt peace, a freer and lighter soul that my normal burden.

Father, I want that freedom and lightness of knowing that I'm on your path, not my own. I want to know that my day makes a difference. Thank you for sending me rest. Now, help me hold on to that lightness. Work is a challenge, give me your peace.

Religulous

2008-10-02T08:31:00.005-06:00

It's a combination of "religion" and "ridiculous". Sorry, I know a few who won't get the word so I have to explain. And it's the name of Bill Maher's new movie, and by the title, you can guess the subject. I watched an interview last night on the Daily Show (it's where I get all my news, I can't help it) and I've been thinking about it since. Maher is not in the "there is no god" camp, according to what he says, but more in the "we can't prove there is a god" camp. And from the clips, this looks like a funny movie, but it is so very disturbing that what the world sees as faith is extremism, fanaticism, and often the fringe of every denomination, church, cult, or crazy idea that calls itself "religion". On the show last night, Maher compared Scientology to Christianity as the only difference is that one is new. And I could feel a rebuttal building in my chest but he couldn't hear me...he was on t.v.

This reminds me a little of the whole "I met Satan" post I earlier had where I said I really see God at work. As a reasonable, educated, young-ish, Christian woman, I tend to live in the middle of most arguments, neither conservative or liberal. When I imagine what the conversation is going to be over this movie, I want to rest my head for a few minutes. Here's why: the extremes are what you'll hear. And really, as a middle-way person, I'm more disturbed by Maher's points about the questions he asked normal people who call themselves religious. And they couldn't answer. I know that any deep faith discussion is eventually going to wind up at something that you just have to believe, and there are many elements of religion that are laughable. But the fact that this is the face of the church, what the world sees, is not funny.

Maher's biggest point seemed to be that a VP like Sarah Palin is a shining example of all that's wrong with this country. She believes the Bible literally so how could she be a reasonable person? I am not sure that she IS a reasonable person, but I don't blame that on believing the Bible or see that as evidence either way. It appears to me that her issues are inborn, personality traits or character flaws. Jon Stewart mentioned that faith does give us good things: morality, comfort. Maher answered by saying they were outweighed by war etc. I don't believe that faith causes wars. Religion might. Extremism certainly does.

Obviously Bill Maher is sharp with a very quick mind. That is crystal clear. It seems unfair to illustrate the ills of religion by setting his wit against the masses on the street. What I'd like to see is a match up against the best minds. There still may not be agreement but it should be harder to make the other person the butt of the joke. A person who has actually thought to determine what he or she believes and studied some to find the answers seems to be a little hard to find out on the streets of London. It's very easy to find people who believe what they've been told to believe apparently. Of course, he has done an excellent job illustrating the dangers: there are a whole lot more of them than there are of us.

Questions...I've got 'em.

2008-09-26T12:32:00.004-06:00

Recently I've discovered that I just expect to be able to find answers when I search for them. In the Internet age, you can find a thousand places to tell you how to properly boil an egg. Don't believe me? Just do a search. I do know. I'm not much of a cook. Really, I'm not a cook at all. I used to call my mother every time I had to boil eggs. Now I search the Internet. Some things are just too embarassing to call and ask someone who you're still trying to impress. And that's one of my biggest problems: I'm still trying to impress, to look like I have it together, to pretend that nothing hurts or that I need anything more than I have.

Other searches are a lot more difficult to find the answers, even with all this information at your fingertips. And I know I should be talking about the big issues...what am I here for, is there a God, why do bad things happen. I just think I have all those things answered. I'm not searching for those answers. Mine are different: finances, electrical, rodent eradication, relationships, how to fix me, and other assorted pieces. And they all stem from me trying to take care of me. All on my own. I think I'm looking for...if you can do this, that, and this other thing, then yes, of course, this career path is for you. Or if he says this, he does that, and he's this kind of person...then this, without a doubt, is exactly what he means. And he is so into you. Follow this path. Go this way. Do this thing. And you will be happy.

Lately, I've sorta been having these conversations in my head. Ironically, they're about getting out of my head. Getting out of my way. Asking for help, direction, thoughts, suggestions from experts. Now, where can I find experts? Maybe I'll try Google...

God working

2008-09-24T11:13:00.002-06:00

John 5
19-20So Jesus explained himself at length. "I'm telling you this straight. The Son can't independently do a thing, only what he sees the Father doing. What the Father does, the Son does. The Father loves the Son and includes him in everything he is doing.

As I was doing my Experiencing God study this morning, I thought a little about my post from yesterday about who was really at work...Satan or God. And the fact that even Jesus could only accomplish God's purposes here by watching to see where He was already working and going there.

How many times do we miss what's really going on? How many times to we see coincidence instead of God working? How many times do I let uncomfortable people make me miss what God is doing?

It's really something that I need to watch for. I know I'm missing it all the time. And all the time I'm crying out for God to show me His will.

Father, help me to see what you're doing so that I can be involved.

So, which is it?

2008-09-22T11:47:00.006-06:00

John 8
43Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

I met Satan last week.

Those were the words that she began with during our prayer request time in Sunday school. And stupidly, the hair raises on my arms and I start to hear ominous music in my mind and look around for the axe slinging maniac. That's what evil looks like. Right?
As she went on to explain, Satan came in the form of a person who got into a very serious discussion with her on the existence of God. People were formed from the stars and the dust and there is no God. Incorrect, yes. Misguided, certainly. Hopelessly lost right now, yes. Satan? I don't know. This seems to be a very straightforward conversation for Satan to be starting. Why would Satan send that person up against another willing to share the truth? Why would he make it so easy to refute? Why would the father of all lies start this when this guy is clearly in his camp already? As she spoke, a couple of thoughts ran through my head.

We meet Satan every day of every week, whether it's in an unsettling conversation or not. He's there, maybe not boldly with flaming evil, but he's there in much more dangerous ways. This is what Paul says in 2 Corinthians
2 Corinthians 4:4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
2 Corinthians 11:14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.

We know we'll encounter him...in philosophies that look so much like ours that it's hard to show how dangerously wrong they are and in people who put obstacles in the way because this faith is too easy or even in believers who would rather have the temptations of this world, but a head-to-head confrontation like this seems a little more rare. Even when he tempted Christ, his manner was deceptively logical. And really, I think my question is...is this Satan? Or is this God at work? Satan already has that one so it's a battle he can only lose.

And in the end, it probably doesn't matter who started the battle although I'm always going to hope for my own sake that God's already there working because it's not an argument I can win on my own anyway. The answer is still the same...see that person, that lost person, as God sees him. Don't be distracted by heated arguments or confused theories. See that person as God sees him, lost...but not without hope. That conversation means hope.

Personality?

2008-09-17T18:56:00.002-06:00

Here's another true confession: I'm a little weird. I like to take tests. I especially like to take "what kind of popsicle/Austen character/superhero/color are you?" tests. To me, anytime I get to choose a button and have immediate scoring results, I am happy. I enjoy taking things like the GRE and the GMAT. I am an excellent test taker. You didn't really need to know that although it does explain a little about why I decided to take the Servants by Design personality test thingamabob. To find out more, click Your Unique Design. It has been recommended to me by more than one person and it was again by life coach Shane (apparently he's going to turn up in this blog as often as the Daily Show does in any political conversation I take part in).

So with my found time (waiting for Mr. Electric), I decided to take this test. And really, if I told you the choices were Achiever, Persister, Dreamer, Energizer, Catalyzer, and Harmonizer (and you know me just a little bit at all), you'd probably put my results in that order. And that's my order with Achiever and Persister at 100%.
Motivators:
While in the process of developing your Dreamer part, you are motivated to seek solitude and peace. You need to spend considerable time undisturbed by people, noises or outside interruptions.

Planning, organizing and completing meaningful tasks or projects will remain a priority for you. Recognition for a job well done by someone you respect and admire can be an excellent motivator, although you have the ability to work for long periods of time motivated by only your need to be responsible and do your best.

Abilities: communicating, planning, and overseeing.

Here are the pitfalls:
Occasionally you will feel powerless to change things, believing instead that you just have to be strong and endure whatever problems come your way.
When overloaded, you likely will begin to avoid phone calls and miss meetings.
Under pressure, you will tend to find yourself wanting to withdraw from contact with others.

Pitfall seems to indicate a dangerous or bad thing. So...I'm not sure the things listed above fit. Aren't they just things, neither good nor bad really? I would say they are 100% true. Many days at work, I just want to sit under my desk. Quietly. Overload, yes, but what do I do about that?

Now maybe I need someone to tell me what to do with the info, short of wrapping it up and handing it to my family to say that it is, indeed, OK for me to spend time alone. In fact, it's needed. And then also to my boss and co-workers who value my "answers and clear thinking" to explain why I am sitting under my desk and rocking, avoiding phone calls, and missing meetings. It's the Dreamer part of me under overload. Just one crisis too many at the moment...catch me later.

That might actually be a big help.

Calling vs. career

2008-09-15T06:24:00.002-06:00

I think the point where I got a little "don't-cry-don't-cry" panicked at lunch was during the 4 questions:
1. Think about the time you felt the most alive. What were you doing?
2. If money and failure were not options, what would you do?
3. What do other people tell me I do with excellence?
4. What kind of legacy do I want to leave?

I've been working with Merry from Marketplace Connection for just a little while now, and we've had some conversation about career choices. She recommended a study called 48 Days to the Work You Love to me (and to a friend who was recently laid off). And I bought the book. And that's as far as it went. And here's why: I'm sorta afraid of the answer. If I find clear direction, what in the world am I going to do with it? I'm comfortable (sort of) right where I am. I know what to expect (sort of) every day. After lunch on Thursday, with some unexpected time off (waiting for Mr. Electric to show up...not as exciting as it sounds), I started Day 1.

And did some thinking about these questions.
The places I felt most alive are scary places! Out on the edge of my comfort zone:
-sitting on a hill overlooking a town in the Andes mountains in Peru, praying for those people and thanking God for that chance.
-sitting alone in a town square in a town in the Andes mountains, surrounded by children who speak Spanish...and I don't
-showering with a lizard in a town in the Andes mountains in Peru. If the cold water doesn't make you feel alive, keeping an eye on the lizard definitely will.
-photographing quilts in the streets of Dublin, Ireland, with possibly the best friend of my life
-reading, writing, and discussing great books in literature classes in college
-being critiqued in the only creative writing class I've ever taken
-speaking in the final class of my MBA gauntlet in front of a panel of business experts

Those are just quick answers, off the top of my head, but I think that fear may be the common factor.

If money and failure were taken out of the mix, what would I do? Clearly, study, and travel and write. Those are things that I see that I love. That I always have loved and that I always will love. But in the real world, money is a necessity and failure is very much an option with which I am intimately acquainted and live in dread of daily. So what in the world does that tell me? You know, I've been told by more than one person who loves me that I can do anything, but that's clearly untrue, so where's the line?

What do people tell me I do with excellence? I have no idea, but here's the real trick: if I can't do it perfectly, or at least excellently, I don't really want to do it. I really, really don't want to do it. I lose sleep over how much I don't want to do it. But if I look at what I do daily, I schedule, I plan, I problem-solve, I lighten the mood when I can. There may be other things.

And as for legacy, I've never thought about it. Who am I leaving a legacy for?

What about you? Can you answer these questions? There supposed to help us determine a calling, which is different than a career. A calling is our passion, our purpose. And we're all supposed to have one, right?

Remember Psalm 139? This is from the Message translation:
13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

All the stages of my life, the days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day...I have a purpose and work prepared for me. Father, show me what it is.

Work we had better be doing

2008-09-14T17:56:00.003-06:00

Ephesians 2 from the Message;

7-10Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

In the lunch on Thursday, life coach Shane read this from Ephesians. I was really looking forward to this lunch topic. I was just really hoping for some ideas. And I still had to do a minor "don't-cry" pep talk. And I was a little surprised by it.

I mean, a job is just a job, right? This one pretty much the same as that one. And just because most days in my current job I feel a little lightheaded because of the lack of oxygen in my office, thanks to overbearing burdens of too much work, not enough people, crazy deadlines and a feeling of the never-ending sameness of every day...wait, did I say that out loud? Anyway, aren't most places like that? I work for a good company with a great product. I like working with my friends. I like pulling pretty things out of boxes and seeing nice photos. I like lunch. And my skills are perfect for this job. I grew up here. I'm successful here. It's home.

Whether or not home is where I need to be, I don't believe crushing never-ending sameness is what my life should be about. As Ephesians says, I've been created to join Christ Jesus in the works he's doing, work I should be doing. I don't believe the place is the problem. I think the biggest problem is that I'm not plugged in to where God is working.

I don't know that this means a change of place. I do think it means a change of attitude. At the very least, there's something more I should be doing that requires some of the energy that leaks out of me during the day in my oxygen-light atmosphere.

So I think the first thing to do is to have the right attitude about work. And here's a confession: in my life, there is no small stuff. Every challenge is a big challenge, life or death, critical. It's never too soon to panic. And I know that's just not true. I can work hard enough, push hard enough, grind through, and plug every problem with a solution and still fail in the end because of something out of my control. So...learning not to sweat the small stuff might be a good step.

How in the world do I do that?

Lunch at Larry's

2008-09-11T08:24:00.001-06:00

Today's the day for the Marketplace Connection lunch out at Larry's on Hwy 10 if anyone local wants to join it. Topic: No More Mondays!

Reaching the world

2008-09-08T05:27:00.000-06:00

One of the headline stories on AOL.com this morning is about a preacher who has a series this summer based on the #1 movies. The link takes you to a sermon based on Wall-E and YouTube has a collection. The one above is on Indiana Jones and in it he explains his reasoning.

I think the most interesting part (because I believe I've actually seen this before or something similar) is the reaction to the videos.

There are a lot of people in the world who are a little angry about this, saying if you can't preach the word, you bring a circus or that he doesn't know enough of the Bible...fake, phony, etc.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I really don't see that Christ Chapel is doing unbiblical things. Christ met people where they were and he spoke to them as they were to reach them. I do believe that the points need to be supported by God's word. And from what I saw, they were. But giving a message to people that they can understand...I don't know that we should fault someone for that. Or for the idea that you can show others that God can speak...even through Hollywood.

I haven't seen his "Dark Knight" series but I'd like to. As I suffered through that dark, depressing un-happy Batman, I looked for bright spots. There's a point where humankind shows true goodness and respect...and the Joker can't believe it. But as I watched it I thought "Love one another" and there's got to be a message about a hero who suffers ridicule, suspicion, judgement, pain...and continues to fulfill the mission he's called to to save the world. There's just got to be.

Christ Chapel might be out on the edge, but there are lost people out on the edge as well. His style may not be my style, but I can't fault someone for trying something new to reach the world.

Spellbound

2008-09-03T06:00:00.000-06:00

Psalm 45:11 (New International Version)
11 The king is enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.

Ever met anyone enthralled by your beauty? Me, either. Unless you actually said "yes" and then I say "How nice for you." But I don't really mean it. I'm just that way sometimes. Most of the time. Really, all the time. "Charmed" by my quirks is my only hope.

Anyway, the definition of enthral:
1 : to hold in or reduce to slavery
2 : to hold spellbound : charm

As I've been casting around for another Bible study, I ran across a book and read this verse. Imagine...being beautiful enough to enthral a king, to charm a king.

I certainly don't feel all that spellbinding today, a day of answering questions and phone calls and making requests that don't get completed. It's frustrating, bends me out of shape and I feel more "beast" than "beauty" and don't have much inclination to get over it. And my clothes are too tight, my mouth is too loose, and my hair defies explanation. Add to that a king, a lord, who is enthralled by me, even when I'm the beast. And that's really love. What a gift.

Living with clutter

2008-09-01T10:07:00.003-06:00

Proverbs 12:24 (New International Version)
24 Diligent hands will rule,
but laziness ends in slave labor.

I'm feeling a little like slave labor this weekend. My normal MO is that of a hermit. I go to work. I go home. I go out for necessities: food, Diet Coke, movies, and very occasional entertainment. The rest of the time I spend happy at home. I like it there. My dog is there.

But then I do something to mess up the plan. I invite people in. It's not that I don't like having people over. I do. I really do. But being a hermit means I don't have to worry about unexpected visitors. And the clutter gets out of control.

Here's the scene: a tottering stack of mail/bills, countless loads of laundry, yarn in every nook and cranny, books scattered higgledy-piggledy, layers of dog hair and dust. So after a month or so of laziness, I am slave labor. The problem is that my house has reached the state that I just can't determine where to start.

So I work some and then I regroup. I've determined that I just don't have a very high frustration threshold. What I mean is that it doesn't take long for me to work on a problem to get to the point where I am overwhelmed. I have to back off and come back at it. My house is like that. I think my spiritual life is like that too.

The mess in my heart is like clutter. One day at a time, I make a bad decision that pulls me away. And then the next I let something else in that has no place in my heart, but really it's not so bad. Until you look at a pile of those things and consider how much time it will take to get rid of it.

I sorta feel that way about laundry. I have many clothes. I wear them all before I do laundry. Day by day, it's not so much. But after weeks, facing that many loads of laundry feels like a crisis.

And in all things...whether it's cleaning the house, getting back on spiritual track, losing weight, or saving money...I expect immediate results. I want to correct in a heartbeat what it took days (or weeks or years) to build.

I know better than to pray for patience. Maybe I'll try diligence instead.
Back to the mines...

Why I'll never be president

2008-08-28T04:30:00.000-06:00

As I was surfing around, looking for a good video that I never found, I came across all these clips of Rick Warren's interview of Obama and McCain. And I'll say this...I'm not political. But I really wonder about what this accomplished. They might have been different kinds of questions...but they were the same answers that we've heard for other questions. Right? Still, I never want to sit on a stage and be asked about my greatest moral failure. Really.
Of course, neither truly answered the question, but I don't blame them one bit. Imagining the stinging judgement that would come from my moral failures yesterday, never mind my greatest moral failure ever, would have me doing the sidestep as well.

It's hard to imagine a world where a political candidate could confess the truth to the world. I'm thankful that I can confess the truth to my God and know that the failure is wiped away, forgiven, forgotten, remembered no more. By God. On bad days, I still remember the times I've failed. Thank goodness they haven't been caught on tape to be run on 24 hour news.

I don't really want to hear about either man's greatest moral failure. I might be interested on what happened to change him, why that will never happen again. If it's the truty. What I want to hear is the truth...good, bad, or ugly...what's in the heart on the issues of the day. I suspect they're a whole lot alike. And that I won't get what I want.

What would it be like?

2008-08-27T03:25:00.001-06:00

John 13:34-35
34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

For some reason, this message of Christian unity keeps coming up around me...Bible study, messages, music, random conversations, and it's really so sad that the most important job we have, what should be the simplest, is the most difficult to get right. The church can't get it right, and so the world sees divisions and avoids the church because of the hypocrites. As one of those imperfect people who make up the church, I say that's just a convenient excuse, but I also know the church bears responsibility for that view. We squabble and fight, judge and pronounce judgement, draw lines over unimportant issues and miss the chance to show the world that we are Christ's disciples.

I like this song because it's happy. Happy like we'd probably be if we could get over ourselves and really learn to love one another, in the body of Christ first, then the rest of the world.

Set Free

2008-08-26T02:46:00.001-06:00

While I'm finishing up the notes from Galatians, a Newsboys song occurs to me. "I am free."

That's what Paul wanted the Galatians to understand. They were free. We are free.

The song is good, but I couldn't find a video to go with. YouTube lets me down again. Then I was searching around and came across the video to a Casting Crowns song...so here it is. I'm not sure when this blog became a Christian video program but I really like the music and it runs through my head and I need a blog post...so here we are.

Galatians-Week 6-From the Inside Out

2008-08-25T03:35:00.000-06:00

Paul finishes up his letter to the churches in Galatia with a little practical advice. First, he addresses handling sin, either in another believer or your own life.

Galatians 6
Doing Good to All
1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

Maturity vs. spirituality. Paul clearly says that each of us has a duty to pick up, hold up, and build up brothers and sisters struggling with sin. Well, those under the influence of the Spirit. Not the Bible scholars, not the grandmothers who've had decades of training...all of us living under the Spirit. Sin impacts us all...in our own lives, it robs us of joy, lessens our anticipation of Christ, destroys our usefulness...and it infects the entire body. To counter sin, every believer has an obligation to support fellow Christians...to help recognize sin, pray for freedom from it, and to share lessons learned.

9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

And in every life, God's law of cause and effect is still in operation. No, we can't lose our salvation. Yes, we still face consequences for bad decisions. And we all make them. And when we do, the command to love one another so that the world will know that we are disciples becomes even more important.

14May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which[b] the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. 15Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is a new creation. 16Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule, even to the Israel of God.

And to finish up his letter, Paul remind the Galatians one more time: what counts is a new creation, the Spirit at work in you. Nothing on the exterior amounts to anything. And that way is open to everyone.

Galatians-Week 5-Living with freedom

2008-08-21T12:01:00.005-06:00

So, if I'm "free" now, that means I can do anything and get away with it, right? I don't have to live with God's law because of the grace, right? I'll just do what I want since I don't have to worry about the consequences.

Right?

Paul says: Turning back to the law invalidates both Christ and his sacrifice on the cross. It also hinders spiritual growth. Just don't do it.

So does that mean we have no rules?

Paul says: Yes...and no. Now that you have the Spirit, you don't need the rules.

Thanks to the Holy Spirit, we:
understand the truth of the Word.
can be changed into character of Christ, to live like Christ.
know what sin is and when we do it.
want to do the right thing.

Paul says:
2But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Because we have the spirit, we have all these things (a.k.a. the Fruit of the Spirit (singular)):
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness and Self-Control...against such things there is no law.

If you have the Spirit (and you do on the day you confess your faith in Christ), then you have the fruit.
And if you have the fruit, then you don't need the law. Love is better than law any day.

Remember what Jesus said about fruit? A good tree can't bear bad fruit...
Matthew 7:16-18 (New International Version)
16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.

Of course, you're going to continue to struggle: the old man vs. the new creation. But now you can make the right choice. You have the freedom to make the right choice.

Christian unity

2008-08-19T05:06:00.000-06:00

Psalm 133:1
How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in unity!

This is a message that keeps coming up: how important it is for Christians to get along. In Sunday School, we talked about the divisions that we put on our religions that have very little to do with salvation: whether your worship music has music or not, electric guitars or not, whether you drink or dance or not, what you wear, what translation you use, whether you boycott Disney or not... These are the kinds of things that the world looks at and sees that we can't get along. And really, it's just too bad that sweating the small stuff has such a huge impact on the big picture.

I wanted the song that runs through my head when I read this verse. I couldn't find it in the approximately 2.5 seconds that I devoted to the search tonight. However, this commercial for one of my favorite t.v. shows was easy to find. And it sorta goes with the idea. Loosely. Very loosely. Very, very loosely. Feel free to skip it if you'd like (Gus is my favorite. I like Gus).

Strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow

2008-08-18T07:37:00.000-06:00

Isaiah 40:31 (The Message)
27-31Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.

I'm having a mood lately, I think. Or maybe it's a funk. Nevertheless, I want to stay home and soak in my place...just be me, with my thoughts and my dog and my hobbies and my rest. I feel weary, mostly mentally worn out but some physical wimpiness too. Maybe it's emotional, tied to the heavy weight of grief that still hits me 2 years later, especially around August 16, or the stress of working a job that becomes more of a challenge daily, or the anxiety that pops up for the people that I know and love who are also facing daily battles or the pressure that comes from knowing I should be doing more. All the time, I should be doing more, pushing harder to get it all done.

And really, isn't this just the way it is? While we're here, this is just the way it's going to be. The only answer: fresh strength.

Father, please give me fresh strength for this week. Improve my outlook and send me the renewed strength to accomplish your work.

This is a Call

2008-08-13T04:59:00.000-06:00

I was working on the computer when this song came on the Christian channel I was listening to. So then I went to search YouTube...you can find everything there! The video is good, but the song reminded me of someone that I know. Well, more than one person that I know. I think we wait for burning bushes and angelic messengers to identify our opportunities sometimes. And, really, they are all around. The call is all around us.

The Need for Workers
35 Jesus traveled through all the towns and villages of that area, teaching in the synagogues and announcing the Good News about the Kingdom. And he healed every kind of disease and illness. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 He said to his disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. 38 So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.”

Still and quiet

2008-08-12T05:43:00.002-06:00

Psalm 131
A song of ascents. Of David.
1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

Reading Psalm 130 from yesterday and Psalm 131 today back-to-back required a tissue. I'm going to blame it on the timing, but the truth is that I think any reference to being a child just really makes me remember. I'm thinking about another time when I watched for sunrise, at another hospital bed, this time my mother's. This time, I had snuck in to visit her on my way to work, just to see if I could do anything for her. Actually, probably to try to catch a doctor, but I'm sure that was wasted effort. I'm supposed to be at work at 7:00, so it was very early and she was still asleep. So I crept in and had a seat to wait, watching out the window for dawn. I can't really remember the why of the hospital stay. We were still battling the cancer at this point and I think she had some kind of fever. I just remember the feeling of dread there in the dark. I wanted hustle, bustle, light, life, and most of all, I wanted her to be herself. And to not feel so alone. Then she woke up, saw me, and snapped "And what are you doing here?" And everything was OK. She chased me out, back to work.

With a few more sunrises between the two, I understood why miraculous healing may not be the answer to prayer. It's probably not the right prayer. Thanks to my mother, I never had any night watches with her. She really wouldn't allow it. But I still prayed, not with the perfect expectation of youth, but with hope that God would answer my prayers for my mother. I'm not sure I trusted God to do the right thing for her. But He did. And in a way to clearly demonstrate to me that it was an answer, to demonstrate his love for her and for me, and to demonstrate that God is good. All the time. Now if I can just learn to expect that like I look forward to the dawn.

Father, help me to still and quiet my soul, even when I don't understand, trusting you.

Waiting for the dawn

2008-08-11T17:22:00.003-06:00

I'm playing catch-up in my Tuesday night Bible study so I just ran across this.

Psalm 130
A song of ascents.
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

6 My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Have you ever waited for dawn to come? The image here is of the watchmen, who sit at the city wall and watch for enemies through the night. Dawn means safety and success. For some reason, this really hit me with a couple of different memories in my life where I literally waited on the sun to rise, believing that sunrise meant safety and success. The first time was after a sleepless night with a very sick father, watching with my mother. In my mind, the changing of the nurses which coincided with the end of the first chemotherapy treatment around 7:00 a.m. was a goal, something to aim for that meant safety and success. Of course, at that point, on that night, in my youth, I knew that God was going to answer my prayers in just the manner I intended them: miraculous healing if that was what was required.

Just before that goal, when the sky was brightening, my father died. I don't remember sunrise or really much of anything until that afternoon, sitting on my mother's patio, stunned at how God seemed to have ignored my prayer. I really don't think I'll ever forget that night or the feelings of expectation...sunrise meant a new day, another reason to hope. And I completely understand the feeling of expectation the psalmist describes. We are to anticipate God's answer in exactly that manner as it means safety and success.

So then...why do prayers go unanswered? Are they unanswered? This was a hard lesson and it's one I'm still learning. In that case, that prayer was answered, not in the way I intended, but in the best way. It just took a few more times of watching for the sun to rise to understand it better, to understand why and how I can put my hope in the Lord.

Galatians--Week 4--Paul gets personal

2008-08-10T12:34:00.002-06:00

In Chapter 4 of the letter to the Galatians, Paul completes his argument on grace's superiority over the law. To this point, Paul has been more like a lawyer arguing a case, but at this point, his tone changes to that of a concerned friend. There are 3 different ideas in this chapter:

Heirs vs. slaves-

4But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, 5to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. 6Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." 7So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

During this time, children were often taught and guided by trusted slaves until they reached a certain age. While they were under this control, they lived like the slaves did. And then when they reached the age, they became full heirs of their fathers. In fact, they were always heirs, but they lived under the restrictions that slaves lived with until the time came. Paul is saying that if we choose to live under the law, we are still slaves. The time has come, God sent His son at the perfect time, so that we could live as heir instead of slaves.

17. What does it mean to be an heir? When I hear "heir," I immediately think of rich relatives and stunning fortunes bequeathed in the last will and testament. Since I don't have any of those, that must come from the movies. But this is sort of like that, because we are heirs to treasures that we can't even see yet. While we're here, being an heir is good but someday being an heir, or a child able to call God "abba" or "daddy" is going to be out-of-this-world!

Making it personal here...

14Even though my illness was a trial to you, you did not treat me with contempt or scorn. Instead, you welcomed me as if I were an angel of God, as if I were Christ Jesus himself. 15What has happened to all your joy? I can testify that, if you could have done so, you would have torn out your eyes and given them to me. 16Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?

Paul changes his tone here to that of a confused and wounded friend or parent, someone who cares deeply what happens to these believers. How could they forget everything they did for him and what he taught while they were together?

And an OT analogy to round things up.
28Now you, brothers, like Isaac, are children of promise. 29At that time the son born in the ordinary way persecuted the son born by the power of the Spirit. It is the same now. 30But what does the Scripture say? "Get rid of the slave woman and her son, for the slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with the free woman's son." 31Therefore, brothers, we are not children of the slave woman, but of the free woman.

Remember the story of Hagar and Ishmael? Paul uses Hagar and Sarah to illustrate life under the law, where man struggles to make his own plans to accomplish what he wants. That's Hagar's story. The contrast is following God's miraculous plan, represented by God's promise to Abraham and Sarah. Having a baby at 90...pretty much gotta be a God-thing. All believers are descendants of Isaac, not Ishmael, born of God's promise, not man's plan.

Seeing people the way God sees people

2008-08-05T06:04:00.000-06:00

Matthew 9:36
When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

This was one of the verses that we studied over the weekend at the singles retreat and it reminded of something someone told be about trying to see people the way that God sees people. And really, I think if we could see the hearts of men and women around us, we'd all be moved to compassion too.

One of the examples that comes to mind is a church friend that I've alternately liked/envied. She's beautiful, really smart, has a great, close, loving family and seems very spiritually mature. And yet, she's single. Like me. As always happens when I start comparing myself to others, I don't measure up and that opens the door to all kinds of terrible feelings. And she has had nothing to do with any of it.

Then I spend time with her and realize she has her own issues...what she doesn't like about her face or her body, places where she admits she needs to work on her life, and she's facing her own battle...a parent with cancer. I have been there. Twice. I understand the battle. No matter how much you know God and love God and want God's will, you still want to ask questions and demand answers.

Outwardly, she has it all together and is in control. I do too. Inwardly, I suspect she's a little more disordered. I don't know about her, but this is a choice that I make daily...to look like I have it under control.

When I think about the groups I'm around and how many of those people are fighting their own battles, it really does break my heart. I understand how Christ could have compassion on those and call us to reach out them. To do so, I have to get out of my own head and build the relationships. That's the only way to find out what's in the heart.

God is good

2008-08-04T19:52:00.003-06:00

I just got home from a retreat with the singles group from my church. Before we left, we met to talk about what we learned on the trip. And I have to say that I am reminded again that God is good. I'm certain there's a name for whatever my problem is but situations like this fill me with anxiety. For weeks before, I was excited by the thought and then the day dawned and I was filled with dread. This happens time and again in my life. I'm sure I have some disorder, but I'll just stick with "shy" because it sounds sorta cute.

The cause: I have an almost unchanging conviction that I am less...less interesting, less funny, less likable. And it takes me a while to work out of that shyness around any group. I've been a part of the singles group for a year. One year of listening and inching out time and again. But this weekend was a little bit of immersion...new people in unfamiliar surroundings. And then there were swimsuits involved.

I will say this about me...I don't back down. Usually. I soldier on, grimly determined that I can make it through no matter what, it'll be good for me, etc. And this weekend, I was reminded again and again that God is good. He called me to live in community with people like these...fun people, funny people, people who will encourage me and together we can accomplish great things.

Again I was reminded...God is good. And what He calls me to do, he will give me the power to do. And I did it. And I expect my relationships with this part of my Christian family to be different. It's difficult to be inauthentic with someone who's seen you in a bathing suit.

Bumper sticker theology

2008-08-01T03:46:00.000-06:00

I saw this on a car parked outside my dentist's office on Monday and I've been thinking about this bumper sticker since then. I wish I'd had a chance to find out more about the person driving. This was just one of a collection of slogans stuck to the bumper but this is the one I remember. It reminds me of our conversation about the Galatians and of another Ghandhi quote about being the change that you want to see in the world. I guess I remember this because it's a little shocking and at the same time a great reminder that the world is watching us every day to see how we are different.

I thought the second sticker was both funny and sad at the same time. I think there are people all over the world who believe that looking busy is all that really matters...doing the right things, checking off the list of to-do items...that's what really matters. But Jesus sees the heart and it really doesn't matter. I think my bumper sticker would say "Jesus is Coming. BE BUSY."

Galatians-Week 3-How many sons does Father Abraham have?

2008-07-30T05:54:00.000-06:00

To finish up Chapter 3, Paul writes:
26You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, 27for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.

16. So we're all "heirs according to the promise." What's the promise?

Thanks to Jesus, we're all heirs, God's chosen people through Abraham. John 1: 12 says: Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.

We believers have been clothed with Christ. Whatever is in Christ belongs to you and to me if we believe: the love of the Father, access to the Father, the full resources of the Father.

And even more importantly...there is no distinction in our new family. Superficial and temporary differences have no place in our body.

How does the law lead us to Christ?
External conformity to the law is easy. What about internal conformity?

One last comment on the law...here's what Jesus said about it (the Message version):
Matthew 5:17-20
"Don't suppose for a minute that I have come to demolish the Scriptures— either God's Law or the Prophets. I'm not here to demolish but to complete. I am going to put it all together, pull it all together in a vast panorama. God's Law is more real and lasting than the stars in the sky and the ground at your feet. Long after stars burn out and earth wears out, God's Law will be alive and working.

"Trivialize even the smallest item in God's Law and you will only have trivialized yourself. But take it seriously, show the way for others, and you will find honor in the kingdom. Unless you do far better than the Pharisees in the matters of right living, you won't know the first thing about entering the kingdom.

Christian the Lion

2008-07-29T04:56:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you've seen this because I'm always the last to know, but I needed a hankie to watch it. And then I researched to see if the story is true. And it is, and that just breaks my heart. For some reason, if this was a story about people who found each other again, I'd just think, "Oh, that's nice." But add an animal to it and I could just sob. And then there's the cheesy and yet heartfelt music and sentiment. I just cry. To find out more, you can search "Christian the Lion" and go to the Wiki page or the Snopes.com page to find out more. And then I launched into "Deep Thoughts" about pets like Christian the Lion and Darcy the Dog. I still don't know what I think.

Beth Moore's study listed this verse in her discussion of song. In the video,she mentions C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkein, asking the question "What if they were on to something?" It looks like, at the very least,all of creation will worship Christ at His return.

Revelation 5:13 (New International Version)
13Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:
"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and power,
for ever and ever!"

From the Message:
I looked again. I heard a company of Angels around the Throne, the Animals, and the Elders—ten thousand times ten thousand their number, thousand after thousand after thousand in full song:

The slain Lamb is worthy!
Take the power, the wealth, the wisdom, the strength!
Take the honor, the glory, the blessing!
Then I heard every creature in Heaven and earth, in underworld and sea, join in, all voices in all places, singing:

To the One on the Throne! To the Lamb!
The blessing, the honor, the glory, the strength,
For age after age after age.
The Four Animals called out, "Oh, Yes!" The Elders fell to their knees and worshiped

WARNING! Added a music player!

2008-07-28T04:53:00.000-06:00

So I added a music player. Turn down your volume if you're at work. Not that you'd read blogs at work. Right? To make it stop, hit the pause button in the corner.

Or complain to the blogger (me) and I'll change the setting. It's too much for me today.

Galatians-Week 3-Then, what's law got to do with it?

2008-07-27T05:39:00.000-06:00

Here's a confession: I break the law sometimes, usually on the way to work. And on the way home. I drive faster than the posted speed limits, even though I understand in my head that driving laws are in place for my safety and others. I also rip tags off of pillows and walk my dog in the park that says "No dogs allowed." I'm a rebel.
What about you? Have any similar challenges under the law?

16. If the law can't save us, why did God give it to Moses in the first place?
That answer is pretty easy. Paul outlines it in the next verses:
15Brothers, let me take an example from everyday life. Just as no one can set aside or add to a human covenant that has been duly established, so it is in this case. 16The promises were spoken to Abraham and to his seed. The Scripture does not say "and to seeds," meaning many people, but "and to your seed," meaning one person, who is Christ. 17What I mean is this: The law, introduced 430 years later, does not set aside the covenant previously established by God and thus do away with the promise. 18For if the inheritance depends on the law, then it no longer depends on a promise; but God in his grace gave it to Abraham through a promise.
19What, then, was the purpose of the law? It was added because of transgressions until the Seed to whom the promise referred had come. The law was put into effect through angels by a mediator. 20A mediator, however, does not represent just one party; but God is one.

21Is the law, therefore, opposed to the promises of God? Absolutely not! For if a law had been given that could impart life, then righteousness would certainly have come by the law. 22But the Scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe.

23Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. 24So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. 25Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.

In a nutshell: the law makes us aware of our sin and need for salvation, our utter inability to do it ourselves.

Abraham's covenant is better than Moses' law and Abraham was saved 430 years before God gave Moses the commandments (and isn't it just another sign of Paul's superiority that he has that fact at his fingertips?). In God's covenant with Abraham, God said "I Will" but the commandments said "Thou Shalt"...dooming them to failure! The responsibility for the covenant was on God who does not fail. Only 1 part was required to do anything for success and that party was God. Unlike the commandments which was more of a 2 party agreement...that totally depended on you and me for success. And here's the truth about that: man can't succeed and God can't fail.

So then why did the tablets come down?
They lead us to Christ. They show us our sinfulness, our inability to please God through our own works, our need for mercy and grace. Grace means nothing unless you know you gotta have it. Thanks to the "Thou shalts" we know we must have grace.

Are people inherently good? Are there any laws that you routinely break? Can anyone keep the perfect law of God?

Galatians-Week 3-Let's all sing it...

2008-07-26T05:22:00.000-06:00

For some reason, this song is coming to mind as I work on the Bible study. Now you can sing it with me!

The next part of Chapter 3 says this:
6Consider Abraham: "He believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness."
7Understand, then, that those who believe are children of Abraham. 8The Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: "All nations will be blessed through you." 9So those who have faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.

Why do you think Abraham comes up here? Don't you think part of the Judaizer's argument revolved around the covenant God made with Abraham? Here's what it says in Genesis 15:2-6:
2Abram said, "O Lord GOD, what will You give me, since I am childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?"

And Abram said, "Since You have given no offspring to me, one (A)born in my house is my heir." Then behold, the word of the LORD came to him, saying, "This man will not be your heir; but one who will come forth from your own body, he shall be your heir." And He took him outside and said, "Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them " And He said to him, "So shall your descendants be." Then he believed in the LORD; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness.

Paul's point: salvation is personal. It doesn't come through rituals or observances. The circumcision that marks people under God's covenant with Abraham had nothing to do with salvation. Abraham's belief had everything to do with his salvation, or his being made "righteous" just as it does ours. And it was credited to him...before he was circumcised.

The next part of the letter: verses 10-14
10All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law." 11Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith." 12The law is not based on faith; on the contrary, "The man who does these things will live by them." 13Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree." 14He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.

15...Isn't "good" good enough?
Paul clearly answers that here. Only perfection is good enough. There are no exceptions. The law is a curse that no one can live with and Jesus took that curse for us when he hung on a tree. Without him, the perfect sacrifice, there is no good enough. And even more clearly, he is the fulfillment of that covenant.

Galatians-Week 3-It's grace, people, get the message

2008-07-25T06:51:00.000-06:00

Ok, so we've laid just a very little background for Chapter 3. In this chapter, Paul is going to annihilate the idea that the law could ever surpass or supplant or in any way challenge the grace offered through Jesus Christ.

14. How do you know you're saved in the first place? Answer: Hello, Holy Spirit, come on in.

1You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? 3Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? 4Have you suffered so much for nothing—if it really was for nothing? 5Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?

Here Paul says "Don't you remember how you even came into the family in the first place? It wasn't through anything you did, but through something that Jesus did and because you believed. You experienced it for yourself and you saw the effect of this change in the lives of the people around you. Why would you think you can change it now? Oh, and you know that feeling of difference that you have...let's just call that the 'Holy Spirit.' That's proof of God's favor, proof of salvation, and your guarantee that no matter what happens here, your future is secure. Forever."

I could be paraphrasing, but really, he has an excellent point. The Holy Spirit, which is God, comes to the believer at salvation. And never leaves.

1 John 4:13: We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

Ephesians 1:13-14: And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

Here's how someone smarter than I am said it:

No ritual, ceremony, regulation or any other thing devised or accomplished by men can pick up where the cross leaves off--because the cross never leaves off. The cross is the continuing and eternal payment for all sin, and every sinner who puts his trust in the cross is forever and continually being forgiven. A believer can no more stay saved by works than he could have been saved by works in the first place. The cross keeps moving powerfully and relentlessly through history, and it will stand forever as living proof that men cannot redeem themselves.

Galatians-Week 3-What is faith?

2008-07-24T06:33:00.002-06:00

Chapter 3 of Galatians is a doozy, lots of questions are answered here. Big questions that can cause some confusion and stumbling among Christians, new and old alike. If you're in the class, make sure that you jump in and answer this first question if you're reading it beforehand. I'll be so impressed.

12. Were the people misled by the Judaizers in danger of losing their salvation because they were adding all these requirements to salvation?
Short answer: uh, no. They weren't in danger of losing their salvation. But they were still in big danger. They were in danger of losing all of the joy and hope that is supposed to be a part of the Christian life. And the bigger danger: the harm to their witness to the world. The world knows us because we're different. We have a hope and a future which should mark us as different. Struggling under the law, these Christians were no different than the lost to the world's eyes.

Here's another way Paul addresses the simplicity of salvation:
Romans 3:22
22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

There is no difference...all have sinned and all are justified freely.

13. What is faith?
I think this is a tough question, one I really struggle with sometimes. Do I have (enough) faith? I want to measure up. But it's so much simpler than that. I already do. It's more of an "either or" decision, not a measuring stick.

Here's what Hebrews 11 has to say about faith:
1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 2This is what the ancients were commended for.
3By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. 4By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead.

7By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.

8By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

11By faith Abraham, even though he was past age—and Sarah herself was barren—was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise. 12And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.

13All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. 14People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

17By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned."19Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.

29By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.

30By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days.

31By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.

32And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, 33who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. 39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

Isn't it interesting to see what the writer of Hebrews (probably not Paul) says about these heroes of the Old Testament? These are heroes of faith. And they had faith in God and his promises...and their salvation is complete only in Jesus Christ.

Is it really black and white?

2008-07-23T09:17:00.002-06:00

Do you remember seeing this test image before? I think what you see is supposed to reveal something about you or your brain or something. Since I seem to know so very much about it, what's it doing here?

I was thinking yesterday during all the time I spent it my car hurrying to meet this appointment and then that one and then this other thing...about Paul and how much I admire his personality. We talked about this for just a minute in our Bible study, but Paul was a sharp guy. He knew his stuff. He had convincing arguments for the Judaizers so he knew the law and the requirements but he was also smart enough to let them go. He could see easily how Jesus replaced the law.

And then we read about how he confronted Peter. What a man of conviction to go up against no other than Peter, leader of the early church, and the Jews in the church at Antioch who were being hypocrites. And in public, no less. There's a reason I admire that: I am in no way prepared for confrontation in public. Peter would have wiped the floor with me. Maybe. Probably. I would have thought of snappy comebacks. Three days later.

So how lucky we are to have both men, both Peter, who is so human to make mistakes and still lead and be used by God, and Paul, who knows his stuff so well that he can correct even men like Peter.

Paul didn't live in the gray area that I live in. I understand from his letter that he very much lived in a black and white world. You're either right or you're wrong. There is no in between.

Those people are hard to find. And usually, I don't want to spend time with time. Because gray is more comfortable. Tolerance is more comfortable. Going along to get along is more comfortable. "Situational ethics" is more comfortable. And still, even for all the comfort, these are terrible choices when it comes down to the important decisions in life. So I probably need to do a little more black and white and a little less gray.

Revelation song

2008-07-22T05:46:00.000-06:00

I heard this again on Sunday. What a praise song.

A good memory...a good thing?

2008-07-21T05:49:00.000-06:00

Isaiah 55:10-11
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

I don't know whether you have the same affliction that I do...perfect recall exactly when you don't want it. I can easily remember dumb things I've said and really smart things I meant to say...a minute, an hour, a day too late to say them. I've been "critically evaluating" my words lately, particularly the things I should have said to make a difference.

And when I do that, I begin to worry about where I'm messing up today. As I did my Beth Moore study, I was reminded of what God says in Isaiah: God's words aren't going to return empty. They will accomplish his purpose. So...onward we go, learning His word, hearing His word, and. most importantly, speaking His word so that it may accomplish His purpose.